Satan lies

Ha.  Yeah, I know.  Surprisingly enough we know this is true.  But do we know when it is happening?  I have been lied to so many times in my life, that I started believing what Satan was telling me.  There are also many times when I would "commit" myself to God and then for some reason, I would fall back into the pattern of everyday life and continue on the journey of a God-less life.  Beth had a good question posed to the reader.  "I know better than this.  I can't believe I've fallen for this again.  My head knows good and well that this doesn't define me.  Why can't I get that message to my heart?"  I have had this feeling and I know I have talked with many of my friends who have also had this feeling of when they do something wrong that they feel so guilty for it (which we should feel convicted) that they feel like they should just give up because God wouldn't want them anymore.  There are times where I have had this feeling.  My head knows that this is not true, but my heart is so full of guilt, that sometimes it's so hard to get past that.  You know what?  I believe this is Satan lying to you telling you, you are not good enough to be in God's kingdom.  He is telling you, you are not worthy of God's love.  This is his way of making you feel that pain and remorse so much that we feel like we should just throw in the towl.  I have had those moments.  I have had that feeling of I should not even try anymore, because I know it's going to happen again, so why even try? 

We are all human, so we are sinful by nature.  So, I'll give you some encouragement.  We all sin.  Okay, that may not sound like encouragement.  But, you cannot tell me that Billy Graham has never sinned a day in his life.  Yet, he still preaches the gospel of Jesus Christ.  He still believes that God loves him with everything He is.  Just because we sin, does not mean we are worthless.  Sometimes those sins can be used for a ministry for those who feel like the world is over.  You can use your mistakes and sins to reach someone else going through the same thing.  In the Bible it says in 2 Corinthians 1:6 "If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer."  This basically means that you are not the only one who suffers in this life.  If you are suffering, it is probably because God has someone that needs your help and guidance through their suffering.  So, take those moments of suffering and thank God for the opportunity to share with those around you.  You are being used for His purpose.  Satan may say otherwise, but we all know he is just lying through his teeth.

we are forgiven

Just this week, I was talking with a friend of mine who has a hard time understanding that God saves regardless.  They also had a hard time understanding that God has a purpose for their life even if they didn't or couldn't believe it.  It was a very interesting, wonderful, God-given talk that I had with this person.  I was able to tell them everything that I have been learning this past month and that they could have the same thing I had if they were just able to give their heart fully and completely to God.  Sadly, some people in this world think that as soon as you accept and believe that Jesus is their Lord and Savior then that's all they need to do in order to be a Christian.  This is one step.  The next step is to actively seek Him and learn more about Him.  I will admit that I have not done that in my life.  I have had spiritual highs that will last all of a week and then it's back to reality.  But, think about it.  Being completely in love with God and giving everything up to Him, not having that burden on your shoulders anymore, could be your reality.  You could have that all the time.  I'm not saying that you are going to feel like you could shout from the rooftops everyday, but I will say that you can be changed forever. 

I started reading something that Beth Moore wrote down and it hit me like a ton of bricks.  I mean, it's obvious once I started reading it but I never thought about it before.  She was mentioning how cruel this world is.  Uh, I'm sure you are saying, "DUH!"  But, hold on for a second.  I have been through too much crap and denied God more times than I can count.  I have put Him on the back burner for most of my life until something happens (tragedy) and then He is on the front burner until I don't need Him anymore.  I have ignored His requests and pretended like He was not there.  But, He still loves me and wants me to have the most amazing relationship that I will ever encounter.  He wants to give us more in our lives with a relationship with Him than we can or could EVER get here on Earth.  Beth says, "We need a place we can go when, as much as we loathe, it, we are needy and hysterical."  I read this as we need to hit rock bottom in order for us to reach out for the only thing that we have left; God.  This is so true.  We need to be so broken before we are able to have the relationship with Him that He desires to have with us.  I have prayed this last month that those that I talk to about my journey with God with that they will be broken before Him and be able to see who He truly is.  I challenge you to pray this prayer and learn to be broken before your God.

We are the problem

Okay, this title may get you a little upset.  I was reading this book thinking that I do not have all the problems, others (men) do too.  However, I have noticed from my past (just by reading this section), that I have tried to make men the center of my life regardless of how I did it.  I tried the online thing and that didn't work out because I was attracting creepers.  Trust me, they were.  You should have seen the conversations that they would try to have with me.  That's another story. 

I was trying to get the attention and love from a group of people (men) that I thought would make me feel better about myself.  I was dead wrong.  It actually made me feel worse because I was technically getting from them what I thought was what I wanted until I realized in the middle of talking with these people, that they were the exact opposite of what I wanted.  Granted, I would not have known half of that if I had not started talking with these people, but if I thougth through what was appropriate or what God wanted, then I would not have engaged in that in the first place.  Beth explains that women act the way in a way that makes us want the guys to rescue us, when most guys want the opposite.  Yes, they do like taking care of us.  Yes, they want to be that shoulder for us to cry on.  However, they do not want the drama that we present because we want their attention.  That is not how this works.  Instead, to save us from our own humiliation, we need to turn to allowing God to be that guy that we want the attention and love from and everything else will follow. 

Guys, it goes the same for you.  If you start to search for God and allow God to run that part of your life, love or insecurities, then your decisions will be better for you AND your future spouse.  I know of a few gusy in my life that want to rescue the girls in trouble, but the relationship never works out.  The girls are making their lives hard so the guys come in like a knight in shining armor but then the guys start to get fed up with always putting on their heavy, suited armor.  They do like to be rescued sometimes too.  It's a two-way street.  We need to start looking to ourselves to start to figure out why we have these insecurities instead of looking to others around us to hide that insecurity.  Pray that God will help you have the strength to overcome that.

So Long Insecurities

A friend of mine gave me a book to read once I got done with reading "When God Writes Your Love Story."  She told me that she read the book and was convicted to share this book with me with everything that I have been learning in the last month or so.  Beth Moore's book "So Long Insecurities" is basically just that.  She is able to take all the insecurities that women have and explain how we can overcome them.  I know there are guys out there too that have insecurities, too.  I have talked to them.  I admit that I have insecurities a mile long and a mile wide.  Sometimes, I do dwell on them.  But, Beth mentioned in her first chapter if we don't have anyone around us to tell us how amazing, beautiful, wonderful, life-changing we are, then can we survive in this world and surpass our insecurities?  As a woman, I very much enjoy hearing things like how beautiful I am (thanks Dad!!) or what a wonderful person I am.  However, Beth says that we are not going to get that all the time and we need to learn to be able to work through that, even though we need that reassurance, it may not happen when we need it to.  So, are we going to be able to continue on with our lives if no one compliments us?  I think we can.  I do have a hard time with this as well.  I definitely need to continue to learn about how to leave the insecurities behind and continue on.  I am not going to hear everyday from my dad about how beautiful he thinks his little girl is, but I can turn to God to get that assurance.  Just because the people on Earth may say one thing, does not mean that it is true.  God holds the truth and He loves us just the way we are.  I have been learning that this last month about how much God does love me, insecurities and all.  I never want people to think that it is easy to believe that God loves us with all our flaws, because it's not easy.  But, it's relieving to know that it is true.  So, I challenge you (and myself) to let God take care of those insecurities you may have and just to let it go.  It will be hard, but in the end it will be SOOOO worth it!

These last few weeks have been the most terrifying but the most exhiliarating time in my life.  I have chosen to give up everything that I have in order to allow God to turn my life around.  Now, when I say everything I mean those things that are hindering my relationship with God (though I have faltered), as well as just giving up those things I cannot touch like worry, anger, love, etc.  It has been an exciting experience so far.  But, as I am reading the last few chapters of When God Writes Your Love Story, I have been asked the question of Would I give up my blanket to Jesus?  This means, if I had nothing else in the world but a small blanket to keep myself warm, would I be able to sit next to Jesus and hand Him my blanket even though I know it might cause certain death?  Isn't that what giving your life over to Jesus means?  That we would die for our Savior?  "When we choose to let go of what little we have and surrender it to God, it's then we receive the bounty of His kingdom."  I whole-heartedly believe this.  These last few weeks have tested my faith in God's love for my family and me.  Ever since I chose to give God everything, I believe Satan has been trying to lure my family and me back to our old habits of thinking or the way we react to things.  But, we tried our best not to allow Satan to have any of that and God has shown to be better than any of us could have imagined. 

"When you know Jesus Christ, the tender hand of heaven begins to masterfully shape your life to exhibit the glory of heaven for the entire world to see."  God never said that being a Christian was easy.  I have known people to lose their popularity and friends because of proclaiming to be a Christian.  In fact, I have gone through that too.  There have been numerous friends of mine who choose not to invite me places or hang out with me out in public because I am a Christian.  In all honesty, there are times when I wish that this had not happened and I could say that I was not a Christian because I want to be hanging out with those people.  But, I am so glad that I do not compromise who I am in Christ for the sake that if I did, I would be denying Him and EVERYTHING He has done for me.  What kind of Christian does that make me?  I know Christians who will say they are Christians (to me) and go out and deny that that conversation was ever had.  "We don't just know it, but we live it for all the world to witness."  This is something that I have now dedicated my life for.  There are people (some in my family) who have tried to push me to do what they want instead of what God wants.  I have flat out told them, "If that is what God wants me to do, then pray about it and He will show me.  If this is something that He does not want me to do then I choose not to do it."  Some people are not understanding this, but I do not need them to understand it.  I need God.

White as Snow

These are lyrics from Leslie and Eric's album Faithfully.  Just read and pray on the words and lift your burdens and sins up to God and let His words wash over you.

Alone and confused, your heart is bruised from sin;
Your joy is gone from love gone wrong
And you're longing to start again.
I know that you've been hurt,
and you don't know whom to trust;
I won't pretend I understand your pain.
But i can see repentance in your eyes,
and I know it's not too late;
I hear Him calling your name...

White as snow, He has made you white as snow;
The moment you confessed, His heart forgave.
You might think you've ruined all the plans He had for you,
But it's for that very reason Jesus saves.
White as snow, He has made you white as snow;
Pure and innocent like a dove,
Though you have done nothing to deserve His pardoning,
You've been purified by Jesus' blood --
White as snow.

The guilt and the shame, keeping you chained,
Not wanting to let you go;
It's no how you dreamed, not how you planned,
And you can't see that still there is hope.

Receive His healing for your bruises;
Receive His riches for your rags.
You cannot imagine all the plans He has for you,
So take His hand, and don't look back.

"Serious Sin"

I am sinful by nature.  I make mistakes just like the next person.  I have temptations that some don't even know about.  But, regardless of all the excuses I try to make, all my sin is harmful to me and my future spouse.  I have lived so much in sin that for years I, didn't forget about Christ, but I didn't feel worthy of having Him.  I lived in my sin because I either didn't see a way out or I just figured what's the difference of me having sin now than me sinning tomorrow?  This is a horrible attitude to have.  Sin is something we choose to do.  But, do not let sin fool you.  Satan has told me so many lies in the past and he still does today.  He constantly tells me how unworthy I am of having God in my life with Him being so perfect.  I am so not perfect and why do I even think that God would want me with the sin that I have committed in my life?  I know I am not the only person out there who has thought this.  In fact, I just had a conversation with one of my friends about this.  She has told me that she believes that she is not destined to have a pure husband because she is not.  She told me she would rather have someone who has been with someone else or has been married before because she probably won't find someone who is pure.  However, she feels so impure that she thinks that her future husband needs to be just as impure so there is not comparison with him being more pure than her.  I just find this sad.  Satan is capable of telling us so many lies that we start to believe them because it's the easy way out.  Now, I am not saying that she does not have a right to feel this way because there are so many times that I feel the same way. 

Leslie grew up in a church that had the idea of "You are all going to mess up in this area, because in this day and age, sexual sin is nearly inevitable.  But don't worry, God offers a second virginity.  His grace will cover you."  I see this as testing God and using God as a backup plan.  That's pretty much like saying, "Oh, just sin.  God will forgive you anyway."  This is not a way to live your life.  This is taking God for granted and we have already done this by Jesus having to die on the cross for our sins.  Why would we think that it's okay to do that again?  Sin destructs our lives.  Whatever sin you have in your life, if you are unable to give that sin to God, then you are going to bring that baggage with you into your relationship.  You do not want to burden your future spouse or yourself with such heaviness. 

I love what Leslie says in chapter fifteen.  "The beauty of a God-written love story is not something reserved for the perfect or the pious; it's for the sinners like you and me.  That's what God's love is all about.  We are so unworthy of His grace and forgiveness -- and yet He offers it to us freely."  How amazing is this?!  I am so not worthy of God's love.  But, He loves us so much that He gives us the chance to live with Him in our lives with no questions asked.  I just pray that Christians and non-Christians alike, realize that no matter the sin (without taking advantage) that we go through, we can still become anew and become just as spiritually pure as we hope to ever be.  I believe men and women sell themselves SO short when they choose to just give up and settle for something that God does not want for us.  If we are able to give our lives over to God and just let Him write our story, our desires of wanting a pure relationship and a pure spouse is so possible it's ridiculous!  Those people just need to give it to God and pray for their future spouse and leave it to rest.  I cannot imagine why Christians are now settling for what they think they deserve instead of accepting what we do not.  We do not deserve God but accepting Him into our lives is the most amazing and indescribable feeling that you will ever have.