"so that others may live"

I am basing my blog off of last night's episode of One Tree Hill.  Seriously, I cannot stop crying.  I truly love this series for that reason.  Everything hits home and everyone can relate.  I had a friend that I talked about in an earlier blog who passed away when she was a freshman in high school.  She was such an inspiration.  Last night's episode (I'm sorry if you have not watched it) ended with some random guy donating his organs "so that others may live".  I started crying because that is what my friend did.  She saved many lives even after she had left this world.  I am crying right now just writing this blog.  I do not want to die at a young age, but if I ever did, I would want to know that I was not dying in vain.  Saving others even after I pass away is one of the greatest gifts that I could ever give someone.  Jesus died for me and because of this, he saved me.  He saved me.  He saved me.  This is what my friend did.  She died and she saved others.  I sit here, barely able to see the screen because tears keep whelling up and I am thankful for both my friend and the life she lived.  She lived and died "so that others may live".  What an amazing story.  What about you?  Would you be willing to donate or even give up one organ "so that others may live"?  Could you?

hitting rock bottom

What would happen if everything in your life was completely taken away from you?  School, health, family, friends, possessions?  What would you do then?  In a way, this would be like hitting rock bottom.  I know most people do not have to have absolutely everything taken away from them but I know that some sure feel like that has happened.  My whole life was revolved around being the best Christian you could be and trusting God with everything, because He is all you have.  Oh my, I never really understood how true this was.  My family has been in financial trouble since I can remember.  Now, not saying this is good or bad, but it was different.  I also have had many car issues in my life that I have almost lost track of the problems that have occured.  I also have been very depressed.  You could say that was my rock bottom.  I think it was for me because everything else had other people included, the finances, the cars.  But, with depression, that was all me.  I was so depressed, my hours at work were cut to three hours a day because I would not get out of bed until I had to get to work.  Then, I would sleep all day.  I dropped all of my classes.  In fact, I started cutting myself because I wanted to just feel something.  This was my rock bottom.  Somehow, near the end of the summer, I pushed myself to reenter school and I pushed through it.  I got through my year at Parkland.  I thought that was never possible.  But, I also realized the fall of 2007, that God was with me the whole time.  I felt like I had nothing.  I knew my family was there but they didn't understand.  My friends and I rarely hung out and I was isolating myself.  I realized the only thing I had was God.  Once everything was stripped away from me, He was left standing and everything else had fallen apart.  He was my rock.  I needed Him to be.  I never let Him be but I was willing to give Him that role.  I can honestly tell you, I have never looked back.  I have struggled along the way, yes, but I have never fallen back down that pit since He pulled me out of it.  This has been the gain of my life.  God has been the gain of my life.  Is He yours?

giving or selling your possessions?

Okay, so this has been repetitive but it seems to be what I am supposed to talk about for some reason.  I'll figure it out.  Anyway, have you seen Oprah or Bill Gates or Donald Trump give away all their earnings, ever?  I don't think so.  I wouldn't want to.  I have sold a few of my things in order to have a more Christ-centered life.  But, just imagine one of these people deciding that whatever they have they are just going to sell or give it ALL away?  You have a big imagination.  Most people would think that they are completely nuts and insane.  But, what would your response be if they said, "Because God told me to."  With my dvd collection alone, I have had so many people question whether or not that is a good move at all.  Well, I can say this.  It is not their decisions, or MINE.  It was God's and I have to listen to Him.  Sorry but I don't want the wrath of God.  One way to tell if a person is truly in love with God and if that person truly wants to please God to their core is what they do with their life.  Giving and selling possessions is just a part of it.  However, this is one way to measure a person's belief and trust in God is if they are willing to part with everything they own in order to give glory to God.  I say that is one strong human being.  Is there something in your life that you need to part with because it is hindering your relationship with God?  Just pray about it.  He will tell you what to do.

do you die everday?

Do you die everyday?  I can say with 100% certainty that I do not.  But, isn't that what a Christian means?  To die everyday?  Let me explain.  Jesus asked us to take up our cross and follow him.  Do you get the picture now?  We are the ones that put Him up on that cross.  It was our sin that nailed Him there.  It was our sin that killed our precious Savior.  Jesus asks us to "die" everyday in order to follow Him.  Okay, no He does not mean literally.  He means for us to always jump out of our comfort zones and follow Him the middle of the valleys and in the darkness when no one else will enter.  He asks us to give up EVERYTHING we have and allow ourselves to do what is asked of us when Jesus commands it.  This is one area I REALLY need to work on.  I mean, I started it with small things and then God asked me to sell my DVD collection.  I'll be honest, that one hurt.  But, I know and feel that weight lifted off my shoulders because I do not have to have the best dvd's or the best collection because I want the best of God.  Now, I have heard of people having to sell ALL of their belongings in order to allow God to be the center of their lives (uh, Job anyone?).  I hope I do not have to do this.  But, I truly believe I would be able to now, now that my "most prized" possessions are gone.  I do not have anything holding me back.  I would like to say that I would do anything that God asked me to do.  So far, I've been okay.  But, I pray that He gives me the strength to do anything He needs me to do.  So, I have not died everyday to be with Jesus, though I should.  So, I pray to start now and allow my "dying" to be the hope and inspiration to someone else that they can allow God to be the center of their lives too.

living for Christ through everything

I know one thing that I have NEVER asked myself was "If I love Christ, how can he be magnified in my behavior this afternoon, this evening, this week?"  Piper poses this question as a challenge to those who need a little boost in our walk with God.  Life is not easy, and God knew that.  However, that does not mean that we do not strive to be the best that He wants us to be ALL the time.  Actually, sitting here thinking about it, I need to put this question next to my door as I walk out for the day.  I need to be constantly reminded that how I react or behave or even think, reflects how I can magnify God.  I'm going to be honest.  I had some pretty impure thoughts run through my head on the way back from my class this evening.  But, in order to get rid of those thoughts, I put on the radio to the local Christian station and I blasted it so I could focus on the words and drown out my thoughts.  I can tell you, it is not easy being a Christian that struggles with sin but how I respond to that sin is what either brings me closer to God or further away.  My reaction was to listen to God more and my thoughts less.  I have not always done this.  There are numerous times I have drown out God and let my sin consume me.  But, I am glad that this was not the way that I went today.  In fact, I heard God more today than I have this past week.  I really think I needed that to show me that God always needs to be the center of my life, even in my thoughts.  So, I will challenge myself and you that we all need to be asking that question about how to reflect Christ through our reactions, behaviors, and thoughts everyday of our lives.  Let's see what happens when we allow Him to take control of our lives and see what we are more proud of.  The sin that consumes us?  Or the God that consumes us?  I'll let you decide.

our life can have meaning

"If our life and death do not show the worth and wonder of Jesus, they are wasted."  Sitting here thinking about this statement has definitely hit home.  There are so many things in my life I am not proud of.  There are also many things in my life that other people have seen that would make them question whether or not I believe in God.  This hurts to think this about myself.  But, in reality has my life really reflected the "worth and wonder of Jesus"?  On the outside, yeah, maybe.  There are certain things that I strive to do not only because I love to do them, but because I know it brings glory to God.  But, my question is what really brings glory to God?  The fact that I act out what I think God wants or is it what I know He wants and act on it WITH ALL MY HEART?  I fear in my life that I will not be remembered for the person that Jesus is.  This has been one of my greatest fears since the moment I found out a friend of mine passed away in high school.  Her life was fully and completely devoted to God.  But, what about me?  Can people look at me that way?  I know that as I ponder on this question that John Piper proposes, I can have that kind of life.  I can be that person that others can see and notice that there is something there and they want to know what that is.  I know I can be the person that people see Jesus in.  Logically I know this.  But, I am sure that you have also had that feeling of "I know it, but do I believe it." 

A friend of mine recently witnessed to a complete stranger.  She asked this stranger if he had ever heard the story of Jesus.  This guy said he believed in Jesus.  However, my friend went further in asking, "You can believe in Jesus but do you have a personal relationship with Him?"  The stranger was confused and my friend went on to use the analogy of "You saw me and you believed I was there but you had no idea who I was.  Now we have a relationship.  Before you could not say that we had a relationship."  You could say, I believe that I can be the person Jesus wants me to be.  But, I need to believe in the relationship with Him that this will happen.  I need to give it to Him and allow Him to use me.  I always need to seek that relationship with Him.  So, yes, my life can have meaning when I pass on because I was able to live for Christ?  How about you?

vespers

Okay, so tonight was Vespers on campus.  First off, worship was amazing (as always) and second the speaker wasn't so bad himself.  Actually, one thing that caught my eye when he was speaking was about God's conviction.  He used and analogy of God constantly poking you to make you understand that you are either doing something you are not supposed to be doing or you need to get rid of whatever is hindering you from the joy He wants to provide you.  Well, first of all, I thought of everything I have been going through.  Then, he said, "He does this because He loves you."  Now, I knew God loved me before but I now realized that God does not make us feel bad about what we are doing or what we are supposed to be doing, He makes us realize there is a better way for us to choose.  For those of you who are not quite getting it yet, God wants us to choose Him and not what is surrounding us.  In fact, my own analogy that I used during Vespers was our parents' rules.  Okay, as kids we could not stand our parents' rules and we always thought they would set certain rules just to be mean, but they set certain rules to keep us safe and because they love us.  So in comparison, God's convictions to us is like our parents' rules; annoying and painful but necessary.  Now, when I have a conviction, I know it's not because God wants me to give something up to Him because He wants to make me mad or uncomfortable, He wants me to allow Him to be the center of that part of my life instead of what I am filling it with.  Now, that makes perfect sense to me.  It's all a matter of actually practicing it now.