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Friday, September 24, 2010

hitting rock bottom

What would happen if everything in your life was completely taken away from you?  School, health, family, friends, possessions?  What would you do then?  In a way, this would be like hitting rock bottom.  I know most people do not have to have absolutely everything taken away from them but I know that some sure feel like that has happened.  My whole life was revolved around being the best Christian you could be and trusting God with everything, because He is all you have.  Oh my, I never really understood how true this was.  My family has been in financial trouble since I can remember.  Now, not saying this is good or bad, but it was different.  I also have had many car issues in my life that I have almost lost track of the problems that have occured.  I also have been very depressed.  You could say that was my rock bottom.  I think it was for me because everything else had other people included, the finances, the cars.  But, with depression, that was all me.  I was so depressed, my hours at work were cut to three hours a day because I would not get out of bed until I had to get to work.  Then, I would sleep all day.  I dropped all of my classes.  In fact, I started cutting myself because I wanted to just feel something.  This was my rock bottom.  Somehow, near the end of the summer, I pushed myself to reenter school and I pushed through it.  I got through my year at Parkland.  I thought that was never possible.  But, I also realized the fall of 2007, that God was with me the whole time.  I felt like I had nothing.  I knew my family was there but they didn't understand.  My friends and I rarely hung out and I was isolating myself.  I realized the only thing I had was God.  Once everything was stripped away from me, He was left standing and everything else had fallen apart.  He was my rock.  I needed Him to be.  I never let Him be but I was willing to give Him that role.  I can honestly tell you, I have never looked back.  I have struggled along the way, yes, but I have never fallen back down that pit since He pulled me out of it.  This has been the gain of my life.  God has been the gain of my life.  Is He yours?

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