missing people

You know, dogs may be that, just dogs, but they are a huge part of my family.  We were lucky to have such a wonderful dog for the last 11 years.  She was my best friend when I didn't have one, she was my care-giver when no one was home, she was my blanket when I was too weak to get one.  She was sometimes everything I had.  Today, my mother had to make the unfortunate decision of not letting my precious princess suffer anymore in this cruel world of ours.  It was not an easy decision, I know that.  But now, it feels empty walking into the house without the sad face of a basset hound just waiting to see me walk through that door.  Her little tail wagging as she trips over her ears as she ran towards the door to greet me with a pitiful roll over on her back for me to rub her rubber-like stomach and velvety ears.  That is one thing I am going to miss and I will never forget the comfort she brought to me, though she was ornery sometimes.  I will forever love and miss my best friend, Shiloh.  I love you, baby.  Thank you for being there for me when no one else was. 

unforgiving people

If you read the title you may be thinking I am going to be talking about unforgiving people and how horrible they are and that I don't like them.  Well, have you ever thought that maybe I am an unforgiving person or what about you?  God commands us to forgive even when we don't want to.  In fact, last night at Vespers there was a couple that was interviewed about forgiveness.  I can tell you that they are one of the prime example of what forgiveness is all about.  They had built up a very wealthy business and were able to sell that business for 1.4 million dollars.  Yeah, I say that was pretty successful.  Well, they were doing well for about a year and a half and then the new owner of their business told them that there was no more money.  How could there be no more money after only a year and half?  Well, the couple went through legal issues to try and get the rest of their money.  However, it was not bringing them any closer to comfort or happiness.  So, they looked to God for guidance.  They figured out that God wanted them to forgive the new owners of their debts and not accept another dime from him.  Uh... excuse me?  Okay, I have people who still ask me for money from something that I was not able to pay them back (however, they knew that this was going to happen because before they lent the money to me I told them this) and recently all these people that I owe and not even a fraction of what this poor couple needed to be paid, they refuse to forgive me for not paying them back when they needed the money.  You have to understand that there are numerous things that kept me from being able to give this money to those people.  Family issues is more important to me and I needed to tend to that first.  This sounds like a pity party but it's really not.  It just shows the kind of people that we need to be instead of the kind of people that we loathe.  God does not want unforgiving people working "for" Him because He wants us to be able to love and lead those people to Him.  How can we do this if we are mad at them or hold a grudge over their heads.  You really think this is going to help anything?  Absolutely not.  So instead of being upset with these people that apparently need their money now, I am trying to scrape my pennies and sell my possessions in order to rid me of debt and clouds that are hanging over my head.  This way, I am able to also show those people that they do matter and God loves them.  I know this is a weird way of showing God's love to someone but following through with commitments is actually one of those things that you can show others and it be in a God-loving way.  So, are you one of those unforgiving people or are you one of those people that others can see God's love in by the way you forgive them?

The Love of God Triumphs

Isn't that a beautiful statement?  I loved this when I read it the first time and still do after the sixth.  But, in all truthfulness, isn't it so true?  The love of God triumphs EVERYTHING!!! No matter what struggle you (or I) am going through, or what tragedy happens in the future, or even the amazing news we heard today, God's love triumphs everything.  Sometimes it is very hard to see this when we are in the midst of our storms.  We have questions all the time (much like what we learned in Vespers tonight).  One question we tend to have is Why?  Why would God allow my family to go through what they are going through right now?  Why would God allow a friend of mine who is 22 have Breast Cancer?  Why would people I am close to and who ARE Christians not understand who God can be for them?  Why? 

We may always have questions that need answers to when we are in the midst of something we feel is horrible.  But the coolest part is God's love does triumph even death itself.  If you have not read my previous blogs, I have mentioned a friend of mine who passed away whe she was a freshman in high school.  She loved Jesus with all her heart and thensome.  Her death did not kill what Jesus was for her.  Even in her death she saved people, physically and spiritually.  She saved people, though she was not around.  It was a huge tragedy the way that she died, but God' love conquered all.  It does conquer all and it will when Judgment Day comes.  That is one amazing feeling and a reason why I know I can live for Christ without regret and with loads of risk, because one day my life will not matter except with what Christ has done in my life FOR those around me.

being tested beyond our faith

So, my family is going through a rough time right now.  Nothing, I am sure that they would want me to share with the world.  When the time is right, I will.  But, besides that.  My family is going through a lot of crap right now.  It is very hard to be here, in school, away from them.  I have that personality when something is wrong I not only try to fix it but I have to be there to help do that.  It is hard to be here.  I already said that, oh well.  John Piper's book Don't Waste Your Life, very much focuses on we can better improve our lives for the sake of doing God's will.  I really like that concept.  Well, I have learned to focus my energy on doing God's will for the last few months, though I have strayed in doing so.  This being said, I know part of the reason why my family is going through a rough time is not because we are bad people.  We are good people going through a bad time.  Who doesn't?  But I really believe the reason is to see God shine through it all.  I started learning that this summer when other things were going on with my sister and her life.  However, I realized tonight that I failed to allow that to carry over into other aspects of my life.  Finances, car issues, finances, friendships, even something like giving my time and keeping commitments.  But, I logically know that God never allows us to go through anything that we cannot handle.  He allows us to go through things that are tough but He does want us to lean on Him during those times because we all know we cannot do it alone.  It is just not possible. 

I know God is taking care of my family.  He has allowed me to be able to have school paid for without my parents' help so they can start to worry about other things that have been put on the back burner because of me.  I know He has given my older brother and sister-in-law a fruitful life with a brand new daughter and an income that keeps them comfortable.  But, if you look at the paths in order to get to these places, it was far from easy.  My brother nearly quit school because of the stress of figuring out how to pay for it.  They lived on cereal for 3 months because they could not afford anything else.  What is to show for it?  They attend a beautiful church with a church family that has been more than supportive, more like a second family without us there.  They have a beautiful daughter that my sister-in-law has been waiting for for 8 years.  They have a faith stronger than ever because of the fruits of the testing they were put through.  They leaned on God through it all.  I have never had an easy school life.  I almost was taken out of school because my grades were so bad that I could not get them up AND finances wouldn't cover a semester like that again.  Once I started leaning on letting God take care of it (even after I started packing some of my things), God put someone in my life to help me pay for school so I could stay and graduate.  I am still in school but I have had the fruits of the hardship that my family and I were put through in order to see what God was doing for me.  Now, I just have to wait and allow Him to take care of my family, once again.  But, the one thing I have learned is that God does not give us an overabundance of things so we can live without struggle, but He gave us just enough to allow us to live and survive, even if it is from paycheck to paycheck.  He gives us what we have to survive and live for Him.  If He always gave us what we wanted when we asked for it then would we really see who He truly was? 

persecuted Christians

How many times have you been persecuted because you bear the name of Jesus Christ?  I can tell you the earliest memory I have of being made fun of because I was a Christian was in Junior High.  My class was waiting on the gym teacher to give us instructions on what we were doing that day.  In fact, I believe it was 7th grade.  I carried my Bible a lot with me that year.  Anyway, I remember reading Acts in gym while we were waiting in our neat rows and this kid (I won't use his name) started ratting on me to his friends.  He would talk loud enough to where I could hear him but the teacher and any adult near us were just out of reach.  "She is such a Bible Thumper.  All she does is read her Bible like she is better than us.  What does she do, worship that Bible?  Hey, Lindsay, your a big fat Bible Thumper!"  I felt alone.  I felt embarrassed because NO ONE stood up for me.  All my "friends" that were surrounding me just sat there.  Honestly, I don't blame them.  Junior High is bad enough, I would not want to be associated with someone that was being called names.  However, looking back on it now, I would not want to be called anything else.  I knew so many people, girls in particular, even in Junior High were known as the girls that was with a different guy every week and doing things with that guy that my friends in the high school had never hear of.  There were rumors going around about people doing things or being with people they shouldn't be and doing things with those people. 

I should have been a pround Junior Higher that not only was I NOT associated with that crowd but that is what people knew about me.  I read my Bible.  I was able to use that as a sword and a weapon against anyone who may have had problems with me reading my Bible.  I was known as the girl that read the Bible but I also bore the name of Jesus Christ.  I should have been proud of that.  Back then, I was not.  Any Junior Higher wants to fit in with their peers.  That was just not going to happen with me.  I wish I would have reacted differently than I did.  I remember is was less than holy.  In 1 Peter 4:12-14 it says, "Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to rest you, as though something strange were happening to you.  But rejoice insofar as you share Christ's sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed.  If you are insulted for the name of Christ, you are blessed, because the Spirit of glory and of God rests upon you."  How many Christians do you know are closet Christians?  Are they able to speak out for God's sake instead of sulking in the corner when someone says something negative about God?  Are you one of those people?

is security safe or harmful?

Most people think security is something that keeps them safe and out of harm's way.  I mean, I think that is what security means to me.  It's comfortable and warming to know that security is on my side.  I mean, I always go home to my family for safety and security.  It feels right.  But, what about allowing your security to be a crutch?  There are too many times when something feels uncomfortable to us that does not allow us to take the leap of faith that God is taking care of us.  For crying out loud, my aunt and uncle were missionaries in Turkey for 34 years.  HA.  I could never imagine putting myself in a situation like that.  My cousins now worry about their kids in the schools over there on whether or not the school is going to be bombed.  My uncle was thrown in prison for his missions work so many times that he lost count.  Could I do that?  Could I be like Paul and allow myself to be in a situation where security was not an option but far from it?  Paul knew when he went into different countries to teach that he was going to be thrown in prison.  He just didn't know who was going to do it or when or how long he had before they did.  I mean, that is dedication but ultimately that is faith at its best.  I have had a tugging on my heart to not be a teacher.  HA.  I have been in school for 5 years, working on my 6th to NOT teach?  For real?  But, on the upside, I have had that tugging on my heart to use my education background to go teach kids in the mission field.  As I sit here and write this, I feel peace on my heart that this is what my life has been about.  I have been put through this schooling process to teach kids..... but not in a school.  Oh, now I'm excited!!!  I of course have no idea where this is going to lead me but I know it's somewhere good if God is leading it.  But, is it going to be safe?  Is it going to be secure?  Maybe not.  But, with God leading it I know I am in the security of His hands and I know everything will be okay.  So how secure are you?  Are you able to live your life the way God wants you to or are you too afraid to let Him? 

risk

First off, I'm sorry I have not written in forever.  I have no excuse.  I just didn't.  Now, I remember why I need to.  For my spiritual life to succeed, I need to be in God's word.  HA.  Yeah, I know.  Big revelation, right?  However, I didn't realize how these blogs helped me do that until this week.  So, back to blogging five times a day if I have things to talk about.  So here goes:

Okay, so loving God is risky, right?  It is risky all the time.  You cannot tell me those who have ended up in jail (my uncle) because they have loved Christ is not risky.  However, loving Christ is what we should be doing.  So in a way, you could say living life is risky.  Are we not supposed to live our lives for Christ?  Living for Christ is loving Christ and loving Christ is risky.  So living life = risky.  But, if you look at the other side of the spectrum, living without Christ is also risky.  However, this kind of risk is not the brightest idea ever.  Would you jump out of an airplane without a parachute?  Didn't think so.  So, why would we live our lives without Christ in it?  I have found this past week that my living without Christ brings me great discomfort, pain, disappointment, anger, pride, resentment, bitterness, bad decision making (which we can all relate to), and a loveless life.  Why in the world would I ever want any of this surrounding me?  Why in the world would I choose to live that life instead of one where Love surrounds you all the time and living for Christ brings the greatest joy anyone can ever feel?  I have chosen to put things in my way of living for Christ.  Not just materialistic things, but sleep.  Sounds dumb I know.  I thought I had a revelation last week about doing stuff for God all the time because I cannot understand why I wouldn't in the first place.  However, understanding and doing are two completely different things.  I understood what I needed to do, so what did I do?  I ignored them.  The worst decision I could make.  I have never been happier these last few months than I have ever been in my whole life.  But, this last week has been a spiritual battle.  I just was not listening to what I needed to be listening to.  Now, it's time to change that.  I don't mean just saying it but I really mean doing it.  It's time to take a risk.