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Friday, October 8, 2010

being tested beyond our faith

So, my family is going through a rough time right now.  Nothing, I am sure that they would want me to share with the world.  When the time is right, I will.  But, besides that.  My family is going through a lot of crap right now.  It is very hard to be here, in school, away from them.  I have that personality when something is wrong I not only try to fix it but I have to be there to help do that.  It is hard to be here.  I already said that, oh well.  John Piper's book Don't Waste Your Life, very much focuses on we can better improve our lives for the sake of doing God's will.  I really like that concept.  Well, I have learned to focus my energy on doing God's will for the last few months, though I have strayed in doing so.  This being said, I know part of the reason why my family is going through a rough time is not because we are bad people.  We are good people going through a bad time.  Who doesn't?  But I really believe the reason is to see God shine through it all.  I started learning that this summer when other things were going on with my sister and her life.  However, I realized tonight that I failed to allow that to carry over into other aspects of my life.  Finances, car issues, finances, friendships, even something like giving my time and keeping commitments.  But, I logically know that God never allows us to go through anything that we cannot handle.  He allows us to go through things that are tough but He does want us to lean on Him during those times because we all know we cannot do it alone.  It is just not possible. 

I know God is taking care of my family.  He has allowed me to be able to have school paid for without my parents' help so they can start to worry about other things that have been put on the back burner because of me.  I know He has given my older brother and sister-in-law a fruitful life with a brand new daughter and an income that keeps them comfortable.  But, if you look at the paths in order to get to these places, it was far from easy.  My brother nearly quit school because of the stress of figuring out how to pay for it.  They lived on cereal for 3 months because they could not afford anything else.  What is to show for it?  They attend a beautiful church with a church family that has been more than supportive, more like a second family without us there.  They have a beautiful daughter that my sister-in-law has been waiting for for 8 years.  They have a faith stronger than ever because of the fruits of the testing they were put through.  They leaned on God through it all.  I have never had an easy school life.  I almost was taken out of school because my grades were so bad that I could not get them up AND finances wouldn't cover a semester like that again.  Once I started leaning on letting God take care of it (even after I started packing some of my things), God put someone in my life to help me pay for school so I could stay and graduate.  I am still in school but I have had the fruits of the hardship that my family and I were put through in order to see what God was doing for me.  Now, I just have to wait and allow Him to take care of my family, once again.  But, the one thing I have learned is that God does not give us an overabundance of things so we can live without struggle, but He gave us just enough to allow us to live and survive, even if it is from paycheck to paycheck.  He gives us what we have to survive and live for Him.  If He always gave us what we wanted when we asked for it then would we really see who He truly was? 

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