why complain?

Today, I learned a whole heck of a lot and not from any book.  I read a friend's blog today and I couldn't contain myself.  I started to cry.  I really tried not to as I was in the company of some friends, but oh well.  A friend of mine has cancer.  Breast Cancer.  She is two years YOUNGER than I am.  How is this possible?  We are too young to have something this devastating happen to us.  I mean, it is devastating no matter what age you are but at my age?  My grandmother went through breast cancer and did not beat it.  She died at 45.  All I could think of when I was reading my friend's blog was what happened to my grandmother.  She was 20 years older than my friend is now and she was not able to beat the disease.  This is not supposed to happen. 

I read her blog and I could tell how angry she was at the cancer.  She wanted to scream from the room she was in at anyone who would listen.  She wanted to be whole again.  I immediately started to think about my situation.  I have been ill for over a week now.  Like I have lost too much weight than what you should lose in a month when you're eating right and working out.  I have been unable to eat anything for fear of my body rejecting it.  But, this is NOTHING compared to what my friend is going through.  What right do I have to complain about anything?  I know I am going to get better.  But, she has to fight this the rest of her life.  How fair is that?  My complaining, first is not helping anyone, and second is not making anything better.  Today, when I read her blog, it was the first time she has shown any sign of frustration towards her disease.  She has been dealing with this for a while now and I have been sick for a week.  Seriously?!  Can I be any more ridiculous?  Can I be any more selfish?  I honestly, have never felt so bad about something in my life.  I am such a selfish human being.  I knew that but I never understood how much.  I am shocked with myself. 

The best part of this whole thing was when I went to Vespers tonight (a student-led worship service).  We sang "Nothing But the Blood".  In the middle of this song, there is a line that says "What can make me whole again?  Nothing but the blood of Jesus."  I immediately thought of my friend.  She had wanted to scream this the night before in a room waiting for a nurse to come in and tell her how they were going to remove part of her that almost defines us as women.  She just wants to be a human again and whole at that.  I had such reassurance tonight when I heard this part of the song.  In fact, I couldn't sing it because I was thinking of my friend.  I immediately started crying.  It's amazing how life can be put into perspective when you least expect it.  Sometimes I just wish that I would get my life lessons with a brick that is less heavy than learning through someone who has cancer.  Why is that?  Why is it that we only understand the meaning of life or something in it when someone we know is faced with such a situation?  Or even worse, having known someone who did not make it, for whatever reason?  Why must we learn our lessons through such tragic of events?  I pray that I will not have to learn these lessons the hard way like this.  I pray that God shows them to me with I hope an open heart, so I and no one else has to go through something so difficult for someone else to see who God truly is.  I know this is life and life happens, so I do know that this is probably not going to happen; but I can always dream right?