the failure of men

All my life I have put my trust in things that I logically knew would not extend beyond this life.  I put my faith in things that I thought would make me happy but in the end I was only disappointed because it was not what I was hoping for.  There are so many things in our lives that take high priority on our lists when in the end all of those things are going to only disappoint us when it's over with.  I mean come on, you really think that going out shopping for a new pair of shoes every other day is really going to fulfill your every need?  You ust be dilussional.  But you know what? I do that exact same thing.  I understand that rush of excitement of going out and buying something I don't have and coming home and "unwrapping" my present.  Then, I put that present where it is supposed to go, and then what?  I have to do it all over again to get that satisfied feeling?  What is wrong with me?  The pleasures of life only go so far.  They can only fulfill that temporary need of needing to have that thing or that person or that addiction.  But who are we fooling?  There can never be long lasting fulfillment in something that takes 5 minutes to do. 

Now, when you look at the relationship with God that you could be having instead of all the other things you distract yourself with, imagine that fulfillment.  Seriously?! That constant feeling of when you have that addiction or the pleasures in life, instead it's filled with something that means so much more.  Something that lasts so much longer.  Something that is eternal.  As Christians, we should be striving to always want to have that feeling but with God.  I do have my problems in this area.  I mean seriously?  Have you seen my movie collection?  This past weekend, my roommate has been gone since Thursday evening and I honestly can count the hours of television I have been watching.  Zero.  Why?  I have been reading and blogging until I can't anymore.  I listen to what God has to teach me that day and what I should be learning because He wants me to know.  I say that is such a better gift then I could have asked for.  I have been trying to leave the failures of men to them as I search for the one and true thing that will always keep me happy.  God.  He will never fail you.

He chose me?

I still cannot believe that God chose me to be an advocate for Him.  I'm sorry, but what in the world was He thinking?  Has He seen the sins I commit?  Has He seen what I have been through?  Has He seen who I am friends with?  Come on!  What was He thinking?  I mean, I am not your perfect Christian (though I may try to act like it sometimes).  I do not do everything to the book, even though I should.

He also wants you.  Yeah, I know it's crazy!! But, He also knows what He is doing.  If He wanted someone to be perfect and portray who He was then He would have chosen.... oh yeah, Jesus.  So, since I am not Jesus, then I guess I cannot argue.  I have figured out that God wants someone to help His other children and lost sheep to Him.  He wants us to be out there showing who He really is.  He picked someone to relate to other out there so we can show those people the forgiveness that God is capable of.  I chose to follow God so I need to allow Him to use me to do anything He needs from me.  So, I guess instead of saying, "You chose me, God? You are insane!" I should say, "Okay, God this is what You want me to do.  Then, yes, I will do it."  "Here I am.  Send me."  Right?

the beautiful side of love

Have you ever felt the need to hold someone or have someone hold you?  Have you ever wanted someone so bad that it literally hurts just to think of them?  Have you ever wanted to care about someone in a way that no one else could or even have them care about you that way?  Let me tell you, there is a way you can have all of this met and so much more. 

I'm not going to lie.  I want to be completely honest with you and myself.  I want that feeling more than words can say.  In fact, I have cried myself to sleep at nights because I have wanted my loved one to just hold me and hug me.  I want that person to care about me the way that I already care about them.  I know I need that.  However, I am learning that this will happen but I can still have that now.  Now? You say.  Yes, you can have that now and you can have it forever.  That warm embrace that melts your heart.  That look that makes you weak at the knees.  That passionate, romantic love does exist and you can have it.  God wants to have that with you.  I am learning that I can have all of this and more and it's so much more than I could have ever imagined.  I am now longing to open a book and read about how much my God loves me and how much I can totally let Him take over.  I cannot wait to feel that undying, unconditional, passionate love that God has for me.  I want to know my God better than I have ever known someone in my whole life.  For crying out loud!! It's only day three and look how much God has taught me already?! I get a lifetime of this and eternity!! Oh my goodness, I can't wait.

Your weakness is the soil in which I've chosen My strength and power to bloom in your life (2 Corinthians 12:10)

are we ready to let God captain our ship?

I can say that the last couple of days have been an interesting.  I have had problems allowing God to be the "captain" of my life.  I'm not sure why I didn't before?  It's very possible that I just wasn't ready to hear what He had to show me.  Now, even though it is still difficult, I can see why He needs to be the captain.  He definitely knows what's best and He definitely knows what is ahead in my life.  Imagine steering your own life and not seeing the icebergs and danger ahead?  We would run straight into those icebergs without a second thought because we were unable to know that they were there in order to steer away from them.  Now imagine God steering your life.  He would be able to steer far away from those dangers way before you would even begin to think about the fact that they were there.  How cool is that?  He keeps us safe and allows us to seek Him without putting us through things that we would be unable to handle.  He loves us that much that He wants us to steer away from those things but we can't do it alone.  We have to let Him take over and we will be safer than we ever thought possible.

are we really any different from non-believers?

There are so many Christians out there that say that they believe and then go around and sleep with anyone that walks through the door.  Then they go out in the boondocks and do whatever they are able to because no one is watching.  You hear so many times of those "Christians" who get caught by the law doing something completely illegal that you are completely shocked and appalled.  But, really?  Are we different from these people? We all have our downfalls and our weaknesses.  We have morals but so do some non-believers.  What really makes us different than those non-believers who may believe that having affairs are wrong, or cussing is just not worth it?  As a Christian, I have troubles that I go through and sins that I do commit.  I do ask for forgiveness but so do other Christians but they use it as a back up plan.  There are Christians out there that do not use God as a crutch and just fall back when they have committed something immoral.  The famous phrase, "I can do this because God will still forgive me and love me."  But, as a Christian who struggles with sin just as the next person, what really makes us different?

the price of Christianity

What do you think the price is for Christianity?  Is it giving up something that you want so bad that you can't seem to let go?  Is it something that consumes your mind so much that it is all you can think about?  What is that hold on you that you cannot let God have everything?  Being someone who knows that having something hold on to you so tight that you cannot let go for God, it is not worth it.  In the last two days I have gotten rid of a lot of materialistic things and emotional things so I can just enjoy my time with God and not be distracted from it.  In fact, today, I was so excited to get off work so I could go home and read "When God Writes Your Love Story".  I could not wait to see what He had in store for me.  In all honesty, I am still reading and writing about how I feel about His lessons for me it has been over 2 hours of just indulging myself with what He wants for me.  It is such an exciting experience in order to share this with Him.  My question, is why would you want anything else?  Do yourself a favor, get rid of those thoughts, that cd, that addiction and just give everything to God.  Just see what He has for your without all that junk.  Focusing on Him and His plans for your is so worth it, you won't even remember why you started without Him in the first place.

childlike faith

The beauty of childlike faith is the innocence and the faith a child has.  My nieces and nephews have this faith inbedded in them that requires this childlike faith that adults seem to lose as they get older.  I am to blame as well.  As I grew older my childlike faith became less and less and then I started questioning God's love for me and His will for me.  I have to remember that having childlike faith is having the faith that no matter what happens God will always be there regardless of if we believe that or not.  We will falter and we will have our doubts but He always remains the same.  The magnificence of childlike faith is when you are a younger person, whether it be a child or a young adult is seeing those grownups in our lives that still rely on God as if He were their one and only true love in the whole world.  They still rely on God to fulfill their needs after years of knowing Him.  They still adore God so much that they still cannot explain God in words but by continuously seeking Him to meet their needs.  One of my uncles is one of those people.  He may be older than me but he portrays that childlike faith I wish I still had.  I pray that God helps me open my heart and mind in order to have that childlike faith for Him.  I pray He does the same for you.

the sacrificing Christian...

Eric Ludy asks "If following Christ is really like that, then how come I never see anyone live like that today?"

This is a legitimate question.  You see Christians compromising who they are in order to hide from the world their true beliefs.  It is almost like they do just about anything to blend in with the crowd.  Why is that?  Why aren't Christians shouting from the rooftops about their love for God and what He has done for them?  Why is it such a secret?  I am very much guilty of this myself and as I slowly learn how to give my life to Christ in every way possible, I am starting to realize what I would give to Him.  I mean, He died for us, why can't we open our lives to others to show the difference He has made in our lives? If Christ died for us, I think we have enough reason to share who He is with the rest of the world.  Part of the reason why I am doing this blog is for me but the other part is because I really want everyone to know the God that I am learning about.  I want them to know Him the way that I am getting to know Him.  It's amazing and beautiful.  I say that's worth all the sacrifice in the world.

intimacy with God

So as you know, I read Song of Solomon last night.  Well, the book just clicked with me today what kind of intimacy that God would like to have with us.  Did you know that God is a very passionate God?  God does not just love us but He Loves us.  Like for real.  Read Song of Solomon.  As I was reading last night, I almost felt like I was reading a book that I needed to close because of how intimate it was.  God does long for us to have that passion and love with someone, but in order to get there, we need to have that passion and love for Him first. 

The book that I'm reading "When God Writes Your Love Story" by Eric and Leslie Ludy, talks about the intimate relationship that God wants to have with you but Song of Solomon really drives it home.  You wonder where we get our passion and intense feelings for others?  Well, let me tell you God has that same passion and intense feelings for me and everyone one of you.  God was the creator of our physical passion as well as the emotional and spiritual passion that we need to have with Him.  Eric and Leslie go on to say that when God is talking about the relationship between a husband and wife (their physical relationship), it is like them experiencing God's love with them.  That is the kind of love that God wants us to desire, is the love that a husband and wife feel when they make love.  It may be a crazy thought but I can totally understand that desire that God and His children need to have with each other.  I cannot wait to experience that love with my future husband but until then this journey with God will be the most amazing thing I will ever experience.

falling in love with God

I want to wake up every day wanting to talk to God.  I want to be in the kind of relationship with Him that I cannot wait to open my heart and mind to Him.  I have a long way to go but after reading song of Solomon again, I'm beginning to understand the intimacy that God desires to have with me.  I remember having glimpses of intimacy that I long to have with Him.  Song of Solomon shows me that you cannot force love to come along.  When it's ready for us and we're ready for it, we will find it.  That makes total sense to me now with what I have been going through the past week.  The only love affair I need to be having right now is one with God that will last forever.  I believe I'm ready to allow God to take that part of my life now.  I want what we had again, desperately.  I pray I do this soon because I need it and I really do want it.

Song of Solomon 1:15 - How beautiful you are, my darling! Oh, how beautiful!  Your eyes are doves!
Song of Solomon 2: 7 - Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.

After reading these two passages, I was relieved knowing this is how my God feels about me.  I am a beautiful person and he wants me to know this.  He wants me to long for him with more breathtaking experiences then I can possibly dream of.  He wants me to experience that longing for love and a relationship with Him.  If I cannot do that then I do not deserve to be with anyone.  Honestly, if I cannot allow God to be the center of my love life and my whole life, then there is no hope for me finding my future husband.  This is where the second verse comes in.  I should not be searching for love in hopes that I find it.  I need to be patient and wait for God to give what He wants to give me on His own timing.  Why should I rush God's timing?  His timing is everything.  His timing is perfect.

listening to God...

It's amazing to me when you sit down with a piece of paper and a pen and just keep your heart and mind open, what you can actually hear God say.  It's amazing when you actually write the words down that He is telling you and then you can see God's words on a page and have a conversation with Him and know exactly was is being said to you.  It gives me tears in my eyes to read what He is saying to just me.  Thank you God for letting me start this journey with You.

a new day...

Today is a new start.  I'm scared to say the least but I know, logically it is going to be just fine.  I have started giving things to God that I know I cannot have anymore but I haven't completely let go because of fear.  I just pray that God teaches me today that the only thing to do is to let go of everything and let Him take over.  I knew that being a Christian was a scary thought and nothing would be easy.  After all He never said it would be easy.  I am know realizing that giving things to God means giving EVERYTHING to God.  Now, I just need to do that. 

I was talking with my roommate last night about how I look at others who have fallen away from God and have chosen a path (at least for the time being) that has nothing to do with Him.  They seem to have an easy life.  They seem to get what they want, i.e. money, relationships, material things, promotions, fun, etc.  I try my hardest to do what I think is right and not get into any trouble and my life is so hard.  In all honesty, I do get jealous of them sometimes.  But, I look to see what they have fulfilled in their lives.  I have a relationship with God that many of those people do not have anymore.  I have a life that I can be thankful for because God blessed me with so many things.  I just have to remember what He has given me instead of what I think I don't have.  It's hard but once again, I know it'll be worth every sacrifice that I have to make in order to be able to do what God has in store for me.  Like Jeremiah 29:11 says, "I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you; plans to give you hope and a future." This is kind of bitter sweet because this seems to be my family's verse.  But, I guess there is a reason for that.