"image" Christian

Lately, the last two weeks for some reason have been difficult for me.  I have been the "image" Christian instead of the Christian that God wants me to be.  My heart was just not there.  I noticed this during the worship nights we have here on campus, that I was just not the same.  After reading the first chapter in Leslie's book, I realized more than not that I really needed to search for God instead of just letting things happen.  I just gave up and didn't care.  But the verse she shared was like, "Yeah, that's totally me right now.  I know this is not right and I need to make a change."  She shared Matthew 15:8.  I thought about whether or not to share the whole verse with you and actually make you look it up to see what it said.  But, I figured I would be nice.  Matthew 15:8 says, "These people draw near to Me with their mouth and honor Me with their lips, but their heart is far from Me."  If this does not say that God looks at our hearts more than what we do or look like, than I don't know what does.  He is more concerned with our hearts and what they are doing instead of what we want others to perceive us to be.  Yeah, I lead worship at church and all the other churchy, Christian stuff that you're supposed to do but what good does that do if my heart doesn't want to be there.  Just the last couple of days, I've really tried to change that but now that I am reading and blogging again I know I am changing that.  Before I could say that I'm trying to change something when I could say that and then when no one is looking, I can just go back to my old ways because no one could say anything otherwise.  But, God still knows.  Duh.  Why I thought I could run from that, I have no idea.  I'm a dork.  But needless to say, do you want to be the "image" Christian or the Christian that God can look at and say, "Well done, my good and faithful servant?"

content with God

As a single person who's desire is to one day get married and have a family and life of my own, I can honestly say that I am okay right now being single.  Not saying that I don't want to be with someone, but at this stage in my life, I'm okay knowing that one day that person that God is preparing for me is out there waiting for me.  Leslie made a huge statement in her book that states, "And until we are content with Him alone, we aren't truly ready for an earthly romance that will stand for the test of time."  Confession, I never thought of it that way before.  She's totally right.  This one felt like a punch in the gut; well, and a light bulb.  If we are not able to make our relationship work with God when we are not in a relationship but with Him, how in the world would we EVER make a relationship here on earth survive anything past the first, "Hello"?  We need to choose to live our lives according to what God wants and we need to choose to have a relationship solely with Him and Him alone.  We need to learn to seek God in everything we do otherwise we are doomed for failure; and not because He wants us to fail but because we CHOOSE to fail.  I mean, you wouldn't jump off of a mountain without knowing that something is going to catch or slow you down (parachute) before you splat all over the side of it, would you?  Why would you want to jump into a relationship without the one thing that will make it last or survive?  Now, that is just crazy nonsense.  Once I started thinking about it this way, I started to realize that I was definitely not ready for a relationship at all.  I need to make sure that I am seeking God and everything else will follow.  I mean, yes, I do need to pull my own weight and still live my life, but seeking Him in all that I do.  I cannot just sit around waiting for God to do His job when I need to do mine.  I must go out and live life for His glory.  If I sit around and just wait for life to happen, I'll be dead before I get anywhere.  Think about the kind of life you would like to lead.  Let's say it does not need to be in a relationship but, i don't know, in your school, career choice, even the things you buy; are you content with God before you start making decisions that could affect the rest of your life?  Can you drop all of that and just be with God?  I'm not saying to go do that.... I'm simply saying if He asked you to, could you?  I'm still working on that.  But, I can tell you I pray that if He does ask me that I will be able to go with Him, no questions asked.

fulfilled and happy

Now for a change of pace (after all I am reading three books, at least for now).  Leslie Ludy wrote a book called "Sacred Singleness" and I'm really excited about it.  To get this post started, I wanted to share a little back story and about my life.  Ever since I can remember, I have wanted a boyfriend, a husband, someone to like, or someone to like me back.  It didn't matter.  I grew up with people who I guess I could call serial daters or boy crazy.  I know some of you are like, "Well, yeah.  I knew some people that were majorly boy crazy."  Ha.  Yeah.  Did you ever hear stories about girls having three or four dates in one day?  Yeah, that's how boy crazy some of my friends were.  Not only that, those who didn't date would jump from boy-to-boy-to-boy because they wanted to someone to like who would like them back.  Now, I am not saying that you cannot like someone who may or may not like you back or you cannot date at all.  However, I was that girl on the outskirts who would watch my friends date around or have so many crushes I lost count.  The one thing these girls did not know was that sometimes I wish I were them.  I wish I had someone to like or someone to like me back.  I wish some guys would like me enough to date me at all (I have had one boyfriend in my life).  Now, I am 24 and most of my childhood friends are engaged, married or now having kids.  I, however, still don't even have a boyfriend. 

Okay now that that back story is over let me continue with the rest of my blog.  I have friends who are happily married with children on the way.  I praise the Lord that they found their spouse and love each other enough to start a family.  I am thankful that they found their person and their family.  I really am.  I also know some of my friends who got married for the wrong reasons and now are going through divorces because they thought as soon as they got married they were going to be fulfilled and happy.  Does that phrase look familiar to you?  Did any of these girls ever think that maybe to be fulfilled and happy that they could seek God and He could fill the void that they are all searching for?  I wish I could hit some of them upside the head with a brick in order for them realize how much He loves them.  We sang a song tonight at Vespers that made me remember how much God truly does love me.  As much as I long for my future husband, and I do, and I write to him constantly, I know that no matter what happens, God loves and longs for me MORE than I long for my future husband.  How amazing is that?  The passion and romance we long for (guys, I know you do too, even if you don't admit it all the time) is right in front of us.  We just have to reach out and grab it.  God has been sitting there all along just waiting for us to realize that He is our passion and romance.  Now, as for me..... I need to be reminded of this.  I lost track of it for a couple of weeks but luckily I know He never left me.  I just ignored Him.  Now, that I am longing for that again..... I know I am fulfilled and happy with Him, always. 

"for your tomorrow, we gave our today"

This phrase echoed so much in my head these last 24 hours that I had to write about them.  John Piper (amazing author by the way, you need to read his books) had a beautiful (gruesome) story about soldiers in Iwo Jima giving their lives not just for their country but also for each other.  One story he gave (I won't go into detail) talked about how a medic was saving the life a fallen solider.  He was working so hard on this solider that the dying soldier knew that his time had come.  He did not have to say anything to the medic, he just placed his hand on the medic as if to say that it was okay to let him go.  This brought tears to my eyes because 1) I'm a visual person and 2) how often do we as Christians give so much of ourselves that we have to be told that it is okay to let it be?  Now, the way I worded this last statement may sound strange but let me elaborate.  I want to be known as that Christian that gave everything her life had to offer for the glory of Jesus Christ.  Do we, as Christians, give everything we have for the glory of our Lord and Savior?  Will we come to the point where Jesus said that we did everything we could and decides to bring us home?  I know of a story of a young girl who did that.  I'm sure that most people remember Columbine High's tragic deaths that occurred that day.  Do you also remember the girl(s) that gave their life for their Savior?  Cassie and Rachel both knew that it was their time to give their life for the cause of Jesus.  They refused to deny who God was and both answered that they believed in God as they had a gun pointed to their heads.  I say that they did everything that they could in this life.  They did more than some Christians will do in this lifetime.  Will you give your today for someone else's tomorrow?

giving to the poor

I know this title may scare some of you away but think about it.  I have been challenged this week through different books I am reading "Don't Waste Your Life," "Sacred Singleness," and "Becoming the Woman God Wants You to Be" to start really thinking about the possessions I have and if they are useful to me or if someone else can use them better.  In the last book, it encourages to take a box around your house or in my case apartment, and go through anything and everything and see what I truly need and what is just there to take up space.  I realized in my little apartment that I have more than I have ever needed, just in my current living space; let alone what I have at home that I don't use 9 months out of the year.  I have been challenged to go through my house and empty out my stuff and just give it away.  I have been selling my dvd's and luckily with that I have been able to pay off some debt.  It has not hurt in the slightest to sell those and so why would it hurt to just give things away that other people need more than me.  I guess I could encourage you as well to look through your items ask the "is this glorifying God?" question or "can i use this to help someone else glorify Him?"  Women, the little things that you could give away like the extra nail polish or jewelry you may wear once a year could actually help those women who are less fortunate be able to do what they need to do in order to serve God better.  Those who are less fortunate may need to look presentable for a job interview and those little things could help them do that.  Just think about it.  I am definitely going to go through my stuff this weekend and seriously think about what I can do to help others become better disciples of God.  What can you give away to do the same?

all-satisfying treasure

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"Jesus is the all-satisfying treasure."  John Piper makes a great point.  Uh, yeah, Jesus is this.  The real wonder for me is how many people truly know this?  Lately, for some reason, I have tried to find my earthly happiness in other things.  The only reason I can answer why this would be is because I am human.  Other than that, I really do not have a good answer for you.  I do not want to make excuses so I am not going to write a list of things I could say to you that would be why I chose to give up Jesus for about two weeks or so.  There is not a good excuse.  The only thing I can truly say is I have seen the happiness that he stills in the people that search for Him.  I have also seen the everyday, monotonous life that people live without searching for Jesus and how unsatisfying it truly is.  The last two weeks I have not been blogging, as I am sure that some of you have noticed.  I have thrown in a few blogs here and there but nothing like I was doing for the last two and half months of blogging.  I can say it was because I was becoming apathetic.  I was not working out, eating right (to a point), blogging, reading my books, or my Bible.  I attended church, sang on the worship team, had Bible studies all within the midst of my not caring or not really searching out God anymore.  Satan got a hold of me and I start making decisions like I used to before I really knew how to look for God and learn about Him.  I allowed Satan to become my thoughts and giving into temptations instead of just passing them by.  I honestly wish I were still where I was when I started this blog but I can tell you I fell away.  Now, I need to regain my ground and try again.  I know I will falter because I am only human and Satan is stronger than me.  However, my pastor did make a great quote that has stuck with me since he said it a few weeks ago.  "If you read your Bible everyday, it is much more likely you will not give into temptation."  He did not say it was definite, he just said is more likely we basically can say no.  However, because I was not seeking God at all, I gave into the temptations that were set before me and now of course I regret it and I am now trying to get back to where I was. 

I say all of this to you because of the title of this blog.  Nothing is more satisfying than Jesus Christ.  Nothing can take His place and nothing ever will.  You can spend all the money in the world, or sleep with as many people as you can, or eat til your heart's content but NOTHING, and I mean NOTHING can EVER take the place that Jesus is supposed to have in your life.  I gave that place to other things and I go to worship like I did when I was actively seeking God and my heart broke for wanting to do anything that God had planned for me and I was willing to give anything for that.  The last couple of weeks I have gone to worship and I have just been singing the songs.  I knew before then that I was out of sorts but I truly knew then that I needed to change back to the person that loved and adored God above all else.  I knew that my heart was not where it should be and so tonight I decided to share this with all my blogging friends that I made a mistake and now I am admitting it in order to make my life right again.  So all in all, Jesus is the all-satisfying treasure, and trust me you want that in your life.

sacrificial choices

There are so many things, especially in my life, that I need to be making my decisions sacrificial choices.  I sometimes, as we all do, have a hard time giving something up of mine that I know I would rather like to keep around.  Well, look at my dvd collection.  It is now diminished quite a bit.  But, I am not grieving over it and I am still alive.  Look at that!  I am still alive.  Now I do not see sacrificial choices as something that we need to give up but more making aware of our decisions and how it affects the glory of God.  Does the decision that you are making glorify God?  Ha.  Wow, I am such a hypocrite.  As I sit here and eat McDonald's.  Okay, I'm done with that.  Not eating that anymore.  I see my eating fast food as it does not glorify God because I know it is not healthy for me.  It destroys my body.  My body is supposed to be a temple for God and if it is not healthy and I cannot do much with it, then I am not glorifying God to my best potential.  So, from here on out (I need to write this down, actually) I need to ask myself if what I am doing glorifies God?  I should have been asking this a long time ago and all the time but I am only human (thank the Lord).  Now, I just need to make myself remember to do this.  Even asking this one question I can purge my life of things I do not need, of food I shouldn't eat, of friends I probably shouldn't have, or even of daily decisions I should make regarding what time I get out of bed.  Seriously, I need to.  But, let me ask you that question.  Are what you are doing in your life right now, big decisions or small, glorifying God to the best of your potential?  Are what you doing allowing God to be the best in your life?  I know I am not and I need to get right on that, like yesterday.  Let's keep each other accountable.  Let's be that person that asks that question everyday.  See how those decisions or even your friends decisions start changing to make the most of God in your life instead of mediocre. 

the joy of forgiving

The joy of forgiving is one that not many people are able to experience in this society.  It is hard, even for those of us who are called to forgive anyway.  But, think about the joy of forgiving for a second.  The idea that you can let something go and NEVER worry about it again.  Now that sounds like something that I would like to sign up for.  Honestly, forgiving people is never easy but when it is done and done right, then our hearts and souls AND the rest of the world will be much better off.  Notice I added "and done right" part.  Many people can say, "Oh yeah, I forgave them a long time ago.  It's all under the rug."  And then when those two people get into a fight and that person brings up the very thing that they supposedly forgave the other one for, then it brings on a whole new light.  For real.  This exact fight has actually happened to me before.  I thought I was doing "the Christian thing" and forgiving a friend of mine, when I was actually suppressing my emotions and then we fought and that very thing was brought up again, when it was supposed to have been forgotten about.  However, I was doing "the Christian thing" instead of allowing God to handle that part of my life and help me forgive someone.  If I allowed Him into the center of my life in that area (or all the time, let's face it) then I would have not been holding a grudge instead of allowing the joy of forgiveness to enter my body.  Once, I allowed God into my life in that area, I have never felt better when I have conversed with this friend.  I forgave them AND I actually am not suppressing anything.  God showed me the joy in being a forgiving person than holding a grudge that only made matters worse.  Imagine your life full of joy even in the midst of so much pain.  Think about those people who are in need of the joy that you possess and then think about how you can give that to them.  The world will be a much better place if we just allowed God to give us the joy of forgiveness.

living a forgiving life

I have recentely discovered that many people think that forgiving is on a situation-by-situation thing.  Forgiving anyone should be a lifestyle.  When I was younger I knew this and was able to even teach my older siblings and my parents about forgiving the way that you are supposed to.  Trust me, I had to fight them tooth and nail about it until they realized that I was right.  Who knew that a little kid could teach you something?  However, as I grew up I lost that along the way.  Just recently I have discovered that forgiving is not just forgiving someone because they have done something wrong but living a life based around forgiving will give you joy and peace but it also shows those around you the kind of God that we serve.  If you lived a life that was full of forgiveness, just imagine the kind of people that would start seeking the light that shines in you?  In other words, what kind of witness are you portraying to others?  What kind of person do they see in you?  Do they see a loving God?  Do they see a forgiving person?  Or do they see a bitter person always on others' heels?  What kind of person do you want people to see?

do we have a forgiving spirit?

I know in the past I was known as the person in my family who forgave no matter what you did and to who.  As I have grown up, it has been extremely difficult to say this.  I am not sure why we lose our childlike faith as we grow up.  For me, I think it's because I know more than I did when I was younger and then all of a sudden it's like I grew up and I knew everything and so I didn't need to have to believe in everything like that all the time.  I just thought there were some things that you really cannot forgive because it is physically and humanly impossible.  However, I know logically this is not true.  I know some Christians believe otherwise.  Some Christians I have talked to have told me that the reason why God is easy to forgive is because He is God and we're not so we don't have to.  HA!!!!!!! That is complete and utter crap.  God calls us to forgive even when it is hard for us to do so.  Not only will it make us feel better but it will show that other person the true love of Christ.  Let me tell you, recently I have had a hard time forgiving those around me who have wronged me because of how much it hurts.  Money issues, family issues, society, you name it.  I seriously sometimes just want to scream because I just want those people to do the right thing for once but once again they fall short of my expectations.  Then, I read this book "Don't Waste Your Life" and I get hit hard upside the head with a giant two ton anvil.

I recently have had someone demand money from me.  I feel like I took money from a loan shark when I say that, but it's true.  At first, I was in complete disarray because this person and I had an agreement that she would wait until I graduated to starty paying her back and that just didn't happen.  It really hurt because not only did she go back on her word but she also attacked my family in the process.  Well, how Christian, you could ask, was that?  Well, I would say not.  But what do I know?  However, my initial reaction was anything but kind.  I have had a hard time with this especially after realizing that not only did I need to forgive her for her actions, I need to thank her.  THANK HER?!  HAHAHAHAHA...... You have got to be kidding me?!  Thank her for stress, strive, anger, bitterness?  No, thank her for doing what God had asked of her.  Then, He can take it from there.  In a way, this is my way of forgiving her actions even though I knew she was in the wrong and I can tell her that but what good will that do?  Instead, I just need to forgive, pay her back (when I can) and move on.  Let God handle the rest.

missing people

You know, dogs may be that, just dogs, but they are a huge part of my family.  We were lucky to have such a wonderful dog for the last 11 years.  She was my best friend when I didn't have one, she was my care-giver when no one was home, she was my blanket when I was too weak to get one.  She was sometimes everything I had.  Today, my mother had to make the unfortunate decision of not letting my precious princess suffer anymore in this cruel world of ours.  It was not an easy decision, I know that.  But now, it feels empty walking into the house without the sad face of a basset hound just waiting to see me walk through that door.  Her little tail wagging as she trips over her ears as she ran towards the door to greet me with a pitiful roll over on her back for me to rub her rubber-like stomach and velvety ears.  That is one thing I am going to miss and I will never forget the comfort she brought to me, though she was ornery sometimes.  I will forever love and miss my best friend, Shiloh.  I love you, baby.  Thank you for being there for me when no one else was. 

unforgiving people

If you read the title you may be thinking I am going to be talking about unforgiving people and how horrible they are and that I don't like them.  Well, have you ever thought that maybe I am an unforgiving person or what about you?  God commands us to forgive even when we don't want to.  In fact, last night at Vespers there was a couple that was interviewed about forgiveness.  I can tell you that they are one of the prime example of what forgiveness is all about.  They had built up a very wealthy business and were able to sell that business for 1.4 million dollars.  Yeah, I say that was pretty successful.  Well, they were doing well for about a year and a half and then the new owner of their business told them that there was no more money.  How could there be no more money after only a year and half?  Well, the couple went through legal issues to try and get the rest of their money.  However, it was not bringing them any closer to comfort or happiness.  So, they looked to God for guidance.  They figured out that God wanted them to forgive the new owners of their debts and not accept another dime from him.  Uh... excuse me?  Okay, I have people who still ask me for money from something that I was not able to pay them back (however, they knew that this was going to happen because before they lent the money to me I told them this) and recently all these people that I owe and not even a fraction of what this poor couple needed to be paid, they refuse to forgive me for not paying them back when they needed the money.  You have to understand that there are numerous things that kept me from being able to give this money to those people.  Family issues is more important to me and I needed to tend to that first.  This sounds like a pity party but it's really not.  It just shows the kind of people that we need to be instead of the kind of people that we loathe.  God does not want unforgiving people working "for" Him because He wants us to be able to love and lead those people to Him.  How can we do this if we are mad at them or hold a grudge over their heads.  You really think this is going to help anything?  Absolutely not.  So instead of being upset with these people that apparently need their money now, I am trying to scrape my pennies and sell my possessions in order to rid me of debt and clouds that are hanging over my head.  This way, I am able to also show those people that they do matter and God loves them.  I know this is a weird way of showing God's love to someone but following through with commitments is actually one of those things that you can show others and it be in a God-loving way.  So, are you one of those unforgiving people or are you one of those people that others can see God's love in by the way you forgive them?

The Love of God Triumphs

Isn't that a beautiful statement?  I loved this when I read it the first time and still do after the sixth.  But, in all truthfulness, isn't it so true?  The love of God triumphs EVERYTHING!!! No matter what struggle you (or I) am going through, or what tragedy happens in the future, or even the amazing news we heard today, God's love triumphs everything.  Sometimes it is very hard to see this when we are in the midst of our storms.  We have questions all the time (much like what we learned in Vespers tonight).  One question we tend to have is Why?  Why would God allow my family to go through what they are going through right now?  Why would God allow a friend of mine who is 22 have Breast Cancer?  Why would people I am close to and who ARE Christians not understand who God can be for them?  Why? 

We may always have questions that need answers to when we are in the midst of something we feel is horrible.  But the coolest part is God's love does triumph even death itself.  If you have not read my previous blogs, I have mentioned a friend of mine who passed away whe she was a freshman in high school.  She loved Jesus with all her heart and thensome.  Her death did not kill what Jesus was for her.  Even in her death she saved people, physically and spiritually.  She saved people, though she was not around.  It was a huge tragedy the way that she died, but God' love conquered all.  It does conquer all and it will when Judgment Day comes.  That is one amazing feeling and a reason why I know I can live for Christ without regret and with loads of risk, because one day my life will not matter except with what Christ has done in my life FOR those around me.

being tested beyond our faith

So, my family is going through a rough time right now.  Nothing, I am sure that they would want me to share with the world.  When the time is right, I will.  But, besides that.  My family is going through a lot of crap right now.  It is very hard to be here, in school, away from them.  I have that personality when something is wrong I not only try to fix it but I have to be there to help do that.  It is hard to be here.  I already said that, oh well.  John Piper's book Don't Waste Your Life, very much focuses on we can better improve our lives for the sake of doing God's will.  I really like that concept.  Well, I have learned to focus my energy on doing God's will for the last few months, though I have strayed in doing so.  This being said, I know part of the reason why my family is going through a rough time is not because we are bad people.  We are good people going through a bad time.  Who doesn't?  But I really believe the reason is to see God shine through it all.  I started learning that this summer when other things were going on with my sister and her life.  However, I realized tonight that I failed to allow that to carry over into other aspects of my life.  Finances, car issues, finances, friendships, even something like giving my time and keeping commitments.  But, I logically know that God never allows us to go through anything that we cannot handle.  He allows us to go through things that are tough but He does want us to lean on Him during those times because we all know we cannot do it alone.  It is just not possible. 

I know God is taking care of my family.  He has allowed me to be able to have school paid for without my parents' help so they can start to worry about other things that have been put on the back burner because of me.  I know He has given my older brother and sister-in-law a fruitful life with a brand new daughter and an income that keeps them comfortable.  But, if you look at the paths in order to get to these places, it was far from easy.  My brother nearly quit school because of the stress of figuring out how to pay for it.  They lived on cereal for 3 months because they could not afford anything else.  What is to show for it?  They attend a beautiful church with a church family that has been more than supportive, more like a second family without us there.  They have a beautiful daughter that my sister-in-law has been waiting for for 8 years.  They have a faith stronger than ever because of the fruits of the testing they were put through.  They leaned on God through it all.  I have never had an easy school life.  I almost was taken out of school because my grades were so bad that I could not get them up AND finances wouldn't cover a semester like that again.  Once I started leaning on letting God take care of it (even after I started packing some of my things), God put someone in my life to help me pay for school so I could stay and graduate.  I am still in school but I have had the fruits of the hardship that my family and I were put through in order to see what God was doing for me.  Now, I just have to wait and allow Him to take care of my family, once again.  But, the one thing I have learned is that God does not give us an overabundance of things so we can live without struggle, but He gave us just enough to allow us to live and survive, even if it is from paycheck to paycheck.  He gives us what we have to survive and live for Him.  If He always gave us what we wanted when we asked for it then would we really see who He truly was? 

persecuted Christians

How many times have you been persecuted because you bear the name of Jesus Christ?  I can tell you the earliest memory I have of being made fun of because I was a Christian was in Junior High.  My class was waiting on the gym teacher to give us instructions on what we were doing that day.  In fact, I believe it was 7th grade.  I carried my Bible a lot with me that year.  Anyway, I remember reading Acts in gym while we were waiting in our neat rows and this kid (I won't use his name) started ratting on me to his friends.  He would talk loud enough to where I could hear him but the teacher and any adult near us were just out of reach.  "She is such a Bible Thumper.  All she does is read her Bible like she is better than us.  What does she do, worship that Bible?  Hey, Lindsay, your a big fat Bible Thumper!"  I felt alone.  I felt embarrassed because NO ONE stood up for me.  All my "friends" that were surrounding me just sat there.  Honestly, I don't blame them.  Junior High is bad enough, I would not want to be associated with someone that was being called names.  However, looking back on it now, I would not want to be called anything else.  I knew so many people, girls in particular, even in Junior High were known as the girls that was with a different guy every week and doing things with that guy that my friends in the high school had never hear of.  There were rumors going around about people doing things or being with people they shouldn't be and doing things with those people. 

I should have been a pround Junior Higher that not only was I NOT associated with that crowd but that is what people knew about me.  I read my Bible.  I was able to use that as a sword and a weapon against anyone who may have had problems with me reading my Bible.  I was known as the girl that read the Bible but I also bore the name of Jesus Christ.  I should have been proud of that.  Back then, I was not.  Any Junior Higher wants to fit in with their peers.  That was just not going to happen with me.  I wish I would have reacted differently than I did.  I remember is was less than holy.  In 1 Peter 4:12-14 it says, "Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to rest you, as though something strange were happening to you.  But rejoice insofar as you share Christ's sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed.  If you are insulted for the name of Christ, you are blessed, because the Spirit of glory and of God rests upon you."  How many Christians do you know are closet Christians?  Are they able to speak out for God's sake instead of sulking in the corner when someone says something negative about God?  Are you one of those people?

is security safe or harmful?

Most people think security is something that keeps them safe and out of harm's way.  I mean, I think that is what security means to me.  It's comfortable and warming to know that security is on my side.  I mean, I always go home to my family for safety and security.  It feels right.  But, what about allowing your security to be a crutch?  There are too many times when something feels uncomfortable to us that does not allow us to take the leap of faith that God is taking care of us.  For crying out loud, my aunt and uncle were missionaries in Turkey for 34 years.  HA.  I could never imagine putting myself in a situation like that.  My cousins now worry about their kids in the schools over there on whether or not the school is going to be bombed.  My uncle was thrown in prison for his missions work so many times that he lost count.  Could I do that?  Could I be like Paul and allow myself to be in a situation where security was not an option but far from it?  Paul knew when he went into different countries to teach that he was going to be thrown in prison.  He just didn't know who was going to do it or when or how long he had before they did.  I mean, that is dedication but ultimately that is faith at its best.  I have had a tugging on my heart to not be a teacher.  HA.  I have been in school for 5 years, working on my 6th to NOT teach?  For real?  But, on the upside, I have had that tugging on my heart to use my education background to go teach kids in the mission field.  As I sit here and write this, I feel peace on my heart that this is what my life has been about.  I have been put through this schooling process to teach kids..... but not in a school.  Oh, now I'm excited!!!  I of course have no idea where this is going to lead me but I know it's somewhere good if God is leading it.  But, is it going to be safe?  Is it going to be secure?  Maybe not.  But, with God leading it I know I am in the security of His hands and I know everything will be okay.  So how secure are you?  Are you able to live your life the way God wants you to or are you too afraid to let Him? 

risk

First off, I'm sorry I have not written in forever.  I have no excuse.  I just didn't.  Now, I remember why I need to.  For my spiritual life to succeed, I need to be in God's word.  HA.  Yeah, I know.  Big revelation, right?  However, I didn't realize how these blogs helped me do that until this week.  So, back to blogging five times a day if I have things to talk about.  So here goes:

Okay, so loving God is risky, right?  It is risky all the time.  You cannot tell me those who have ended up in jail (my uncle) because they have loved Christ is not risky.  However, loving Christ is what we should be doing.  So in a way, you could say living life is risky.  Are we not supposed to live our lives for Christ?  Living for Christ is loving Christ and loving Christ is risky.  So living life = risky.  But, if you look at the other side of the spectrum, living without Christ is also risky.  However, this kind of risk is not the brightest idea ever.  Would you jump out of an airplane without a parachute?  Didn't think so.  So, why would we live our lives without Christ in it?  I have found this past week that my living without Christ brings me great discomfort, pain, disappointment, anger, pride, resentment, bitterness, bad decision making (which we can all relate to), and a loveless life.  Why in the world would I ever want any of this surrounding me?  Why in the world would I choose to live that life instead of one where Love surrounds you all the time and living for Christ brings the greatest joy anyone can ever feel?  I have chosen to put things in my way of living for Christ.  Not just materialistic things, but sleep.  Sounds dumb I know.  I thought I had a revelation last week about doing stuff for God all the time because I cannot understand why I wouldn't in the first place.  However, understanding and doing are two completely different things.  I understood what I needed to do, so what did I do?  I ignored them.  The worst decision I could make.  I have never been happier these last few months than I have ever been in my whole life.  But, this last week has been a spiritual battle.  I just was not listening to what I needed to be listening to.  Now, it's time to change that.  I don't mean just saying it but I really mean doing it.  It's time to take a risk.