Lately, the last two weeks for some reason have been difficult for me. I have been the "image" Christian instead of the Christian that God wants me to be. My heart was just not there. I noticed this during the worship nights we have here on campus, that I was just not the same. After reading the first chapter in Leslie's book, I realized more than not that I really needed to search for God instead of just letting things happen. I just gave up and didn't care. But the verse she shared was like, "Yeah, that's totally me right now. I know this is not right and I need to make a change." She shared Matthew 15:8. I thought about whether or not to share the whole verse with you and actually make you look it up to see what it said. But, I figured I would be nice. Matthew 15:8 says, "These people draw near to Me with their mouth and honor Me with their lips, but their heart is far from Me." If this does not say that God looks at our hearts more than what we do or look like, than I don't know what does. He is more concerned with our hearts and what they are doing instead of what we want others to perceive us to be. Yeah, I lead worship at church and all the other churchy, Christian stuff that you're supposed to do but what good does that do if my heart doesn't want to be there. Just the last couple of days, I've really tried to change that but now that I am reading and blogging again I know I am changing that. Before I could say that I'm trying to change something when I could say that and then when no one is looking, I can just go back to my old ways because no one could say anything otherwise. But, God still knows. Duh. Why I thought I could run from that, I have no idea. I'm a dork. But needless to say, do you want to be the "image" Christian or the Christian that God can look at and say, "Well done, my good and faithful servant?"
2 comments:
I was wondering about you, when you sold all your stuff and then later posted you had some dvds come in the mail you wanted. God doesn't need those sacrifices anymore. You being in the light of God and working so hard to be good for him, is enough! Here is something I always try to remember. God is very quiet and calm. He never rushes or makes rash decisions. The devil is that voice in the FRONT of your head saying "do it, do it now, oh no what if this or that happens? " it's more like a fast buzz in your head. God's voice is the very calm,even spoken voice in the BACK of your head. Hard to hear Him sometimes over all the racket, but if you stop and push that "buzzy voice" aside (sorry, it will never go away), you hear the magnificent voice in the back of your mind. It sounds more like "yes, I am here". That beautiful voice in the back will never tell you what to do, only ask. Concentrate sometime and listen to what goes on in head. NO! You are not crazy.
Thank you Anonymous. I am still selling my stuff to keep myself accountable so that way until I am strong enough to be able to handle having "stuff," then I need to not have it at all. I did have a few dvd's come in the mail and one of those was definitely something that actually God spoke to me with. So, I figured I could have it. I did pray and think about it first. However, I wanted to thank you for your comment, it means a lot.
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