dating

(DISCLAIMER: This is a long blog! but totally worth the information)

For those of you who are single, I have some more good information for you!  I was listening to Mark Driscoll last night and part of his "Religion Saves" series.  I decided to focus on dating since so many of my friends are going through this process right now.  It was a good sermon.  I recommend it.  Anyway, Mark not only focuses on the whole dating process but shares with both men and women how to prepare yourself for a marriage with your future spouse.  So, I am going to share my notes with you on what I have learned yesterday and I hope that it helps you all out there who have questions about the kind of person that you should be looking for and how to prepare yourself for them.  Here goes:

Let's start out with single men, since I obviously know more about single women... so I can go more into detail with them.

If you're a single man there are numerous questions that you could be asking yourself about either your relationship with Christ or what you are looking for in your future spouse.

There are many single men out there that are trying to figure out why they cannot find a good Christian girl.  Well, first of all have you looked around you lately?  There could be a great single gal that you are overlooking because either you don't see her that way or you just never thought about it.  It's really okay to just see where things go.  If they're not interested, just move on.  Really, not every girl that you ask out or pursue is going to be with you.  You are only supposed to be with one woman anyway, right?  So, really it's okay! 

Now, outside of the available women around you, ask yourself questions about you.  Much like, will you honor her and God as if Jesus were physically present?  Many men (Christian and non Christian) take advantage of alone time.  So here is a foreshadowing.... don't be alone with those women in a secluded space.  You will honor them by showing respect and honor yourself by showing self-control.  It works.  Trust me, girls actually want a respectable guy. 

And because of this, you also want to ask if she's modest.  If she is not modest and she flaunts herself to the WHOLE room, then that is not a girl for you.  Honestly, she may nice to look at but she is also easy to every other guy.  You don't want a girl that wants everyone else to look at her.  You want a girl that wants YOU to look at her.  Though most girls this day in age have a hard time giving up their independence, it does call for them to be submissive to their husbands, Biblically.  BUT, this does not mean "Woman do what I say!"  You must also respect her, cherish her and honor her.  You are a partnership, not a dictatorship. 

Can you provide for her?  If you have a job that only pays the bills and the necessities in life, you definitely don't want a woman that is high maintenance and has to live in a castle with butlers.  Seriously!  You want to be able to be with someone who you can provide for and live comfortably. 

Does she have character?  Not only does she have a good personality.  I mean you want to be attracted to her.  But, does she have the character of Christ or does she have a character like Proverbs says to not be a nagging wife.  You don't want one of those.  So look to see if she has the characteristics of Christ.

Now on to the single gals!

There are numerous girls that I have recently spoken to who have a hard time "being submissive" to their husbands.  I am learning what this means and most of today's culture does not understand this.  The scripture, the majority of the time, is taken way out of context.  She is supposed to be submissive to her husband but they are a UNIT; they are ONE.  The man is supposed to leave his family to join in UNION with his wife.  This does not say, a man is supposed to RULE over her and tell her what to do.  It also does not say, that a woman is supposed to be a DOOR MAT.  Never!  This is NOT what scriptures tells us.  We were made to be helpers of our husbands and together we are BOTH supposed to serve each other.

Now that I have this cleared out of the way... there are some questions you can ask yourself and of your potential husbands as well.

Do you want to help him?  How about in his ministry?  As a husband/wife team, you can be very powerful in the spreading of the Gospel.  You want to be able to do what God calls you to do and support your husband in ministry.  This does not mean that you cannot have your own part in ministry.  There are many wives of ministers or clergy, that serve in the church and help the single gals, or children's ministry, or worship ministry.... or really what you are called to do.  Just as you support him in his ministry, he should be supporting you as well.

Is he tough enough to remain during the hardships?  If you are with a guy and he flees when you have a disagreement or let's say that he gets you pregnant (which I pray DOES NOT happen), is he going to stick by your side or is he going to be a coward and hide under a rock?  You don't want your future spouse to be missing when you need to work out a problem together; you'll be on your own.  You want a strong, spiritual leader for your family.

Do you feel safe with him?  If he is commanding, pushing you around, abusive.... then he's definitely not a man and needs to be out of that relationship.  Only cowards treat their families (girlfriends) that way.  If he were a goo Christian man, then he would respect, honor, and cherish you even through difficult times.  If you feel unsafe with him EVER then you need to rethink that relationship.

Will he be a good daddy?  One way to see if this is true, is to step back and watch him with kids.  You don't always have to wait to be married to the guy to see where his values with kids lie.  You can observe him outside of a relationship.  Obviously, if he looks like he's annoyed with kids, he needs to probably grow up before starting a relationship.  If he seems to love them around and gets along great with them, then there could be major potential there.

Is he a one-woman man?  Is he dating around when you are with him?  Or if you are not with him but you see he's dating more than one girl... then he's not a keeper.  What makes you think that when he's with you that he's not going to be seeing other girls?  You don't want that kind of relationship where trust is never earned before the relationship even starts.  So to remove the heartache, just don't get involved in the first place.

How much of a treasure are you to him? Make him earn it.  Too many girls give themselves away WAY TOO fast.  As soon as they start talking to a guy, they give all the juicy details before your name is even remembered.  SLOW DOWN!! Girls are emotional beings... that's how God created us.  Now, we need to make the guys earn us.  Does he show you off to his friends?  Or does he hide you in the bushes when they come his direction?  Does he go out and find a job to help pay his bills?  Or does he sit in his mother's basement and sleep all day to wait to hang with the guys at night?  It's pretty simple to tell whether or not he's ready for a commitment.

Do you want your sons to be like him?  I want my children AND my future husband to be like my dad.  Honestly, I do.  This is what you want for your family.  You want your sons to have a great role model for them to grow up and be good, solid, God-fearing men.  Just as you want your daughters to know what a good, solid, God-fearing man looks like.  If he's not this, then your future will look pretty grim.

This is basically what I learned and I hope that this helps a lot for those of you who have questions about dating and what to do or what not to do when you have relationship potential with someone.  When that time comes around for me.  I can guarantee you, that I will be looking this blog up!