"If it's not for sale, take it down!!"

In some of my past blogs, I have talked about this very thing.  I'm sure you've guessed it by now.  Mark Driscoll's series "The Peasant Princess" is such a great series for both men and women.  I encourage you to read, watch, listen to it.  It provides so much insight into how a godly marriage should be that it's ridiculous.  I've taken four pages of notes on just that series. 

Anyway, this quote did not come from him but in his last sermon on the above series, he is reading out of Song of Songs.  I am not sure of the passage...... I will look it up and get back to you, but he reads out of this book and near the end "My Beloved" (it never mentions her name) talks about how she grew up being a wall and not a door.  She was building up the wall in her life to avoid men who were not godly and ones who wanted her for her body.  She refused to be with those men and she wanted what God wanted for her.  She was not the typical "Hollywood" beauty but she still refused the men around her until the perfect one came along.  The door, as I am sure that you can imagine, is that person that opens up to anyone who asks or knocks.  Anytime someone gives them the attention, they give them the go ahead to do whatever they please.  Too many women, and men, these days give themselves away too early in life.  Sometimes, it's not their fault, it could be because they were abused or raped.  These are extreme cases but they happen too often.  However, those who are freely giving themselves away to those around them are seriously seeking the wrong counsel.  God is the only one the can fill that void. 

I may not have been in sexual relations with anyone but I can honestly say.... this is the first time publicly that I will announce this.... that I have been in sexual sin.  I know that part was already mentioned before... but pornography was (and sometimes) my sexual sin.  I allowed images to flood my mind and crowd my thoughts.  God was desperately reaching out for me and I was resisting Him.  I was putting up the sign in my heart that I was available for anyone to come and take.  I may not have physically acted that way WITH anyone but I did in my heart, my mind and my soul.  I refused God.  I can honestly say now that I have been seeking Him with all my heart, my desires to watch things I shouldn't or listen to things I shouldn't have gone away.  There are times when I'm tempted but I consciously make that decision that I will not let it affect me and I turn to read about the one who truly has my heart.  I took that sign down!  I encourage those who have been in sexual sin or are currently in sexual sin, that you allow God to capture your heart.  Allow Him to be the center and give Him everything you have.  We are ALL tempted.  Being tempted is not a sin.  You must realize this.  It's what you do with that temptation that determines whether or not you sin.  Remember that the Devil tempted Jesus ALL THE TIME.... but Jesus refused EVERY TIME!!! Take your sign down and hand it over to God.   I'll pray that your heart yearns to repent to Him.  Pray for me as well that I continue to stay strong.  I really do love those who I am able to reach with this.  I just pray that you give God your all and never look back.

becoming the right woman

In the last blog, I mentioned how you (and I) need to be searching after God's own heart in order to be that person that God wants us to be for our future spouses.  I cannot emphasize this enough.  Honestly.  I am learning, slowly, but I am learning to be the kind of person that God desires me to be in Him.  I am becoming the right woman.  In "Your Knight in Shining Armor" by P.B.Wilson, she talks about if we are not changed on the inside according to the ways of God.... you could be staring into the eyes of your future spouse and not even know it because your heart is not in the right place.  THIS SCARES ME!!! You mean, I could have already met my future spouse, but because I my heart was not right with God, I didn't know it?!  This very well could be true.  That does not mean that we will never be with that person, it just means that we're not ready.  But, think about it.  Why would you want to wait to get closer to God?  In general, yeah, having the bonus of marrying our future spouse is going to be phenomenal.  God intends it to be.  But, without God being the center of our lives or our marriage, where do you really think that relationship is going to go?  You could lose your spouse later in life.  Or you could even lose your future spouse before you ever get the chance of living that dream we always think about.  If any of this happens (not saying it will, but I'm positive I am not the only one who has known this to happen), what do you have left?  If you have not been seeking God, then where are you going to turn?  If you have been seeking God, then He can carry you through that time.  HE IS ALWAYS THERE!!!!!! Your future spouse may not always be there.  There will be a time when you are no longer together.  In order for you to know and be able to go through this life as the "right woman" then seek after GOD.  God is the only thing that is constant and becoming the right woman will always start with Him.

a man after God's own heart

Okay, this may sound strange, but this goes for men too.... as in "a woman after God's own heart".  One thing I have discovered is that when you set your sights on someone who tries to please God with everything that they are and then somewhere (it will happen because they're human) down the road, they disappoint God with their actions, words, or lack thereof, their heart breaks.  This is a person that you should never let go of.  This person will be a great partner for the rest of your life because not only will they follow the path that God has set out for them, they will challenge you to do the same.  And who is better than two people who love each other that love God?  The more that those two seek after what God wants for them, then they will draw closer to one another.  That is an amazing concept.  I mean logically, I knew this to be true.... but when I heard the demonstration of the triangle effect with a husband and a wife and God being the center of their relationship, it made total sense to me.  I mean, I knew this analogy but after reading about the kind of love that God wants me to have, I totally get it!  Well, you can imagine that God is at the top of the triangle.  The husband is one of the other corners of the triangle and the wife is in the last corner of the triangle.  When both of these people seek to be closer to God and want more of their life to be the way that God wants it to be then naturally they start drawing closer to each other.  I LOVE THIS CONCEPT!!! I may be single right now, but I am falling in love with God more by the minute and I cannot stop reading about Him.  Because of this, I know that if I have the desire to get married but I patiently wait for my future husband in the meantime love God more.... I know that I will draw closer to my husband too.  I have to remember that this is NOT the reason to draw closer to God.  I am drawing closer to God because I want to know God.  My future marriage is just a massive bonus!  So, seek after someone who does not want to disappoint God.  And if you want that, be that person that seeks after God to not disappoint Him.  You will be amazed at what you learn and find out.  I know I am learning a lot and I cannot wait to share with you what I learn in the future.

unrealistic expectations

My whole life I've been asked, "What kind of guy are you looking for?"  I always thought about it and gave my selfish point of view of what kind of man that I always wanted.  The typical immature female answer is the perfect guy, who basically is prince charming with no flaws or imperfections and does everything I ask him to do with no complaining or questions asked.  Well, I have to say that was my really young point of view on what I wanted for my future husband.  As I have been discovering who God is and who I am in God... I have discovered a few things across different materials that I am reading and viewing.  Because I am single, I really have no right to decide what standards my future husband should have.  I mean, I know that I am not perfect and why should I expect him to be that way?  God should be what sets my standards.  If my heart wants what God wants, then God will give me someone that I never would have chosen for myself and that makes everything better.  "God gives His best to those who leave the choice to Him."  This quote is SOOO true.  There are so many times in my life (not romantically) where God provided for me or my family in a way that we never thought possible.  We prayed and left our lives up to Him and He gave us what we needed and then some.  He is always faithful.  So from here on out, I am praying that my mind and my heart change with the kind of guy that "I" want to who is the man that God has for me?  I have been listening to Mark Driscoll's series on "The Peasant Princess" and he had many questions relayed to him about what a single person's standard of beauty should be.  Mark's response was that a single's standard of beauty for their spouse should be that of what God wants for that person.  We, singles, should not have a standard of beauty because then we are letting the world decide what that is.  When we let God take over our minds and hearts then what reflects in our everyday lives will then reflect who God is.  When we do this, we see people in a different light and the "standard of beauty" that the world may have could be all washed away because now you are looking through the eyes of the one who created you.  Your standard of beauty is now what God wants for you instead of what you or others want for you.  I cannot wait for that day when God reveals to me who my future spouse is because after that, I know that my standard for my future spouse will have exceeded my expectations (because I didn't have any in the first place, other than God is taking care of it).  That will be a gorgeous day!

"Your Knight in Shining Armor"

I just got finished with this book called "Your Knight in Shining Armor" by P.B. Wilson.  It's a great book.  It's mainly directed towards single females but I've come to the conclusion that even single men can read these books because it not only describes the types of relationship you should have with your spouse but also the relationship that you should be having with Jesus.  It may seem a little girly but trust me, you will get things out of it that you never thought you could. 

Anyway, I've been reading this book and so I've been taking lots of notes.  So the next, who knows how many blogs, will be on this book, in case you are wondering.  This book is obviously for a single woman (or man) trying to find their knight in shining armor.  However, many single women that I have talked to (and are frustrated that they don't have their knight in shining armor yet) have yet to discover that they already have one.  Yes, this book talks about how you should be getting ready for your future spouse but it also asks that the person reading the book take 6 months out of their lives just to dedicate it to Jesus.  I find this an amazing feet with the way that the single women of this society constantly think about their future spouse.  Why not think about Jesus as much as you think about who your future spouse is?  You should actually be thinking of him more than your future spouse.  Your future spouse should be second on your list.  To those of you who do not have a significant other yet, then you should be constantly focusing on how to make your relationship better in Christ.  I know these last few days, all I have been doing is reading.  I seriously cannot get enough right now of what God is teaching me about myself, my future spouse, and especially Him. 

One thing in this book that I really liked was the first analogy that P.B. uses.  Because I do not have a potential suitor right now, my earthly love life is under construction as well as my spiritual life.  My spiritual life is being constructed by the one who made me.  I am enjoying being built everyday to become the person that He wants me to be in Him.  Anyway, the analogy that she uses is "have you ever taken a look through a peephole at a construction site? The old building has been demolished and a billboard illustrates how the new building will look.  Meanwhile, there is a big hole in the ground where the new foundation is being laid.  If you have the occasion to pass the site daily, you will notice that progress continues to take place even though you may not have clue about what the construction crews are doing.  Before long, the building will be ready for its intended purpose."  I love this analogy because as Christians this is our whole lives.  We are constantly being constructed for God, if you are actively seeking Him.  Some people fall by the wayside but once they come back on the path, that construction, you realize, has never stopped.  God constructs us to be amazing people for Him.  As a person who is not involved with anyone right now, I can honestly and earnestly say that God is the center of my life.... at least this week.  I will stumble and fall but I know that He is right there to pick me back up and walk with Him again.  He is my Knight in Shining Armor!!

chicken vs. abstinence

I was watching like 5 minutes of Oprah today and the part that I was watching made perfect sense with saving yourself for marriage.  Okay a little background:

Oprah had a chef on her show cooking with a full chicken.  The chef said that you are supposed to tie the legs together of the chicken.  Not because this is a "fancy" way of cooking chicken but because it cooks the meat thoroughly.  If the legs are not tied together then there are parts of the chicken that are not ready to eat when the rest of the chicken could overcook because those parts of the chicken are not ready to eat.

This is the same with saving yourself for marriage.  You stay abstinent for your marriage and you will be able to give your complete self to your spouse.  If you don't save yourself there are parts of you that may never be ready to marry and give yourself to your spouse.  I'm not saying that you will never be able to but it will take longer to get ready to be ready for your future spouse. 

Now I know this seems a little far fetched in ways but honestly if you think about it.... it's so true.  If you refuse to follow the path that God has for you and you won't prepare yourself for your future spouse then you could possibly be emotionally and spiritually scarred forever.  God has such a big plan for all of you who are single or not married yet.  Save this part of yourself because just imagine the kind of life you could save yourself from if you do not give in to the worldly pressures but give in to the hand of God.  I know it's hard.... I'm still going through hearing the "it's okay" or "no one else has to know" voices in my head.  But the harder I push those away the easier it is for God to intervene and care for His children.  So let Him care for you and give in to Him and not the world.  You won't regret it.  I know I never will.

Thanking God this Season

This past Sunday, my college choir sang for a ministry that stuffs boxes for those who are less fortunate in their community.  I have to say when I heard about this I was thinking, "Oh this is going to be fun.  A small ministry that helps serve those around their area."  I was thinking that this ministry was something small.  HAHAHAHA... I was SOOOO wrong.  We showed up and there was a really long line of over 600 volunteers ready to get in and help stuff 4000 BOXES!!!!!  There were news crews there and newspaper reporters were there taking pictures of this big occasion.  I have to say that it was one of the most amazing experiences that I have ever been a part of.  This ministry has been going strong for 12 years and over half of the volunteers had been there for the first time.  Our choir was asked to sing one of our songs from our tour program and then we were going to start the National Anthem for everyone to sing.  Well, little did I know before we started any of that, the pastor of the church we were going to sing at the evening was there to pray for the event.  Then, the even was opened by one of the local high schools singing an amazing song I wish I knew the name of.  I was getting teary-eyed.  Then we sang our song.  I was totally fine with this until we started the National Anthem.  The leader of this event told us and everyone to grab the hand of someone next to us.  We created one of the biggest circles I have ever seen.  We stared the National Anthem and then I started crying.  I realized that I was not going to be able to sing the song so I just took everything in and listened to 600+ people sing the National Anthem in a tiny warehouse.  My heart was overwhelmed with love and God's presence.  I cannot even begin to explain how that tiny warehouse has changed my heart.  I have never felt a call to ministry more than I did on Sunday.  When I tell people about that tiny warehouse, I get teary-eyed and overwhelmed with God's presence.  So this holiday season, just remember why you are here and be thankful that God has blessed you with the life that you have.  There are those out there that are less fortunate than you and who have to pray that someone notices them in the midst of all the chaos in order to give them one meal.  This ministry does that for those people.  I am forever thankful that God showed me something that I don't see everyday.  Those less fortunate than myself and how many ways I can show them who God is just by giving a little of my time.  I am so thankful for this opportunity.  God Bless you and all your blessings this season.

selfish joy

This is a real picture of our universe.... awesome isn't it?

Selfish joy is actually pretty easy to find.  Here's a small test.   Ask yourself if you need to have your needs met before those around you?  If you said yes, then you have selfish joy.  Selfish joy can only be described as something that only makes you happy and if others are happy around you because of that "something" then that's just a bonus but for the most part it doesn't matter if they're happy or not.  John Piper describes so many beautiful things in his last chapter and then he asks, "How could I stand before a setting sun, between the mountain range and the vastness of the sea, and think that everlasting joy should come from making much of me?"  Just look around you at the creation that God has given us to enjoy.  Look at how beautiful those things are that He crafted into perfect beauty that only He can manifest.  How can we sit back and let those people around us not enjoy as much as we do, the wonderful universe that God made?  We need to spread this joy and love to those who have yet to experience it.  May it be in your home, work, mission, friendships, doesn't matter.  We need to let the light of Christ shine through us so we are not harboring the selfish joy but we are freely giving the gift of joy.  Imagine all those people who have never heard of Christ?  Imagine yourself, if you had never heard of Christ?  What would life be like if you did not know who Christ was?  How devastating is that?  So release that selfish joy and GIVE the joy to those around you and across the world.  This is a commandment of God's is to "Go and make disciples of all nations."  He called us to do this.  Now the real question is are sitting stagnant with your selfish joy or are you "making disciples of all nations?"

acknowledgement

Acknowledgement is something that we all would like to have for our efforts, is it not?  I know I love to be acknowledged when I do something that I think is worthwhile.  I know, at least right now, that I overdo it a lot.  But is that the real reason why we should do what we do?  For the acknowledgement of someone else?  I know it can be frustrating if you are the person in charge and someone else gets the recognition for your hard work.  But think about it.... does their opinion really matter overall?  Are they the ones that are really going to reward you eternally?  Jesus was a servant to His people and He was a servant to His disciples.  He served them because He loved them.  He did not serve them because He knew He was going to get something out of it.  I mean, seriously, if anything He got the raw end of the deal when He died for those people around Him..... and for you...... and me.  What kind of fulfillment are we going to get out of our jobs or friendships or life when we have conditions that go with them?  I can tell you right now you will be disappointed ALL THE TIME!!!!  I know there are parts of me that want acknowledgement when I do something good.  But, I need to remember that my acknowledgement and appreciation comes from the one who made me.  Instead, I should think of everything else I do as a ministry to those around me and yes, say thank you when I am recognized for my efforts, but don't expect it.  It will disappoint you and make you angry.  Instead just thank God that you had the opportunity to do something so great to show those around you that you care for them, even if they don't realize it.  "Forgive them Father, for they know not what they do."  Right?  In essence, this is forgiving their overlooking by loving them even more.  They will eventually see your efforts and thank you but look to heaven because your everlasting treasure is waiting for you.

an easy life... HA

Okay, those of you know that being a Christian is totally not the easiest thing in the world.  And what's even funnier, I have heard so many people say that they thought it would be because they were choosing the right path.  When did it ever say that being a Christian was easy?  And when did the world ever say doing the right thing was also easy?  NEVER!!!! That's the point.  We, as Christians, are put through so much.... I'm just going to say it, crap.  I mean truly.  Why would we choose to be persecuted all the time for something that we feel so strongly about?  Then again you could say this about anyone.  However, why is it that we choose to live this life?  If I could, in writing I would make you think about it for like five minutes and then ask questions (that's the teacher part of me coming out), but I can't so I am just going to answer my view.  I believe that we choose this life because why would we want to do anything else?  We live life for the glory of God and spreading His word to bring people back to Him.  This is the best way to live life.  I could not imagine living my life without God.  Actually, I was watching a documentary the other day called "The Case For Christ" or something to that effect.  The author of the book with the same name, was an atheist who was a journalist who was trying to prove people wrong about believing in Christ.  Well, he noticed within two years of his research and writing down pros and cons to both Christianity and Atheism that it would take more faith for him to believe in his Atheism than his new found belief in Christ.  Now, God does not say that life is going to be easy; it's actually going to be very rough but He does say that we will be fulfilled even when we have nothing but Him because we seek Him and we want more of Him.  Our lives will be fulfilled without anything?  Sure will.  Now, don't go sell all of your things and live homeless for a while, though I do know people who have done that, but I challenge you to start analyzing what you are doing in your life to worship God.  Is your life too easy or is your life one that when you open your eyes, Satan trembles?  Your choice.

"Be Still and Know I Am God"

Being still is one of the hardest things in this world to ever do.  I mean seriously!!!  Think about all the things you have to do today and then think about what you're probably not going to get done at all.  Yeah, your brain is probably running so fast, you're blowing smoke out of your ears.  Okay, now stop thinking of those things because you're only going to get stressed out about it.  Just take a minute or two and just allow God to talk to you, regardless of where you are at.  Seriously!  It helps so much to take time and sit and just listen.  You may have the urge to pour your heart out to Him and ask Him every question in the book, but have you ever noticed that most of the time when we do this, we never listen for an answer?  I know I do this all the time.  I ask God for help in certain areas in my life and then I tell Him about all the bad people I am upset with and for Him to take care of it.  Then I start asking for things like where my life is headed and then I'm done.  I had to take a deep breath right after that in order to write this sentence.  How many of you (and me) actually just sit and listen to what God has to say?  Don't run a to-do list in your brain, or what requests you have in your head, or even the fact that you may not even sit down to talk to Him at all..... just listen.  Be still.  Take a Bible, a notebook and pencil with you, ALONE, and be still, even if it is for 3 minutes of your day.  At least you are starting somewhere.  Just put your pencil down in your notebook and don't write.  Just sit.  Then write whatever comes into your head.  If it is some "unknown" talking to you.  Write it down.  I have done this numerous times and I don't know what I am writing but when I go back and look at it.... I see that God has finally spoken to me.  Finally?!  You say.  Yeah, I actually listened this time.  Even if you are unable to do that, just sit and listen to the wind and the silence and just let God speak to your heart.  This will relieve the stress in your life and your relationship with God will grow ever stronger because.... SURPRISE.... It's a two-way street instead of your pummeling Him with words.  Do this and if you like, get back to me and tell how your experience was.... if you don't want to, just thank God that you were able to do so.  It will start changing your relationship for the better.  And because of this, it will change your life.

God opens doors

Believe it or not, God does give us opportunities that allow us to serve Him every day of our lives.  Now whether or not we have open ears and are listening is a whole other story.  God grants us gives and desires and opportunities when we ask for those opportunities and our hearts are in the right place with Him.  They may not be exactly the way that we were hoping for them but they are so much better.  I have had many questions lately that are based around why God does not give us answers when we ask for them.  Well, I can assure you that He does, it just may not be the answer we were hoping for.  Sometimes God is like our dad and He may so no.  But, He does have things lined up for us that are much better off than what we were thinking.  If you open your heart and SEEK WITH your heart, God will be able to answer those questions in a way that may have been an answer we were looking for.  Now, He may not give us an abundance of what we are asking.  Like for instance, I have had many financial situations in my life where I would ask God to provide a way for me to pay for certain things or whatever and maybe even a little more knowing that I just wanted some to keep myself protected.  But, He will only give what I need.  God provides what you need in the time that you need it.  So pray for God to open doors for you and just wait and see what's on the other side.  It's going to be amazing.

stretching our spiritual muscles

So, for all of you who don't know.... I took a pretty big tumble the other day.  Scraped my knee up pretty bad (as in I probably should have gone to the ER but I'm too chicken, unless I have my mommy or daddy with me).  Anyway, I woke up today feeling less than under the weather.  I could hardly move.  It was like walking like a newborn deer.  I couldn't bend my knee... still can't.  My whole left side feels like it was run over my a truck.  Meaning, I basically pulled as many muscles as I could to catch myself falling when I did.  But, I now see it as a blessing.  A small lesson of faith as you will.  I was talking to my sister today and I told her this.  I also told her that there were a few songs on the radio that I heard on my way to class that I really like about God's healing hands and how I probably need that right now.  Her immediate response was, "That's so much like when we fall spiritually that we need to use all of the spiritual muscles we didn't know we had in order to catch us when we fall."  THIS IS SO TRUE!!! Our spiritual muscles are stretched further than we thought possible when we do fall spiritually, much like when we try to catch ourselves when we fall or tip over ourselves.  I had never thought of this before.  I just looked at it as my knee hurt and I need to make it feel better.  But, what about letting God handle that department.  Yeah, I may have a bruised spirit and sporadic pain but I need to let God handle that part of my life.  We may be stretched to the max when we spiritually fall and we often question why God would put us through situations that we feel like we cannot handle anymore and so we are so close to giving up.  It is a very strenuous feeling, like pulling our muscles or stretching them as far as they can go.  However, I do not believe that God allows situations to happen that we are not prepared for.   If anything, most of the situations that we go through are preparing us either for another great struggle or even our ministry that we didn't know that we were going to be called into until God knew we were ready.  It's amazing what little things you can learn in your everyday life that can directly correlate to your spiritual life. 

Everything just fell into place.  With this whole discussion with my sister to reading about Mary Beth Chapman and her family's struggles with losing Maria.  That family still has a strong faith even through such tragedy.  Not saying they did not have questions about their situation and why it happened but that they trusted God to use it for something better.  They were stretched to their max and God is showing them a bigger purpose for their lives and showing them that Maria is now saving more people than anyone thought possible.  So when your spiritual muscles are being stretched just know that there will be a greater purpose and plan for that pain and something amazing will come out of your heartache.  God has a plan that we cannot see but that He is preparing us for.

no strings attached

When you have surrendered something in the past, who was it about?  Think about it honestly.  Did you buy or give up something for the benefit of yourself or someone else?  Let me give you an example.  Those clothes that have been sitting around in your closet for five years (I have them too, it's okay), did you think about donating those to a shelter where those people do not have clothes because you knew that it would keep them warm or show them who God really was?  Or did you give them those clothes so you can make room to buy more?  Writing that out right now, I never thought about it.  I guess I need to go through my stuff and truly think about why I would be getting rid of it.  Sure it would make my place a lot neater and the clutter would be gone, but would I replace those empty spaces with something else I don't need or could I live without things for a while in order to benefit those around me?  It's amazing when we "surrender" something and then we start to think why we do it, how often it really is about us. 

Leslie mentions that when we give something up or surrender something then we should NEVER expect anything back.  I know of people (once again, I'm guilty of this) who have surrendered their job or certain areas of their life expecting God to return the rewards in a matter of days.  We are a "right now" society and so if something is not returned to us in our timing, we think that God is either not listening, not giving to us, or He doesn't care.  All of these are not true.  I am giving up my life of being with someone for the sake of being able to serve God better until He tells me otherwise.  This is something huge for me but if I go and "give up" marriage and expect for my earthly prince charming to walk through my front door and sweep me off my fee tomorrow, I'm sadly mistaken.  It will happen when God wants it to happen.  Another thing that Leslie states is that the majority of the time, God does answer the desires of our hearts when we choose to follow Him without anything in return.  If we EXPECT things to happen, we are just disappointed because we do not know what is best for us.  God knows what we need and if it is to be single the rest of my life or to not have that multimillion dollar deal, then so be it.  It was not meant for me.  Instead, I would rather have that love only meant for Him with no expectations.  In other words, God wants us to have unconditional love.  GASP!!  He does?!  Of course, He wants us to be able to love Him and those around us the way that He loves us.  It's never easy but it's so worth the surrender and lack of expectations.  Are you able to love unconditionally or do you have some strings you need to cut?

a God-centered relationship

So, I know I may not be in an earthly romantic relationship but I sure know some things about them.  After all, ALL of my friends come to me for advice about them.  What?  Yeah, I know.  But, what can I say, they like me.  I know some are reading this now so they must REALLY like me.  Anyway, Leslie was sharing some stories about relationships that are solely focused on God.  As a Christian, this is something that I strive for.  I long for a relationship with someone but I know God is in control and so I am focusing my relationship status on Him.  I will continue to do this, I pray, when/if I eventually find my certain someone.  But, she was sharing these stories about different people that she knows who have had their relationships (all worked out) who focused all their time and energy on what God has planned for their relationship.  Many times the couple had to wait YEARS before they knew for a fact that God wanted them to be together.  They each said that they had feelings for one another and a few times they each said that they were in love with one another.  However, they stayed friends because they were not sure if this is what God wanted for them. 

Leslie made the comment "No matter how strong their feelings were, they would not rush ahead of God."  I love this quote because in this society it is so rare to find someone who is pure and searching after God's own heart.  I have had conversations with friends who are either no longer pure for their future spouse or would rather have their future spouse impure because of them being as impure as they were hoping they would never be.  This is sad.  I pray that those people can become spiritually pure again for the sake of their relationship with God.  "No matter how our selfish, fleshy side feels about it, laying everything on the altar before our King, and allowing Him to do with our lives whatever He sees fit, is where true Christianity begins."  This quote also is very powerful because once again, I see lots of Christians today, including myself, who tend to see Christianity as "okay, I accepted Christ into my life, now I need to be Christ-like and do everything I'm supposed to do."  I thought this way for years until I discovered that being a Christian is so much more.  So if you are in a relationship or if you're single like yours truly, then refocus your life and take a step back.  Are you in a God-centered relationship or a self-centered relationship?  I know earlier last week it was about me; now, I'm praying constantly that I make it about Him.  Are you doing the same regardless of what the world OR your feelings are telling you? 

He gives all. He asks all.

This title explains everything.  I could end it here, but I won't.  As I am sure that you have read my last couple of blogs, have been realizing I'm human and I make mistakes.  I know, it's a surprise to me too.  So, needless to say that I have had a hard time giving things up to God.  I mean, I thought I had.  I know my heart is the right place because I really want to give everything I have to him regardless of what others may think.  Even Christians around me think I am insane.  But, that's alright.  I am but moving on to other things you may not know.  I know I have been content with giving my love life over to God even if that means a life of singleness.  Well, I have been content knowing I NEEDED to do that.  Ha.  I had for a little while and then I took that pen back.  Well, I can say I am now giving it back to Him. 

Christ gave His all for us.  He died on the cross so you and I could end up in eternity with Him.  That is one amazing sacrifice.  However, because He gave all to us, shouldn't we give all to Him?  Leslie makes this simple statement that I wrote in the title, but it really does explain just about everything.  We not only NEED to give everything to God but we HAVE to in order for us to have a fulfilling life that allows us to lead a life solely for Him.  There will be times when we want to take back what we gave Him, I mean I sure did and it won't be the last time.  If I expected anything different I would be kidding myself.  But, the most I can do is try and try and try again.  However, back to my love life.  I took the pen back and the way I discovered that I did this, was I was back to thinking about every guy that walked in the room that I could be interested in just by looking at him.  I mean, there have been a few people I have met recently that I was thinking, "Oh, yeah, I could end up with him."  Instead, of just allowing God to control my thoughts, I just let them run away with me.  So, in order for me to allow God to take the pen back I need to give all because He asks me to.  Not saying it'll be easy in the slightest but I know it's worth it.  How about you?  Can you give your all to Him?

working an everyday life

I have never really been much of a worker.  I'm not saying that I don't work but I really just don't want to; at least, not unless I have my heart involved.  You know, I really believe missions is where I am supposed to be now that I have been in school for six years for the same major.  Oh well, life pans out differently then you expect.  However, John Piper has a chapter dedicated to working an everyday, normal, monotonous job.  I have one as I am sure most of America does.  I have had horrible jobs and I actually love my current job (though I am not there very much because of school commitments), but I always wondered how you work a job that is mundane with non-Christians who are pessimistic all the time (not like I have one of those right now).  But John made it clearer to me when he explained 1 Thessalonians 4:11-12 about working with our hands so we don't have to depend on anyone.  But he went further into explaining that God made us to upkeep his planet for his glory.  He made us to work to shape His world for His glory instead of creating a world where we work for ours.  It is a rough illustration I know.  But I am praying that you get the point.  In the other book I am reading "Becoming the Woman God Wants Me to Be" it talks about not working for money but having our money work for us.  If we are able to make our money work for us, think about the amazing things that we could do for God. 

John talks about our work becoming more like God.  Showing people how to work the way that God wants us to work is actually a witness that some people forget about.  Growing up I always thought as being a witness meant going out and sharing the Gospel with those who did not know Him.  Well, this is true but it can also be done with the way that we treat others.  Once I started my journey with giving God everything, people started noticing a change in me.  Not just my non-Christian friends, but even my Christian friends.  I know this seems backwards but if my Christian friends are noticing a difference without knowing why and THEY want to ask about it, then of course you can bet that the non Christian friends are probably wondering the same thing.  You can do this in your monotonous job.  Use it as a witness to show those around you who God is.  Work because God gave you the ability to do so.  In my case, because I don't have a career job or a full time job for that matter; my work obviously consists of that job but also school and even everyday living for me is work.  I was thinking about this when John mentioned how after Adam and Eve broke their promise to God about not eating from the tree of life, that God told Adam that in order for him to eat he has to eat off the land but he also has to work to eat off the land.  He said that Adam would endure sweat and labor in order to provide food for him and his family.  I started chuckling a little bit because I was thinking about how much I hated making my dinner every night.  All I could think was, "Thanks Adam and Eve."  Just because I don't want to make dinner tomorrow night.  But, looking at what I have learned through these books, I need to think of it as a blessing that I get to work diligently and sweat over my labor because then I get to enjoy the food that I initially "slaved" over.  How are you going to portray to people who God is at work?  Is work for you an actual job or just going through life doing the normal routine?  Are you able to work with a joyful, unconditional heart? 

"image" Christian

Lately, the last two weeks for some reason have been difficult for me.  I have been the "image" Christian instead of the Christian that God wants me to be.  My heart was just not there.  I noticed this during the worship nights we have here on campus, that I was just not the same.  After reading the first chapter in Leslie's book, I realized more than not that I really needed to search for God instead of just letting things happen.  I just gave up and didn't care.  But the verse she shared was like, "Yeah, that's totally me right now.  I know this is not right and I need to make a change."  She shared Matthew 15:8.  I thought about whether or not to share the whole verse with you and actually make you look it up to see what it said.  But, I figured I would be nice.  Matthew 15:8 says, "These people draw near to Me with their mouth and honor Me with their lips, but their heart is far from Me."  If this does not say that God looks at our hearts more than what we do or look like, than I don't know what does.  He is more concerned with our hearts and what they are doing instead of what we want others to perceive us to be.  Yeah, I lead worship at church and all the other churchy, Christian stuff that you're supposed to do but what good does that do if my heart doesn't want to be there.  Just the last couple of days, I've really tried to change that but now that I am reading and blogging again I know I am changing that.  Before I could say that I'm trying to change something when I could say that and then when no one is looking, I can just go back to my old ways because no one could say anything otherwise.  But, God still knows.  Duh.  Why I thought I could run from that, I have no idea.  I'm a dork.  But needless to say, do you want to be the "image" Christian or the Christian that God can look at and say, "Well done, my good and faithful servant?"

content with God

As a single person who's desire is to one day get married and have a family and life of my own, I can honestly say that I am okay right now being single.  Not saying that I don't want to be with someone, but at this stage in my life, I'm okay knowing that one day that person that God is preparing for me is out there waiting for me.  Leslie made a huge statement in her book that states, "And until we are content with Him alone, we aren't truly ready for an earthly romance that will stand for the test of time."  Confession, I never thought of it that way before.  She's totally right.  This one felt like a punch in the gut; well, and a light bulb.  If we are not able to make our relationship work with God when we are not in a relationship but with Him, how in the world would we EVER make a relationship here on earth survive anything past the first, "Hello"?  We need to choose to live our lives according to what God wants and we need to choose to have a relationship solely with Him and Him alone.  We need to learn to seek God in everything we do otherwise we are doomed for failure; and not because He wants us to fail but because we CHOOSE to fail.  I mean, you wouldn't jump off of a mountain without knowing that something is going to catch or slow you down (parachute) before you splat all over the side of it, would you?  Why would you want to jump into a relationship without the one thing that will make it last or survive?  Now, that is just crazy nonsense.  Once I started thinking about it this way, I started to realize that I was definitely not ready for a relationship at all.  I need to make sure that I am seeking God and everything else will follow.  I mean, yes, I do need to pull my own weight and still live my life, but seeking Him in all that I do.  I cannot just sit around waiting for God to do His job when I need to do mine.  I must go out and live life for His glory.  If I sit around and just wait for life to happen, I'll be dead before I get anywhere.  Think about the kind of life you would like to lead.  Let's say it does not need to be in a relationship but, i don't know, in your school, career choice, even the things you buy; are you content with God before you start making decisions that could affect the rest of your life?  Can you drop all of that and just be with God?  I'm not saying to go do that.... I'm simply saying if He asked you to, could you?  I'm still working on that.  But, I can tell you I pray that if He does ask me that I will be able to go with Him, no questions asked.

fulfilled and happy

Now for a change of pace (after all I am reading three books, at least for now).  Leslie Ludy wrote a book called "Sacred Singleness" and I'm really excited about it.  To get this post started, I wanted to share a little back story and about my life.  Ever since I can remember, I have wanted a boyfriend, a husband, someone to like, or someone to like me back.  It didn't matter.  I grew up with people who I guess I could call serial daters or boy crazy.  I know some of you are like, "Well, yeah.  I knew some people that were majorly boy crazy."  Ha.  Yeah.  Did you ever hear stories about girls having three or four dates in one day?  Yeah, that's how boy crazy some of my friends were.  Not only that, those who didn't date would jump from boy-to-boy-to-boy because they wanted to someone to like who would like them back.  Now, I am not saying that you cannot like someone who may or may not like you back or you cannot date at all.  However, I was that girl on the outskirts who would watch my friends date around or have so many crushes I lost count.  The one thing these girls did not know was that sometimes I wish I were them.  I wish I had someone to like or someone to like me back.  I wish some guys would like me enough to date me at all (I have had one boyfriend in my life).  Now, I am 24 and most of my childhood friends are engaged, married or now having kids.  I, however, still don't even have a boyfriend. 

Okay now that that back story is over let me continue with the rest of my blog.  I have friends who are happily married with children on the way.  I praise the Lord that they found their spouse and love each other enough to start a family.  I am thankful that they found their person and their family.  I really am.  I also know some of my friends who got married for the wrong reasons and now are going through divorces because they thought as soon as they got married they were going to be fulfilled and happy.  Does that phrase look familiar to you?  Did any of these girls ever think that maybe to be fulfilled and happy that they could seek God and He could fill the void that they are all searching for?  I wish I could hit some of them upside the head with a brick in order for them realize how much He loves them.  We sang a song tonight at Vespers that made me remember how much God truly does love me.  As much as I long for my future husband, and I do, and I write to him constantly, I know that no matter what happens, God loves and longs for me MORE than I long for my future husband.  How amazing is that?  The passion and romance we long for (guys, I know you do too, even if you don't admit it all the time) is right in front of us.  We just have to reach out and grab it.  God has been sitting there all along just waiting for us to realize that He is our passion and romance.  Now, as for me..... I need to be reminded of this.  I lost track of it for a couple of weeks but luckily I know He never left me.  I just ignored Him.  Now, that I am longing for that again..... I know I am fulfilled and happy with Him, always. 

"for your tomorrow, we gave our today"

This phrase echoed so much in my head these last 24 hours that I had to write about them.  John Piper (amazing author by the way, you need to read his books) had a beautiful (gruesome) story about soldiers in Iwo Jima giving their lives not just for their country but also for each other.  One story he gave (I won't go into detail) talked about how a medic was saving the life a fallen solider.  He was working so hard on this solider that the dying soldier knew that his time had come.  He did not have to say anything to the medic, he just placed his hand on the medic as if to say that it was okay to let him go.  This brought tears to my eyes because 1) I'm a visual person and 2) how often do we as Christians give so much of ourselves that we have to be told that it is okay to let it be?  Now, the way I worded this last statement may sound strange but let me elaborate.  I want to be known as that Christian that gave everything her life had to offer for the glory of Jesus Christ.  Do we, as Christians, give everything we have for the glory of our Lord and Savior?  Will we come to the point where Jesus said that we did everything we could and decides to bring us home?  I know of a story of a young girl who did that.  I'm sure that most people remember Columbine High's tragic deaths that occurred that day.  Do you also remember the girl(s) that gave their life for their Savior?  Cassie and Rachel both knew that it was their time to give their life for the cause of Jesus.  They refused to deny who God was and both answered that they believed in God as they had a gun pointed to their heads.  I say that they did everything that they could in this life.  They did more than some Christians will do in this lifetime.  Will you give your today for someone else's tomorrow?

giving to the poor

I know this title may scare some of you away but think about it.  I have been challenged this week through different books I am reading "Don't Waste Your Life," "Sacred Singleness," and "Becoming the Woman God Wants You to Be" to start really thinking about the possessions I have and if they are useful to me or if someone else can use them better.  In the last book, it encourages to take a box around your house or in my case apartment, and go through anything and everything and see what I truly need and what is just there to take up space.  I realized in my little apartment that I have more than I have ever needed, just in my current living space; let alone what I have at home that I don't use 9 months out of the year.  I have been challenged to go through my house and empty out my stuff and just give it away.  I have been selling my dvd's and luckily with that I have been able to pay off some debt.  It has not hurt in the slightest to sell those and so why would it hurt to just give things away that other people need more than me.  I guess I could encourage you as well to look through your items ask the "is this glorifying God?" question or "can i use this to help someone else glorify Him?"  Women, the little things that you could give away like the extra nail polish or jewelry you may wear once a year could actually help those women who are less fortunate be able to do what they need to do in order to serve God better.  Those who are less fortunate may need to look presentable for a job interview and those little things could help them do that.  Just think about it.  I am definitely going to go through my stuff this weekend and seriously think about what I can do to help others become better disciples of God.  What can you give away to do the same?

all-satisfying treasure

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"Jesus is the all-satisfying treasure."  John Piper makes a great point.  Uh, yeah, Jesus is this.  The real wonder for me is how many people truly know this?  Lately, for some reason, I have tried to find my earthly happiness in other things.  The only reason I can answer why this would be is because I am human.  Other than that, I really do not have a good answer for you.  I do not want to make excuses so I am not going to write a list of things I could say to you that would be why I chose to give up Jesus for about two weeks or so.  There is not a good excuse.  The only thing I can truly say is I have seen the happiness that he stills in the people that search for Him.  I have also seen the everyday, monotonous life that people live without searching for Jesus and how unsatisfying it truly is.  The last two weeks I have not been blogging, as I am sure that some of you have noticed.  I have thrown in a few blogs here and there but nothing like I was doing for the last two and half months of blogging.  I can say it was because I was becoming apathetic.  I was not working out, eating right (to a point), blogging, reading my books, or my Bible.  I attended church, sang on the worship team, had Bible studies all within the midst of my not caring or not really searching out God anymore.  Satan got a hold of me and I start making decisions like I used to before I really knew how to look for God and learn about Him.  I allowed Satan to become my thoughts and giving into temptations instead of just passing them by.  I honestly wish I were still where I was when I started this blog but I can tell you I fell away.  Now, I need to regain my ground and try again.  I know I will falter because I am only human and Satan is stronger than me.  However, my pastor did make a great quote that has stuck with me since he said it a few weeks ago.  "If you read your Bible everyday, it is much more likely you will not give into temptation."  He did not say it was definite, he just said is more likely we basically can say no.  However, because I was not seeking God at all, I gave into the temptations that were set before me and now of course I regret it and I am now trying to get back to where I was. 

I say all of this to you because of the title of this blog.  Nothing is more satisfying than Jesus Christ.  Nothing can take His place and nothing ever will.  You can spend all the money in the world, or sleep with as many people as you can, or eat til your heart's content but NOTHING, and I mean NOTHING can EVER take the place that Jesus is supposed to have in your life.  I gave that place to other things and I go to worship like I did when I was actively seeking God and my heart broke for wanting to do anything that God had planned for me and I was willing to give anything for that.  The last couple of weeks I have gone to worship and I have just been singing the songs.  I knew before then that I was out of sorts but I truly knew then that I needed to change back to the person that loved and adored God above all else.  I knew that my heart was not where it should be and so tonight I decided to share this with all my blogging friends that I made a mistake and now I am admitting it in order to make my life right again.  So all in all, Jesus is the all-satisfying treasure, and trust me you want that in your life.

sacrificial choices

There are so many things, especially in my life, that I need to be making my decisions sacrificial choices.  I sometimes, as we all do, have a hard time giving something up of mine that I know I would rather like to keep around.  Well, look at my dvd collection.  It is now diminished quite a bit.  But, I am not grieving over it and I am still alive.  Look at that!  I am still alive.  Now I do not see sacrificial choices as something that we need to give up but more making aware of our decisions and how it affects the glory of God.  Does the decision that you are making glorify God?  Ha.  Wow, I am such a hypocrite.  As I sit here and eat McDonald's.  Okay, I'm done with that.  Not eating that anymore.  I see my eating fast food as it does not glorify God because I know it is not healthy for me.  It destroys my body.  My body is supposed to be a temple for God and if it is not healthy and I cannot do much with it, then I am not glorifying God to my best potential.  So, from here on out (I need to write this down, actually) I need to ask myself if what I am doing glorifies God?  I should have been asking this a long time ago and all the time but I am only human (thank the Lord).  Now, I just need to make myself remember to do this.  Even asking this one question I can purge my life of things I do not need, of food I shouldn't eat, of friends I probably shouldn't have, or even of daily decisions I should make regarding what time I get out of bed.  Seriously, I need to.  But, let me ask you that question.  Are what you are doing in your life right now, big decisions or small, glorifying God to the best of your potential?  Are what you doing allowing God to be the best in your life?  I know I am not and I need to get right on that, like yesterday.  Let's keep each other accountable.  Let's be that person that asks that question everyday.  See how those decisions or even your friends decisions start changing to make the most of God in your life instead of mediocre. 

the joy of forgiving

The joy of forgiving is one that not many people are able to experience in this society.  It is hard, even for those of us who are called to forgive anyway.  But, think about the joy of forgiving for a second.  The idea that you can let something go and NEVER worry about it again.  Now that sounds like something that I would like to sign up for.  Honestly, forgiving people is never easy but when it is done and done right, then our hearts and souls AND the rest of the world will be much better off.  Notice I added "and done right" part.  Many people can say, "Oh yeah, I forgave them a long time ago.  It's all under the rug."  And then when those two people get into a fight and that person brings up the very thing that they supposedly forgave the other one for, then it brings on a whole new light.  For real.  This exact fight has actually happened to me before.  I thought I was doing "the Christian thing" and forgiving a friend of mine, when I was actually suppressing my emotions and then we fought and that very thing was brought up again, when it was supposed to have been forgotten about.  However, I was doing "the Christian thing" instead of allowing God to handle that part of my life and help me forgive someone.  If I allowed Him into the center of my life in that area (or all the time, let's face it) then I would have not been holding a grudge instead of allowing the joy of forgiveness to enter my body.  Once, I allowed God into my life in that area, I have never felt better when I have conversed with this friend.  I forgave them AND I actually am not suppressing anything.  God showed me the joy in being a forgiving person than holding a grudge that only made matters worse.  Imagine your life full of joy even in the midst of so much pain.  Think about those people who are in need of the joy that you possess and then think about how you can give that to them.  The world will be a much better place if we just allowed God to give us the joy of forgiveness.

living a forgiving life

I have recentely discovered that many people think that forgiving is on a situation-by-situation thing.  Forgiving anyone should be a lifestyle.  When I was younger I knew this and was able to even teach my older siblings and my parents about forgiving the way that you are supposed to.  Trust me, I had to fight them tooth and nail about it until they realized that I was right.  Who knew that a little kid could teach you something?  However, as I grew up I lost that along the way.  Just recently I have discovered that forgiving is not just forgiving someone because they have done something wrong but living a life based around forgiving will give you joy and peace but it also shows those around you the kind of God that we serve.  If you lived a life that was full of forgiveness, just imagine the kind of people that would start seeking the light that shines in you?  In other words, what kind of witness are you portraying to others?  What kind of person do they see in you?  Do they see a loving God?  Do they see a forgiving person?  Or do they see a bitter person always on others' heels?  What kind of person do you want people to see?

do we have a forgiving spirit?

I know in the past I was known as the person in my family who forgave no matter what you did and to who.  As I have grown up, it has been extremely difficult to say this.  I am not sure why we lose our childlike faith as we grow up.  For me, I think it's because I know more than I did when I was younger and then all of a sudden it's like I grew up and I knew everything and so I didn't need to have to believe in everything like that all the time.  I just thought there were some things that you really cannot forgive because it is physically and humanly impossible.  However, I know logically this is not true.  I know some Christians believe otherwise.  Some Christians I have talked to have told me that the reason why God is easy to forgive is because He is God and we're not so we don't have to.  HA!!!!!!! That is complete and utter crap.  God calls us to forgive even when it is hard for us to do so.  Not only will it make us feel better but it will show that other person the true love of Christ.  Let me tell you, recently I have had a hard time forgiving those around me who have wronged me because of how much it hurts.  Money issues, family issues, society, you name it.  I seriously sometimes just want to scream because I just want those people to do the right thing for once but once again they fall short of my expectations.  Then, I read this book "Don't Waste Your Life" and I get hit hard upside the head with a giant two ton anvil.

I recently have had someone demand money from me.  I feel like I took money from a loan shark when I say that, but it's true.  At first, I was in complete disarray because this person and I had an agreement that she would wait until I graduated to starty paying her back and that just didn't happen.  It really hurt because not only did she go back on her word but she also attacked my family in the process.  Well, how Christian, you could ask, was that?  Well, I would say not.  But what do I know?  However, my initial reaction was anything but kind.  I have had a hard time with this especially after realizing that not only did I need to forgive her for her actions, I need to thank her.  THANK HER?!  HAHAHAHAHA...... You have got to be kidding me?!  Thank her for stress, strive, anger, bitterness?  No, thank her for doing what God had asked of her.  Then, He can take it from there.  In a way, this is my way of forgiving her actions even though I knew she was in the wrong and I can tell her that but what good will that do?  Instead, I just need to forgive, pay her back (when I can) and move on.  Let God handle the rest.

missing people

You know, dogs may be that, just dogs, but they are a huge part of my family.  We were lucky to have such a wonderful dog for the last 11 years.  She was my best friend when I didn't have one, she was my care-giver when no one was home, she was my blanket when I was too weak to get one.  She was sometimes everything I had.  Today, my mother had to make the unfortunate decision of not letting my precious princess suffer anymore in this cruel world of ours.  It was not an easy decision, I know that.  But now, it feels empty walking into the house without the sad face of a basset hound just waiting to see me walk through that door.  Her little tail wagging as she trips over her ears as she ran towards the door to greet me with a pitiful roll over on her back for me to rub her rubber-like stomach and velvety ears.  That is one thing I am going to miss and I will never forget the comfort she brought to me, though she was ornery sometimes.  I will forever love and miss my best friend, Shiloh.  I love you, baby.  Thank you for being there for me when no one else was. 

unforgiving people

If you read the title you may be thinking I am going to be talking about unforgiving people and how horrible they are and that I don't like them.  Well, have you ever thought that maybe I am an unforgiving person or what about you?  God commands us to forgive even when we don't want to.  In fact, last night at Vespers there was a couple that was interviewed about forgiveness.  I can tell you that they are one of the prime example of what forgiveness is all about.  They had built up a very wealthy business and were able to sell that business for 1.4 million dollars.  Yeah, I say that was pretty successful.  Well, they were doing well for about a year and a half and then the new owner of their business told them that there was no more money.  How could there be no more money after only a year and half?  Well, the couple went through legal issues to try and get the rest of their money.  However, it was not bringing them any closer to comfort or happiness.  So, they looked to God for guidance.  They figured out that God wanted them to forgive the new owners of their debts and not accept another dime from him.  Uh... excuse me?  Okay, I have people who still ask me for money from something that I was not able to pay them back (however, they knew that this was going to happen because before they lent the money to me I told them this) and recently all these people that I owe and not even a fraction of what this poor couple needed to be paid, they refuse to forgive me for not paying them back when they needed the money.  You have to understand that there are numerous things that kept me from being able to give this money to those people.  Family issues is more important to me and I needed to tend to that first.  This sounds like a pity party but it's really not.  It just shows the kind of people that we need to be instead of the kind of people that we loathe.  God does not want unforgiving people working "for" Him because He wants us to be able to love and lead those people to Him.  How can we do this if we are mad at them or hold a grudge over their heads.  You really think this is going to help anything?  Absolutely not.  So instead of being upset with these people that apparently need their money now, I am trying to scrape my pennies and sell my possessions in order to rid me of debt and clouds that are hanging over my head.  This way, I am able to also show those people that they do matter and God loves them.  I know this is a weird way of showing God's love to someone but following through with commitments is actually one of those things that you can show others and it be in a God-loving way.  So, are you one of those unforgiving people or are you one of those people that others can see God's love in by the way you forgive them?

The Love of God Triumphs

Isn't that a beautiful statement?  I loved this when I read it the first time and still do after the sixth.  But, in all truthfulness, isn't it so true?  The love of God triumphs EVERYTHING!!! No matter what struggle you (or I) am going through, or what tragedy happens in the future, or even the amazing news we heard today, God's love triumphs everything.  Sometimes it is very hard to see this when we are in the midst of our storms.  We have questions all the time (much like what we learned in Vespers tonight).  One question we tend to have is Why?  Why would God allow my family to go through what they are going through right now?  Why would God allow a friend of mine who is 22 have Breast Cancer?  Why would people I am close to and who ARE Christians not understand who God can be for them?  Why? 

We may always have questions that need answers to when we are in the midst of something we feel is horrible.  But the coolest part is God's love does triumph even death itself.  If you have not read my previous blogs, I have mentioned a friend of mine who passed away whe she was a freshman in high school.  She loved Jesus with all her heart and thensome.  Her death did not kill what Jesus was for her.  Even in her death she saved people, physically and spiritually.  She saved people, though she was not around.  It was a huge tragedy the way that she died, but God' love conquered all.  It does conquer all and it will when Judgment Day comes.  That is one amazing feeling and a reason why I know I can live for Christ without regret and with loads of risk, because one day my life will not matter except with what Christ has done in my life FOR those around me.

being tested beyond our faith

So, my family is going through a rough time right now.  Nothing, I am sure that they would want me to share with the world.  When the time is right, I will.  But, besides that.  My family is going through a lot of crap right now.  It is very hard to be here, in school, away from them.  I have that personality when something is wrong I not only try to fix it but I have to be there to help do that.  It is hard to be here.  I already said that, oh well.  John Piper's book Don't Waste Your Life, very much focuses on we can better improve our lives for the sake of doing God's will.  I really like that concept.  Well, I have learned to focus my energy on doing God's will for the last few months, though I have strayed in doing so.  This being said, I know part of the reason why my family is going through a rough time is not because we are bad people.  We are good people going through a bad time.  Who doesn't?  But I really believe the reason is to see God shine through it all.  I started learning that this summer when other things were going on with my sister and her life.  However, I realized tonight that I failed to allow that to carry over into other aspects of my life.  Finances, car issues, finances, friendships, even something like giving my time and keeping commitments.  But, I logically know that God never allows us to go through anything that we cannot handle.  He allows us to go through things that are tough but He does want us to lean on Him during those times because we all know we cannot do it alone.  It is just not possible. 

I know God is taking care of my family.  He has allowed me to be able to have school paid for without my parents' help so they can start to worry about other things that have been put on the back burner because of me.  I know He has given my older brother and sister-in-law a fruitful life with a brand new daughter and an income that keeps them comfortable.  But, if you look at the paths in order to get to these places, it was far from easy.  My brother nearly quit school because of the stress of figuring out how to pay for it.  They lived on cereal for 3 months because they could not afford anything else.  What is to show for it?  They attend a beautiful church with a church family that has been more than supportive, more like a second family without us there.  They have a beautiful daughter that my sister-in-law has been waiting for for 8 years.  They have a faith stronger than ever because of the fruits of the testing they were put through.  They leaned on God through it all.  I have never had an easy school life.  I almost was taken out of school because my grades were so bad that I could not get them up AND finances wouldn't cover a semester like that again.  Once I started leaning on letting God take care of it (even after I started packing some of my things), God put someone in my life to help me pay for school so I could stay and graduate.  I am still in school but I have had the fruits of the hardship that my family and I were put through in order to see what God was doing for me.  Now, I just have to wait and allow Him to take care of my family, once again.  But, the one thing I have learned is that God does not give us an overabundance of things so we can live without struggle, but He gave us just enough to allow us to live and survive, even if it is from paycheck to paycheck.  He gives us what we have to survive and live for Him.  If He always gave us what we wanted when we asked for it then would we really see who He truly was? 

persecuted Christians

How many times have you been persecuted because you bear the name of Jesus Christ?  I can tell you the earliest memory I have of being made fun of because I was a Christian was in Junior High.  My class was waiting on the gym teacher to give us instructions on what we were doing that day.  In fact, I believe it was 7th grade.  I carried my Bible a lot with me that year.  Anyway, I remember reading Acts in gym while we were waiting in our neat rows and this kid (I won't use his name) started ratting on me to his friends.  He would talk loud enough to where I could hear him but the teacher and any adult near us were just out of reach.  "She is such a Bible Thumper.  All she does is read her Bible like she is better than us.  What does she do, worship that Bible?  Hey, Lindsay, your a big fat Bible Thumper!"  I felt alone.  I felt embarrassed because NO ONE stood up for me.  All my "friends" that were surrounding me just sat there.  Honestly, I don't blame them.  Junior High is bad enough, I would not want to be associated with someone that was being called names.  However, looking back on it now, I would not want to be called anything else.  I knew so many people, girls in particular, even in Junior High were known as the girls that was with a different guy every week and doing things with that guy that my friends in the high school had never hear of.  There were rumors going around about people doing things or being with people they shouldn't be and doing things with those people. 

I should have been a pround Junior Higher that not only was I NOT associated with that crowd but that is what people knew about me.  I read my Bible.  I was able to use that as a sword and a weapon against anyone who may have had problems with me reading my Bible.  I was known as the girl that read the Bible but I also bore the name of Jesus Christ.  I should have been proud of that.  Back then, I was not.  Any Junior Higher wants to fit in with their peers.  That was just not going to happen with me.  I wish I would have reacted differently than I did.  I remember is was less than holy.  In 1 Peter 4:12-14 it says, "Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to rest you, as though something strange were happening to you.  But rejoice insofar as you share Christ's sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed.  If you are insulted for the name of Christ, you are blessed, because the Spirit of glory and of God rests upon you."  How many Christians do you know are closet Christians?  Are they able to speak out for God's sake instead of sulking in the corner when someone says something negative about God?  Are you one of those people?

is security safe or harmful?

Most people think security is something that keeps them safe and out of harm's way.  I mean, I think that is what security means to me.  It's comfortable and warming to know that security is on my side.  I mean, I always go home to my family for safety and security.  It feels right.  But, what about allowing your security to be a crutch?  There are too many times when something feels uncomfortable to us that does not allow us to take the leap of faith that God is taking care of us.  For crying out loud, my aunt and uncle were missionaries in Turkey for 34 years.  HA.  I could never imagine putting myself in a situation like that.  My cousins now worry about their kids in the schools over there on whether or not the school is going to be bombed.  My uncle was thrown in prison for his missions work so many times that he lost count.  Could I do that?  Could I be like Paul and allow myself to be in a situation where security was not an option but far from it?  Paul knew when he went into different countries to teach that he was going to be thrown in prison.  He just didn't know who was going to do it or when or how long he had before they did.  I mean, that is dedication but ultimately that is faith at its best.  I have had a tugging on my heart to not be a teacher.  HA.  I have been in school for 5 years, working on my 6th to NOT teach?  For real?  But, on the upside, I have had that tugging on my heart to use my education background to go teach kids in the mission field.  As I sit here and write this, I feel peace on my heart that this is what my life has been about.  I have been put through this schooling process to teach kids..... but not in a school.  Oh, now I'm excited!!!  I of course have no idea where this is going to lead me but I know it's somewhere good if God is leading it.  But, is it going to be safe?  Is it going to be secure?  Maybe not.  But, with God leading it I know I am in the security of His hands and I know everything will be okay.  So how secure are you?  Are you able to live your life the way God wants you to or are you too afraid to let Him? 

risk

First off, I'm sorry I have not written in forever.  I have no excuse.  I just didn't.  Now, I remember why I need to.  For my spiritual life to succeed, I need to be in God's word.  HA.  Yeah, I know.  Big revelation, right?  However, I didn't realize how these blogs helped me do that until this week.  So, back to blogging five times a day if I have things to talk about.  So here goes:

Okay, so loving God is risky, right?  It is risky all the time.  You cannot tell me those who have ended up in jail (my uncle) because they have loved Christ is not risky.  However, loving Christ is what we should be doing.  So in a way, you could say living life is risky.  Are we not supposed to live our lives for Christ?  Living for Christ is loving Christ and loving Christ is risky.  So living life = risky.  But, if you look at the other side of the spectrum, living without Christ is also risky.  However, this kind of risk is not the brightest idea ever.  Would you jump out of an airplane without a parachute?  Didn't think so.  So, why would we live our lives without Christ in it?  I have found this past week that my living without Christ brings me great discomfort, pain, disappointment, anger, pride, resentment, bitterness, bad decision making (which we can all relate to), and a loveless life.  Why in the world would I ever want any of this surrounding me?  Why in the world would I choose to live that life instead of one where Love surrounds you all the time and living for Christ brings the greatest joy anyone can ever feel?  I have chosen to put things in my way of living for Christ.  Not just materialistic things, but sleep.  Sounds dumb I know.  I thought I had a revelation last week about doing stuff for God all the time because I cannot understand why I wouldn't in the first place.  However, understanding and doing are two completely different things.  I understood what I needed to do, so what did I do?  I ignored them.  The worst decision I could make.  I have never been happier these last few months than I have ever been in my whole life.  But, this last week has been a spiritual battle.  I just was not listening to what I needed to be listening to.  Now, it's time to change that.  I don't mean just saying it but I really mean doing it.  It's time to take a risk.

"so that others may live"

I am basing my blog off of last night's episode of One Tree Hill.  Seriously, I cannot stop crying.  I truly love this series for that reason.  Everything hits home and everyone can relate.  I had a friend that I talked about in an earlier blog who passed away when she was a freshman in high school.  She was such an inspiration.  Last night's episode (I'm sorry if you have not watched it) ended with some random guy donating his organs "so that others may live".  I started crying because that is what my friend did.  She saved many lives even after she had left this world.  I am crying right now just writing this blog.  I do not want to die at a young age, but if I ever did, I would want to know that I was not dying in vain.  Saving others even after I pass away is one of the greatest gifts that I could ever give someone.  Jesus died for me and because of this, he saved me.  He saved me.  He saved me.  This is what my friend did.  She died and she saved others.  I sit here, barely able to see the screen because tears keep whelling up and I am thankful for both my friend and the life she lived.  She lived and died "so that others may live".  What an amazing story.  What about you?  Would you be willing to donate or even give up one organ "so that others may live"?  Could you?

hitting rock bottom

What would happen if everything in your life was completely taken away from you?  School, health, family, friends, possessions?  What would you do then?  In a way, this would be like hitting rock bottom.  I know most people do not have to have absolutely everything taken away from them but I know that some sure feel like that has happened.  My whole life was revolved around being the best Christian you could be and trusting God with everything, because He is all you have.  Oh my, I never really understood how true this was.  My family has been in financial trouble since I can remember.  Now, not saying this is good or bad, but it was different.  I also have had many car issues in my life that I have almost lost track of the problems that have occured.  I also have been very depressed.  You could say that was my rock bottom.  I think it was for me because everything else had other people included, the finances, the cars.  But, with depression, that was all me.  I was so depressed, my hours at work were cut to three hours a day because I would not get out of bed until I had to get to work.  Then, I would sleep all day.  I dropped all of my classes.  In fact, I started cutting myself because I wanted to just feel something.  This was my rock bottom.  Somehow, near the end of the summer, I pushed myself to reenter school and I pushed through it.  I got through my year at Parkland.  I thought that was never possible.  But, I also realized the fall of 2007, that God was with me the whole time.  I felt like I had nothing.  I knew my family was there but they didn't understand.  My friends and I rarely hung out and I was isolating myself.  I realized the only thing I had was God.  Once everything was stripped away from me, He was left standing and everything else had fallen apart.  He was my rock.  I needed Him to be.  I never let Him be but I was willing to give Him that role.  I can honestly tell you, I have never looked back.  I have struggled along the way, yes, but I have never fallen back down that pit since He pulled me out of it.  This has been the gain of my life.  God has been the gain of my life.  Is He yours?