Satan lies

Ha.  Yeah, I know.  Surprisingly enough we know this is true.  But do we know when it is happening?  I have been lied to so many times in my life, that I started believing what Satan was telling me.  There are also many times when I would "commit" myself to God and then for some reason, I would fall back into the pattern of everyday life and continue on the journey of a God-less life.  Beth had a good question posed to the reader.  "I know better than this.  I can't believe I've fallen for this again.  My head knows good and well that this doesn't define me.  Why can't I get that message to my heart?"  I have had this feeling and I know I have talked with many of my friends who have also had this feeling of when they do something wrong that they feel so guilty for it (which we should feel convicted) that they feel like they should just give up because God wouldn't want them anymore.  There are times where I have had this feeling.  My head knows that this is not true, but my heart is so full of guilt, that sometimes it's so hard to get past that.  You know what?  I believe this is Satan lying to you telling you, you are not good enough to be in God's kingdom.  He is telling you, you are not worthy of God's love.  This is his way of making you feel that pain and remorse so much that we feel like we should just throw in the towl.  I have had those moments.  I have had that feeling of I should not even try anymore, because I know it's going to happen again, so why even try? 

We are all human, so we are sinful by nature.  So, I'll give you some encouragement.  We all sin.  Okay, that may not sound like encouragement.  But, you cannot tell me that Billy Graham has never sinned a day in his life.  Yet, he still preaches the gospel of Jesus Christ.  He still believes that God loves him with everything He is.  Just because we sin, does not mean we are worthless.  Sometimes those sins can be used for a ministry for those who feel like the world is over.  You can use your mistakes and sins to reach someone else going through the same thing.  In the Bible it says in 2 Corinthians 1:6 "If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer."  This basically means that you are not the only one who suffers in this life.  If you are suffering, it is probably because God has someone that needs your help and guidance through their suffering.  So, take those moments of suffering and thank God for the opportunity to share with those around you.  You are being used for His purpose.  Satan may say otherwise, but we all know he is just lying through his teeth.

we are forgiven

Just this week, I was talking with a friend of mine who has a hard time understanding that God saves regardless.  They also had a hard time understanding that God has a purpose for their life even if they didn't or couldn't believe it.  It was a very interesting, wonderful, God-given talk that I had with this person.  I was able to tell them everything that I have been learning this past month and that they could have the same thing I had if they were just able to give their heart fully and completely to God.  Sadly, some people in this world think that as soon as you accept and believe that Jesus is their Lord and Savior then that's all they need to do in order to be a Christian.  This is one step.  The next step is to actively seek Him and learn more about Him.  I will admit that I have not done that in my life.  I have had spiritual highs that will last all of a week and then it's back to reality.  But, think about it.  Being completely in love with God and giving everything up to Him, not having that burden on your shoulders anymore, could be your reality.  You could have that all the time.  I'm not saying that you are going to feel like you could shout from the rooftops everyday, but I will say that you can be changed forever. 

I started reading something that Beth Moore wrote down and it hit me like a ton of bricks.  I mean, it's obvious once I started reading it but I never thought about it before.  She was mentioning how cruel this world is.  Uh, I'm sure you are saying, "DUH!"  But, hold on for a second.  I have been through too much crap and denied God more times than I can count.  I have put Him on the back burner for most of my life until something happens (tragedy) and then He is on the front burner until I don't need Him anymore.  I have ignored His requests and pretended like He was not there.  But, He still loves me and wants me to have the most amazing relationship that I will ever encounter.  He wants to give us more in our lives with a relationship with Him than we can or could EVER get here on Earth.  Beth says, "We need a place we can go when, as much as we loathe, it, we are needy and hysterical."  I read this as we need to hit rock bottom in order for us to reach out for the only thing that we have left; God.  This is so true.  We need to be so broken before we are able to have the relationship with Him that He desires to have with us.  I have prayed this last month that those that I talk to about my journey with God with that they will be broken before Him and be able to see who He truly is.  I challenge you to pray this prayer and learn to be broken before your God.

We are the problem

Okay, this title may get you a little upset.  I was reading this book thinking that I do not have all the problems, others (men) do too.  However, I have noticed from my past (just by reading this section), that I have tried to make men the center of my life regardless of how I did it.  I tried the online thing and that didn't work out because I was attracting creepers.  Trust me, they were.  You should have seen the conversations that they would try to have with me.  That's another story. 

I was trying to get the attention and love from a group of people (men) that I thought would make me feel better about myself.  I was dead wrong.  It actually made me feel worse because I was technically getting from them what I thought was what I wanted until I realized in the middle of talking with these people, that they were the exact opposite of what I wanted.  Granted, I would not have known half of that if I had not started talking with these people, but if I thougth through what was appropriate or what God wanted, then I would not have engaged in that in the first place.  Beth explains that women act the way in a way that makes us want the guys to rescue us, when most guys want the opposite.  Yes, they do like taking care of us.  Yes, they want to be that shoulder for us to cry on.  However, they do not want the drama that we present because we want their attention.  That is not how this works.  Instead, to save us from our own humiliation, we need to turn to allowing God to be that guy that we want the attention and love from and everything else will follow. 

Guys, it goes the same for you.  If you start to search for God and allow God to run that part of your life, love or insecurities, then your decisions will be better for you AND your future spouse.  I know of a few gusy in my life that want to rescue the girls in trouble, but the relationship never works out.  The girls are making their lives hard so the guys come in like a knight in shining armor but then the guys start to get fed up with always putting on their heavy, suited armor.  They do like to be rescued sometimes too.  It's a two-way street.  We need to start looking to ourselves to start to figure out why we have these insecurities instead of looking to others around us to hide that insecurity.  Pray that God will help you have the strength to overcome that.

So Long Insecurities

A friend of mine gave me a book to read once I got done with reading "When God Writes Your Love Story."  She told me that she read the book and was convicted to share this book with me with everything that I have been learning in the last month or so.  Beth Moore's book "So Long Insecurities" is basically just that.  She is able to take all the insecurities that women have and explain how we can overcome them.  I know there are guys out there too that have insecurities, too.  I have talked to them.  I admit that I have insecurities a mile long and a mile wide.  Sometimes, I do dwell on them.  But, Beth mentioned in her first chapter if we don't have anyone around us to tell us how amazing, beautiful, wonderful, life-changing we are, then can we survive in this world and surpass our insecurities?  As a woman, I very much enjoy hearing things like how beautiful I am (thanks Dad!!) or what a wonderful person I am.  However, Beth says that we are not going to get that all the time and we need to learn to be able to work through that, even though we need that reassurance, it may not happen when we need it to.  So, are we going to be able to continue on with our lives if no one compliments us?  I think we can.  I do have a hard time with this as well.  I definitely need to continue to learn about how to leave the insecurities behind and continue on.  I am not going to hear everyday from my dad about how beautiful he thinks his little girl is, but I can turn to God to get that assurance.  Just because the people on Earth may say one thing, does not mean that it is true.  God holds the truth and He loves us just the way we are.  I have been learning that this last month about how much God does love me, insecurities and all.  I never want people to think that it is easy to believe that God loves us with all our flaws, because it's not easy.  But, it's relieving to know that it is true.  So, I challenge you (and myself) to let God take care of those insecurities you may have and just to let it go.  It will be hard, but in the end it will be SOOOO worth it!

These last few weeks have been the most terrifying but the most exhiliarating time in my life.  I have chosen to give up everything that I have in order to allow God to turn my life around.  Now, when I say everything I mean those things that are hindering my relationship with God (though I have faltered), as well as just giving up those things I cannot touch like worry, anger, love, etc.  It has been an exciting experience so far.  But, as I am reading the last few chapters of When God Writes Your Love Story, I have been asked the question of Would I give up my blanket to Jesus?  This means, if I had nothing else in the world but a small blanket to keep myself warm, would I be able to sit next to Jesus and hand Him my blanket even though I know it might cause certain death?  Isn't that what giving your life over to Jesus means?  That we would die for our Savior?  "When we choose to let go of what little we have and surrender it to God, it's then we receive the bounty of His kingdom."  I whole-heartedly believe this.  These last few weeks have tested my faith in God's love for my family and me.  Ever since I chose to give God everything, I believe Satan has been trying to lure my family and me back to our old habits of thinking or the way we react to things.  But, we tried our best not to allow Satan to have any of that and God has shown to be better than any of us could have imagined. 

"When you know Jesus Christ, the tender hand of heaven begins to masterfully shape your life to exhibit the glory of heaven for the entire world to see."  God never said that being a Christian was easy.  I have known people to lose their popularity and friends because of proclaiming to be a Christian.  In fact, I have gone through that too.  There have been numerous friends of mine who choose not to invite me places or hang out with me out in public because I am a Christian.  In all honesty, there are times when I wish that this had not happened and I could say that I was not a Christian because I want to be hanging out with those people.  But, I am so glad that I do not compromise who I am in Christ for the sake that if I did, I would be denying Him and EVERYTHING He has done for me.  What kind of Christian does that make me?  I know Christians who will say they are Christians (to me) and go out and deny that that conversation was ever had.  "We don't just know it, but we live it for all the world to witness."  This is something that I have now dedicated my life for.  There are people (some in my family) who have tried to push me to do what they want instead of what God wants.  I have flat out told them, "If that is what God wants me to do, then pray about it and He will show me.  If this is something that He does not want me to do then I choose not to do it."  Some people are not understanding this, but I do not need them to understand it.  I need God.

White as Snow

These are lyrics from Leslie and Eric's album Faithfully.  Just read and pray on the words and lift your burdens and sins up to God and let His words wash over you.

Alone and confused, your heart is bruised from sin;
Your joy is gone from love gone wrong
And you're longing to start again.
I know that you've been hurt,
and you don't know whom to trust;
I won't pretend I understand your pain.
But i can see repentance in your eyes,
and I know it's not too late;
I hear Him calling your name...

White as snow, He has made you white as snow;
The moment you confessed, His heart forgave.
You might think you've ruined all the plans He had for you,
But it's for that very reason Jesus saves.
White as snow, He has made you white as snow;
Pure and innocent like a dove,
Though you have done nothing to deserve His pardoning,
You've been purified by Jesus' blood --
White as snow.

The guilt and the shame, keeping you chained,
Not wanting to let you go;
It's no how you dreamed, not how you planned,
And you can't see that still there is hope.

Receive His healing for your bruises;
Receive His riches for your rags.
You cannot imagine all the plans He has for you,
So take His hand, and don't look back.

"Serious Sin"

I am sinful by nature.  I make mistakes just like the next person.  I have temptations that some don't even know about.  But, regardless of all the excuses I try to make, all my sin is harmful to me and my future spouse.  I have lived so much in sin that for years I, didn't forget about Christ, but I didn't feel worthy of having Him.  I lived in my sin because I either didn't see a way out or I just figured what's the difference of me having sin now than me sinning tomorrow?  This is a horrible attitude to have.  Sin is something we choose to do.  But, do not let sin fool you.  Satan has told me so many lies in the past and he still does today.  He constantly tells me how unworthy I am of having God in my life with Him being so perfect.  I am so not perfect and why do I even think that God would want me with the sin that I have committed in my life?  I know I am not the only person out there who has thought this.  In fact, I just had a conversation with one of my friends about this.  She has told me that she believes that she is not destined to have a pure husband because she is not.  She told me she would rather have someone who has been with someone else or has been married before because she probably won't find someone who is pure.  However, she feels so impure that she thinks that her future husband needs to be just as impure so there is not comparison with him being more pure than her.  I just find this sad.  Satan is capable of telling us so many lies that we start to believe them because it's the easy way out.  Now, I am not saying that she does not have a right to feel this way because there are so many times that I feel the same way. 

Leslie grew up in a church that had the idea of "You are all going to mess up in this area, because in this day and age, sexual sin is nearly inevitable.  But don't worry, God offers a second virginity.  His grace will cover you."  I see this as testing God and using God as a backup plan.  That's pretty much like saying, "Oh, just sin.  God will forgive you anyway."  This is not a way to live your life.  This is taking God for granted and we have already done this by Jesus having to die on the cross for our sins.  Why would we think that it's okay to do that again?  Sin destructs our lives.  Whatever sin you have in your life, if you are unable to give that sin to God, then you are going to bring that baggage with you into your relationship.  You do not want to burden your future spouse or yourself with such heaviness. 

I love what Leslie says in chapter fifteen.  "The beauty of a God-written love story is not something reserved for the perfect or the pious; it's for the sinners like you and me.  That's what God's love is all about.  We are so unworthy of His grace and forgiveness -- and yet He offers it to us freely."  How amazing is this?!  I am so not worthy of God's love.  But, He loves us so much that He gives us the chance to live with Him in our lives with no questions asked.  I just pray that Christians and non-Christians alike, realize that no matter the sin (without taking advantage) that we go through, we can still become anew and become just as spiritually pure as we hope to ever be.  I believe men and women sell themselves SO short when they choose to just give up and settle for something that God does not want for us.  If we are able to give our lives over to God and just let Him write our story, our desires of wanting a pure relationship and a pure spouse is so possible it's ridiculous!  Those people just need to give it to God and pray for their future spouse and leave it to rest.  I cannot imagine why Christians are now settling for what they think they deserve instead of accepting what we do not.  We do not deserve God but accepting Him into our lives is the most amazing and indescribable feeling that you will ever have.

parents' relationships

I am learning the importance of my parents' involvement with my relationship with my future husband.  I know it's kind of strange to invite your parents into a romantic relationship with your future spouse but who else would know what you needed in a future spouse than your parents?  They have watched you grow up and they have watched your personality change throughout the years and they know what kind of person that you need in a future spouse.  I want in my future spouse, someone who is able to talk with my parents about the kind of person that I am as well as how to "win my heart". 

When my sister was a senior in high school she started dating my brother-in-law.  By the time her freshman year in college came around, my brother-in-law came to my parents and asked them how to win my sister's heart.  I actually have never heard of anyone since asking their future in-laws about winning their future spouse's heart.  I find this rare and amazing that my sister has a husband who took care of her by learning how to win her heart.  This is a new way of saying that the woman should be pursued in her relationship with her future husband but in something that is more romantic and beautiful than anything else.  Men, "win" your future wife's heart.  If you learn and study her, she will feel more cherished and loved than any other woman in the world.  Women, allow your future husband to pursue you and treat you the way that God wants him to treat the church.  It will be one of the best decisions you have ever made.  I will one day find out but I do know it's out there.  God will provide someone for you that will be everything and more than you ever imagined.

teammates

Teammates are a big part of our world.  I mean look at all the pro ball players we have.  I am sure that you have a team that you root for pretty much 100% of the time.  Maybe you have more than one team that you root for.  Are you on a team?  If so, how much do you rely on your team to get you through the game?  How much do you rely on your coach to help you make the best move you can make during the game?  I remember playing ball in junior high and high school.  I do say that I miss those times.  However, I remember a time, my last year playing softball, I was on the yellow team with a bunch of my friends and two great coaches.  I am not going to lie.  We were horrible.  Seriously.  We lost the first seven games of the season.  Ha.  I can confidently say that the other teams knew that we were the least of their worries.  However, thinking back on it, my team had a hard time listening to my coaches the first couple games.  We thought we knew best and would try to play individual games, though we were all on the same team.  I can tell you, that never works.  As you can tell, we were not good because we did not act like a team.

The last seven games of the season were the best of any season that I will ever remember.  We won every game.  We even had a triple header one night.  We were exhausted.  But, we started listening to each other and our coaches because we were getting sick of being known as the team that was easy to beat.  We wanted to show that we were something to compete with.  So, we opened our ears and listened to each others' advice and actually acted upon the advice.  We started winning our games.  We beat the hardest team to beat in the whole league the very last game.  We were the team that was the easiest to beat in the league.  Well, not anymore.  It was the best feeling in the world. 

Now what does softball have to do with anything?  Well, I can say that having "teammates" in your life to help you through your walk with Christ, is essential.  As you can see, trying to complete something on your own could be deterimental to your success.  If you start opening your hearts and minds to those who could direct you in a way that is a Godly way, then your success will be twice as amazing then if you ever tried it on your own.  "Our teammates can help us determine whether or not a relationship is from God based on the fruit they see in our lives as a result of the relationship."  My roommate allowed me to see which relationships that I was in to see if they were godly relationships or if they were relationships that brought me down.  I am so glad that she asked me this question because I am now able to use this question for current and future relationships I may have in order to know if they are God given.

fellowship

My roommate and I were talking the other day about the importance of having fellowship with other Christians.  This fellowship is healthy for us as well as keeps us accountable in our everday walk with God.  God did not expect us to try and live our lives on our own.  He wants us to fellowship with other Christians because He wants us to know that there are people out there that are there to pray with us through the tough times and rejoice with us in the happy times.  Those fellow Christians may have wisdom that God gives them to tell us, but we wouldn't know if we never had fellowship with those people.  Eric and Leslie say, " God designed us to need each other -- He designed us to lean upon the body of Christ for support, prayer, wisdom and even practical help." 

There are many answers that I still try to answer on my own but it sometimes only makes sense when someone else tells me in the way that I need to hear.  God uses those people to speak to us in a way that we would be able to understand.  We need to choose people or mentors in our lives to be there for us when we need them.  We need to find those who pray with us when we feel all hope is lost.  I remember a time in my life when a friend of mine was in the intensive care unit and the body of Christ came together in the waiting room and just prayed for my friend.  There was so much prayer going around that even the doctors and nurses could feel that power of prayer with them.  That is an amazing testament of the fellowship of Christ.  I am thankful to know those people and I know that if I were to go through anything that those people will be there for me no matter what.  That is one amazing feeling. 

One thing I have learned recently about relationships, not necessarily about romantic relationships, but relationships in general; is that there tends to be miscommunication. I know we have all gone through the miscommunication process and it is not fun. But, I realized that one of my friends was not getting the part of the relationship that she needed from me that I had never thought about. I wanted her to just be there for me when I needed her but I never actually told her that. There would be times that I would just need a hug and because I never asked her for it, I never got one. I felt like she didn’t care and she felt the same way about me. Okay, it sounds like we’re dating but in all honesty, this is how relationships are. The one thing that she never told me was that she needed me to tell her how I felt or even just call her up every once in a while to ask how she was doing. She felt like she was doing all the talking. When she just wanted the words to come out of my mouth to just ask her how she was. I needed her to give me a hug when I was stressed or upset. I needed her to show me that she understood what I was going through by just giving me a hug or letting me cry it out and sit there with me. That was all I wanted. We talked it out and discovered that because we never actually voiced what we needed, that we just got frustrated with each other and more upset because we thought the other person didn’t care about our friendship. This is really how it is in a romantic relationship. There are things called love languages. Physical touch, words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, and acts of service. My top two are physical touch and acts of service. Hers was words of affirmation. Makes sense, doesn’t it? Well, in a romantic relationship, if we try to help out our significant other with what we would want, does not necessarily mean that is what THEY need. We need to be able to ask and communicate what we need from our partners and what would work for us for comfort and affection. They also should be able to do the same with us. Trust me, it goes a long way when you know what the other person needs from a relationship. If you keep trying to handle things in a way that would work for you and never pay attention to what that person needs, there is no way that relationship would work. So, if you are having any kind of relationship problems, take a step back and see if there is something that you can do to make it better. Is there a way that you are approaching things that the other person sees as you not caring? Is there something that they are not doing that you need them to do in order to know that they care? Just examine what you are doing and what you need them to do and talk about it. Relationships are going to have their hardships but if you accomplish this in a relationship then you may just have it made.

girls vs. guys

For a relationship to work, sometimes a husband or wife need to acknowledge things that the other person is doing in order to have them feel better about themselves. Not that they need you to do that because they have God for that. But, sometimes it is nice to hear a “thank you for doing the dishes” or a “you didn’t have to do the laundry. Thank you.” Small acknowledgements like this go a long way. For girls, sometimes we just want that other person to just be there with us. We need the physical encouragement. For guys, it may be words of affirmation that they are very much needed in your life otherwise you would not know what to do with yourself. Girls and guys are completely different with the various ways of feeling special in their spouse’s life. The small things that the men do in our lives, go such a long way, it’s kind of ridiculous. When I came back to my apartment this past weekend, I hopped in my car and my gas tank was full. I thought I was going to have to go fill it up with money I didn’t have. I found out that my dad took the liberty to go fill up my gas tank because he cares about me. That is something that he knows I need but if he can help me out in this tiny way then there is less for me to worry about. Thanks dad!!! I love it when he does stuff like that for me. It makes me know how much he truly does love me. So, even if you may not have a significant other yet (because I know I don’t), then use this time in your life to show those around you that you love and care about them. Men, take your mom out for lunch date ON YOU! Or help do the dishes or clean the house. I know I hate asking if there is anything that I can help with but I know that in order to make both our lives easier, asking them if they need help will actually get the job done faster. So, pitch in here and there and it will make everyone’s lives a lot easier and you will be blessed later when you are with someone and you start doing things for them out of habit. Trust me, they will be eternally grateful. Once someone starts seeing the love that someone acts upon them, they tend to reciprocate to show their love back.

leaving a print of our lives

Okay, so this may sound strange, but do you feel better when someone compliments you on your abilities or the kind of person that you are? I know you are going to say yes because who doesn’t? A friend of mine recently told me that she has seen a change in me and my way of approaching life. She said I’m more respectful of others and more mature in my faith and uplifting. She told me that she wanted to have what I have. Well, I can tell you right now, yes, that made my whole world feel like I was doing something that I know I should be doing anyway. I was not looking for a compliment or anything of the sort but I just wanted to share with people the kind of love that God has shown me. It just happened to be that someone acknowledged the change and now they want that. Isn’t that the kind of person we should all strive for? To be the kind of person that people WANT to be and for the better? There are those people that are watching us that we do not know about. People who are Christians and those who are not. People are constantly keeping their eye on you to see what kind of follower we are. I know this either sounds creepy or you feel lots of pressure. But, honestly, if you just dive into the word and listen to what God tells you to do, then all of the radiance that people will notice about you will be effortless. You will just become that way because God has renewed your spirit and all you will want to do is shout it from the rooftops. So instead of looking for the outward glory from those around you, you can be filled with the spiritual glory that most people want to have. Those people rarely see an example of that in their lives because this day in age, it’s really hard to find a truly committed Christian who actually follows the word of God. There are those people that say that they are followers but go out and break every rule in the book. Do you want to be that? Do you want that to be what people remember about you? Or do you want them to remember that you were a follower of Christ and they want to be able to live their life out the way that you did? So, look for the spirit’s compliments in your life. Allow God to give you that ego boost by giving Him your life.

The Golden Rule

One way to figure out how to prepare for your future with your spouse is to train yourself on the people around you. The best people to do that with is your family but you can practice on your friends as well. This is great practice to learn forgiveness, humility, love, and serve those around you. Why not practice now? I have a hard time sometimes practicing any of this on my family but I know in the long run the way that I treat them will be the way that I treat my future husband and family. I was actually watching “So You Think You Can Dance?” tonight and I was closely watching Robert on the show. Now, I know he’s good looking and everything but that is not why I was watching him. I was observing his behavior with the women that are around him. He is very sweet, protective, caring, loyal, and among many other things with them. What’s funny? He is not related to any of them. But, when you look at the way he treats his mom, he treats her with the same respect as he does the other girls in his life. Just guess where he learned to treat those girls around him? That’s right. The way he treats his mom. He will be a great husband someday. Now, what kind of spouse do you want to be? Do you want to be the caring spouse that when you are away from your wife or husband that all they can talk about with the people around them is how amazing you are? Or do you want to be the spouse where all of your spouse’s friends are telling to leave? I know which one I want to be. So, I am going to start now on treating those around me with respect that they may not deserve but I will give them because I know that when I meet my future husband, I want to respect those around me the way that I pray my future husband will repect me, without him in the room.  I want to become a better person because of him.

forgiveness

Today, I learned about forgiveness. Now, I have forgiven people in the past when I knew no one else would. But, today I also learned that we need to be forgivable. Just recently, a friend of mine and I reconciled after a year of hurt and pain. We had discovered that we needed to face our problems head on instead of running from them. However, the first step was to be forgivable. I chose to ask for forgiveness which is one of the hardest things to do in the world. It is extremely hard to apologize to someone that we have hurt or someone that we know we should have been nicer to. Many times this last week, I have had to ask for forgiveness for my anger or my spurts of frustration when I knew I could have controlled both of them and just either let things go or give it up to God and take a deep breath. I am still learning this, though it may be difficult to break old habits, I know that it is healthy for me to learn as well as giving that part of myself to my future husband. This way when we get into arguments, there will not be things thrown around that should have never entered the argument in the first place. It just makes me realize how many things that I do that I should not do and then have to go back and ask for forgiveness. You know, it’s a lot easier to think before we do anything instead of constantly asking for forgiveness when we could have prevented something to start with. So why not, next time take a little time and regroup and blow off steam before talking with anyone so that way, you have a better perspective on the situation and you will be less likely to blow up at someone. I am going to take this challenge and try and apply it to my life and I challenge you to do the same.

life is hard

You know, I have discovered life is extremely hard.  Okay, I didn't just realize this but with the last couple of weeks, with having life still staring me down but having God to look upon for comfort and strength, life couldn't be better.  There are so many things that happened in the last few days that could classify as having a really crappy life.  But, I really feel that if I had nothing and still had God, I would have everything in the world and so much more.  This feeling that God has given me has been a blessing beyond anything that I could have asked for.  My family is going through a rough time right now but I still feel at peace that everything is going to be okay because God is in control.  I can understand the pain and frustration that people that I am close to are going through, but I know in my heart and soul that as bad as life may be right now, God is only preparing us for something so much bigger than ourselves.  The hardships that we endure in this life are only preparing us for something that God has in store.  We are incapable of seeing the whole picture, though we may dream about it sometimes.  God asked Job to rid of all of his possessions and at the end all Job had was God to lean on.  God blessed Job in so many more wonderful ways than Job would have thought possible.  Would you be able to give everything up that you either have or have ever wanted because God asked you to?  Would you be able to trust that He has something so much better for you that you just cannot see it yet?  Imagine what that may be.  You may believe that you have everything you have ever wanted right now.  A great job.  A great family.  Great friends.  What if all of that disappeared?  Would you still be able to say that you have a life worth living?  I whole-heartedly believe that God allows us to go through such turmoil and despair (nothing we can't handle) in order for us to reach out for Him and allow Him to take the reigns.  Sometimes we need that rock bottom in order to know who God truly is.  I have been there and back so many times I cannot keep track.  But, I do know that God is in control and I trust Him with ever fiber of my being that everything is going to work out the way it's supposed to.  It may not work out the way that we had hoped but would you rather have what you think is the best thing for you or would you rather have what God has set aside for you which is something so much better our brains cannot even begin to imagine its greatness?  I vote for option B.  I may have thought that I was supposed to graduate at the end of Decemeber and be done with school.  Instead, I now have to go an extra semester.  Trust me, I was not happy about this decision.  But, looking back if I had just stuck with graduating in Decemeber and left school after this, I may not have had the opportunity to do what God has called me to do.  I may not have tried to seek for God the way that I have the last few weeks and learned more about Him and myself.  I definitely may not have the faith in God that I do right now.  I thank God that I am made to be here an extra semester because I cannot wait to see what plans He has in store for me.  I am excited to see what comes of this next year.  Now, life may be hard but God is sooooo good.  He will follow through with what He knows we need.  He will make our paths straight and He will provide.  I know this.  I believe it and it will happen.

the foundations of any relationship

As I was reading tonight's chapter, it really hit home.  I have been praying continously for my family this week.  Lots of things going on that I know they need prayer for.  I wish I could be there right now and help them out but I know I can't, so I resort to prayer.  Which is always that best thing to do.  Tonight's chapter was about family.  Now, I am reading "When God Writes Your Love Story."  In all honesty, once I started reading this chapter, I was trying to figure out what a love story had to do with my family. 

I don't always get along with my family.  Some days it's extremely hard and on those days I just want to leave and never come back.  But, then I hear of certain news tonight that makes me want to go home and just wrap my arms around my family.  It's hard being so far away and not being able to help in any way that I can.  However, I know that my attitude sucks sometimes when I am in the presence of my family.  I know that needs to change otherwise I will grow bitter and resentful instead of blessed of the days that I get to share with them.

Eric talked about being Christlike at home.  HA!! Yeah, that is not always easy.  But, he said that if we are unable to live out our Christlike faith and attitude towards those who know us best, how are we going to be able to treat our future spouse and family with the respect Christ demands of us?  This hit me like a ton of bricks.  I mean, I don't try to be rude to my family or treat them the way that I have been known to, but I obviously have not tried very hard to show them the love of God even when I don't really feel up to it.  I know Jesus didn't really feel "up to it" when He was asked to die on the cross for my stupid mistakes.  But, He did it and I couldn't be more grateful.  When I do not feel up to treating my family the way Christ would, I know that is when I need to make the most effot to do it.  If we are unable to treat those with the love and compassion that Christ demands of us to treat our families, how are we ever going to survive in a marriage?  I can tell you right now, that ain't happening.  It will be impossible to love our spouse when we are angry or show our children love when they make the same mistake for the forty-second time.  This is when we need to start preparing ourselves for marriage and a life-long relationship.  We need to prepare by showing our family the love that we do not deserve to have.  There are times where they do not deserve our love and respect but when have you ever been perfect to deserve that same love and respect?  The time is now to love the way that Christ loves us.  Show it to those who are close to you and loving your spouse through the hard times will be much more of a second nature than a burden.

Legacy

My roommate and I were talking today about the kind of legacy we would like to leave behind on this Earth.  We started bringing up memories of people that we could think of that have had a huge impact on our lives, though they are not here with us anymore.  There was one person that we kept coming back to.  We knew her in church and in school and she was the mere age of 15 when she died.  The last memory I have of her is when I was walking out of the school, during play practice, and she called me over to have a short discussion with her and her friends.  I asked them what they were talking about and she had mentioned that they were talking about what Heaven would be like.  She mentioned how she just wanted to be with Jesus more than anything and just couldn't wait to spend eternity with Him.  I asked her if she could see herself getting older and having family and she just flat out said no.  She said she could not see herself growing up and she just wanted to be with Jesus more than anything.  That day was the day before Good Friday.  She passed away the day that we recognize as the day Jesus died.  The cool part about the story hasn't even begun.  She left on that Thursday to go get her older brother with her mom to come home for Easter.  She believed that this was one holiday where family needed to be together to celebrate Jesus' life.  I made the realization, 9 years after her death, that she died serving God.  

Her funeral was a week later and I cannot begin to tell you the amazing person that she was.  She had touched so many lives, that they had to add chairs to the welcome center in the church to fit all the people who were showing up to her memorial service.  The other cool part is, she believed that whenever she died that her body could be used for good because she wouldn't need it anymore.  She not only witnessed to people while she was living, she witnessed to them after her death and continues to do that.  However, she also literally saved lives with donating her body to save as many lives as she could.  She motivated people to be better during her short life but also 9 years after she went to be with Jesus.  How cool is that?  Now, my question is for you, what kind of person do you want people to remember you as?  What kind of legacy do you want to leave?  Do you want people to remember you as that partier who would go bar hopping every night or that person that would brighten a room with just one smile?  I know what kind of legacy I would like to leave this world.  How about you? 

prince charming

As a little girl, I have always wanted that perfect man.  I mean, what girl did not want the perfect man?  No flaws and loves you with all of yours?  One who sweeps you off your feet and loves you until the end of time?  That sounds amazing on so many levels!! Just list the perfect person for you.  Go ahead.  Take a minute to list the perfect person for yourself. 

Now, look at the list that you have made.  Who does the list remind you of?  Someone perfect?  Someone you think is too good to be true?  Who is too good to be true?  I know the list that I had from a very young age had many things on there that I know now is ridiculous but some things I still hold dear to my heart.  This weekend, I found a letter that I wrote to God when I was 14 exactly 10 years ago this week.  Creepy huh?  Well, I read through it and I was a little naive but there were some things written that to this day, I still pray for.  I longed for someone who loved God more than me.  Someone who searched after God's own heart and believed with everything that they are that God will take care of them no matter what life deals them.  I wrote that I wanted a man who had a huge heart for children and was compassionate and caring.  Now look at all the qualities that I just named.  Who does that sound like to you?  If you said God Himself, you're right.  I have been holding out for the man of my dreams but He has been there all along.  Leslie had a friend tell her that the reason that she had listed qualities that reminded her of God was because He wants us to search for a man or woman with a character like Jesus Christ.  God puts those desires in our hearts so we can know that when He has shown us who our future spouse is that we know we have not settled for the regular old guy.  Instead, He wants us to pray and believe that He has someone waiting for us that is perfect for us just as we are perfect for them.  Just imagine waiting for that perfect person and being able to hold that person in your arms for the rest of your life.  Why waste that on other "okay" type guys when you can have the "perfect" guy?

Pslam 37:4

This verse has actually been on my mind the last couple of days when I have sat down to talk with people about what God has been teaching me.  However, I finally found it today.  "Delight yourself in the LORD and He will give you the desires of your heart."  What a great verse!!! I have been desiring a husband who is all the Lord wants Him to be for me.  I mean, there are a few things that I would LOVE to have in a future spouse and I know that if those things are that important to me, if I keep giving those up to God and following Him, He will be sure to give me the desires of my heart.  I know that I am not supposed to be single the rest of my life (though I have heard this option a lot lately) but that is okay.  I know God has someone out there for me because I truly want to be married someday.  It is just not going to be on my timing.  God is preparing me for my future husband and my future husband for me as I sit here and write.  How cool is that?  As I am writing down what God is teaching me, my future husband is out there waiting for me.  So, now, I just wait and let God do the leg work while I seek after God's own heart.  I whole heartedly believe that God has someone out there for me.  So, now I just need to pray all the time over Psalm 37:4. 

true contentment

Today is about singleness.  Obviously.  I grew up with friends, that since they were five have wanted to spend the rest of their lives with someone.  I can understand that, I had that too.  Now, some of these people are more empty now then they ever were and they have either had romantic relationships or have never had any kind of relationship.  These people are unhappy but you have to ask the question why are they unhappy?  They feel like they have not met or been with their better half and so they long for it.  Guess what?  I do too.  But, "... if you aren't enough without it, you'll never be enough with it."  I truly believe this.  I heard a very familiar quote this weekend that didn't hit me until I heard it again.  A friend of mine said, "If you cannot live with your own company, how do you think someone else will want to?"  This is a hard pill to swallow because I would love for my future husband to be able to live with me.  Duh!! It's called marriage.  But, what if I cannot live with myself without anyone else?  That was a question that I had not actually pondered before.  And it makes total sense.  I need to be content in my singleness and when the time comes, my future spouse will be able to be with me too.  "True contentment can only be found in an intimate love relationship with the Lord, not in anything else, including a romantic love story." 

Where do you think your Earthly relationship will be founded?  If you are unable to live with yourself and the Lord how is your romantic relationship going to survive?  I have news for you, it won't.  You need to be able to build an intimate relationship with the Lord and everything else including your romantic relationship will be stronger than anything you could ever imagine.  God uses our loneliness or singleness in order to make ourselves a better servant to Him.  He can use this as a guide for someone else to follow Him.  Leslie states, "A true leader must have enough backbone to stand alone, even when the crowd wants to take the easy road home."  This is so true in even the simplest of conflicts.  Which food should I eat?  Hamburger or salad?  Which is healthier for you?  Or how about which relationship should I be in?  The one with the godly man or the one where I feel belittled?  This may seem like an easier answer, but you have seen those relationships where women keep going back to the abusing relationship though it seems like the simple thing to do would be to get out.  But, if these people were able to follow God with their hearts instead of physical relationships, then most of them would not be in their predicaments.  You need to be a leader in God's will and show others the only way is through Him.  The best time to do that is when you have just Him and you in the relationship. 

Today I am...

I need to have a new perspective on being single.  I started thinking long and hard about what God is calling me to do in my singleness.  And there is a quote in the book that makes sense to me that I would like to share with you.  Krissy is a girl who is single and lives life to the fullest anyway (which we should all be doing, regardless).  Her younger brother asked her, "Krissy, do you think you are called to singleness?"  And Krissy's response to her brother was, "Today I am."  I believe one of these days, I will meet my husband and spend the rest of my life with him.  But, until then, I'm single.  And that is okay with me.  I want to live life to the fullest with our without my husband.  So, my response to my internal question of whether I am called to singleness is "Today I am."  I just pray that others can start to understand where I come from when I say this.  I have already come to the conclusion that I am not going to please those people, and that's okay.  I can pray for those people and that they will have peace with those who are not actively searching for their future spouse but they are actively searching for the relationship of a lifetime.  I would rather have that relationship of a lifetime then have nothing at all.  I may not get married in a year or ten years but I will still have that fulfilling meaning of what a relationship is because God is there teaching me about our relationship.  I am forever grateful for that.  So, "Today I am."

I am more than a relationship

Okay, how many of you have been constantly asked, "So are you dating anyone yet?,"  "Do you have that lucky someone yet?," "When are you going to find someone to spend the rest of your life with?"  Okay, seriously?  I am more than just a relationship.  I hear this question from just about everyone.  Honestly, at this point if I were dating anyone, I would be telling the whole world about it.  I know those people just mean the best, however, when you come back with "I just haven't found anyone yet," or "Nope.  I'm just waiting for the right person to come along."  These people automatically go to the next statement, "Aw, that's okay.  I'm sure you'll find someone eventually," or "Are you sure you're supposed to be with anyone if you haven't found someone yet?"  I just have one question for you.  Is that all I am supposed to live for?  Am I not supposed to make something else of myself than a wife?  I do want to be a wife and mother, don't get me wrong, but it just hasn't happened YET?  Yet, is the word used.  Yet will come around when God says it will.  Until then, I'm going to live my life for Him.  Shouldn't that be what I should be doing?  Shouldn't that be the relationship I should focus on?  I have heard so many people talk about being "whole" when they find that someone.  I am whole now.  I know I will be with someone who compliments who I am not completes it.  I can be complete without someone on my arm.  Just so you know, this is allowed.  God wants us to be pursuing Him in our lives, not pursuing someone else.  He has that person for us already, we just need to let God take the reigns and that other relationship we all long for (even those who keep asking about them) will happen, on God's timing.

Single with a purpose

When I heard this phrase, I was a little taken back because I kept trying to figure out in my head, how in the world can you be single with a purpose?  Well in chapter ten, there are a couple girls that don't just sit around waiting for their future husband to knock on their front door and whisk them away to a life happily ever after.  In face, these two women use their singleness to better themselves for their husband by getting closer and closer to God.  If they have days where all they can think about is their future husband, they sit and write letters to him so when the time comes that they marry their beloved, that they will be able to share with them the journey that they were on to get to their husband.  I say this is a great way to use singleness.  As you know, I am single myself and I recently started writing love letters to my husband and it was shortly after that, when I read this chapter.  I felt almost like I was accomplishing something because I was using my single status effectively.  There are too many people out there that actively seek for their future spouse to fill that void in their hearts.  But, we can use our loneliness to fall back on God and let Him take the reigns for a while.  We definitely cannot do that on our own.  We need help and why not fall back on the greatest gift we will ever receive instead of going through the turmoil on our own?  I say that is definitely being single with a purpose.

August 6, 2010

I'm not sure this was the kind of blog I wanted to do but I feel like I need to put it out there.

"I'm in a rainy day right now.  Not a physical rainy day, an emotional and spiritual rainy day.  I know there is a reason and purpose for it.  It just hurts in the midst of it.  My heart is in pain and I just need God today.  A hug wouldn't hurt either.  I know God has a purpose for me.  I know how much He truly loves me.  And I have felt it too!  It's just you always get a lonely day or two and that's when I just need to trust God more.

Please God, teach me the lesson that is needed and let me actually do something about it.  Allow my heart to open and let you comfort it.  I love you and I will wait!"

painful days...

Lonely days can almost be more painful than we had ever thought.  Over a week ago, I had a painful day to where I was crying to my roommate about how I desperately wanted that person to be there and hold me and tell me that it is okay.  I needed that person to be there and just let me cry on their shoulder.  I cried about wondering if my future husband would ever be just that... would I even have a future husband?  Would I be single the rest of my life?  That is one hard pill to swallow.  It doesn't help that most of my life, even though people have prayed for my future spouse, has been full of what ifs and "Have you ever thought that maybe you are supposed to be single the rest of your life?" Or "maybe it's just not meant to be."  Okay, to a single person, that is the last thing you say to someone who wants to have that true love for the rest of their lives.  I mean, come on.  However, I have discovered that in those lonely moments that I just want to cry my eyes out and hurt and want to just hug my future husband, I pray more and I read more about the eternal love of my life.  I am able to remember why I am in pain in the first place.  That may sound negative but hang in there.  I am able to remember that the pain of waiting will give me what God has longed for me this whole time.  God wants something beautiful in my life and it's something that I cannot even begin to imagine.  I may want it desperately right now, but am I ready right now?  Is he ready?  So, in these painful, tear-filled days, I can remember to lean on God and He will ALWAYS pull me through.  I just have to be patient and faithful to myself, my husband, and my God.

While I'm waiting by John Waller

This song poses a whole new perspective for me now that I have started actively studying God.  Just pray on the lyrics.


I'm waiting


I'm waiting on You, Lord

And I am hopeful

I'm waiting on You, Lord

Though it is painful

But patiently, I will wait



I will move ahead, bold and confident

Taking every step in obedience

While I'm waiting

I will serve You

While I'm waiting

I will worship

While I'm waiting

I will not faint

I'll be running the race

Even while I wait



I'm waiting

I'm waiting on You, Lord

And I am peaceful

I'm waiting on You, Lord

Though it's not easy

But faithfully, I will wait

Yes, I will wait


I will serve You while I'm waiting

I will worship while I'm waiting

I will serve You while I'm waiting

I will worship while I'm waiting

I will serve you while I'm waiting

I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord



AMEN!!!

waiting...

What would you describe as faithfulness?  Is it a commitment to your significant other?  It is never straying away from your beliefs?  When should you practice faithfulness?  Yesterday? Now? Tomorrow?  How about all the time?  Having faithfulness for something or someone is extremely hard and can be trying at times.  But, what about in relationships?  What about BEFORE relationships?  Eric Ludy explains that we should not only be faithful to our spouse but we need to be faithful to them BEFORE we ever even meet them.  For those of you who are a little confused, it is what us single people waiting for our true love call waiting.  I KNOW!! We need to wait! I'm sure you're thinking, "I've waited long enough! I want it now!!"  My question for you is, don't you want to wait and be given the best God-centered relationship of your life?  When has anything been good for us if we have not had to wait for it?  I am totally on the boat with you, though.  I understand.  I have cried myself to sleep at night because I really want that relationship and love that every engaged or married couple always talks about.  Honestly, it's getting a little frustrating.  However, I have made that commitment for my future husband on learning to wait for the perfect man that God has set aside, just for me.  This is waht faithfulness is all about.  We need to be faithful to our future spouses by being patient and allowing God to work through us and through him or her in order to get to where we need to be for each other.  How do you think you will learn faithfulness with your spouse if you do not already know how to do it before you meet them?  Start practicing now!

Listen and Do...

James 1:22-25 "Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves.  Do what it says.  Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes aay and immediately forgets what he looks like.  But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it - he will be blessed in what he does."

There are too many people in this world that 'listen' to the word of God and then go on about their day as if they had never heard God at all.  There are also too many people who are Sunday Christians and weekly sinners.  I mean, we are all sinners don't get me wrong but as a Christian aren't we supposed to strive to be a better follower of Christ?  Why only 'listen' on Sundays?  In fact, we should be listening more to Him throughout the week than just on Sundays.  I have very much been guilty of this myself and I want to do better.  I want to let God run my life all the time instead of just once a week.  It hurts my heart to think that we are ashamed to live for Christ all the time and show others who He really is other than just Sundays.  I have heard so many non-Christians say that they would rather stay the way they are instead of follow a God that is a hypocrite.  What they mean is, they have heard Christians talk about their faith but then they see Christians out partying, having sex, doing drugs, and then go to church on Sunday.  Why would they become a Christian when that is exactly what they do now?  The only difference is the name on which they call themselves.  Other than that they are pretty much the same. 

I want to pray and take these words from James and apply them to my life.  I have been reading everyday for a week about my Savior and yet I am still in sin.  I want to strive to be like Jesus because that is what we are called to do.  So, I pray with conviction that God gives me the strength and will to follow Him and actually DO His word instead of just listening to it.

worldy distractions

I recently have discovered that though I may love to watch tv and movies way too much, they are the most distracting thing my life right now.  I have noticed that as soon as I start watching tv and movies, I somehow leave God out of it.  Uh, He is supposed to be in everything I do.  I mean, it's not easy and we will waiver on that but when you start noticing a change in your behaviors because of something that you should not be worrying about (because it's bad for you), then you probably should not be involved in that.  This is hard for me to say because I have always wanted to write a script or a movie or something on the lines of film-making which is why I make excuses to watch certain things and when.  But, I need to stop that.  God is supposed to be the center of our lives and when we start filling His place with things that only last a minute, then what is that telling us about how we treat God?  I'm not saying you cannot have those things in your life because God did create certain things for us to enjoy them but when they start running our lives is when we need to reevaluate who or what is at the center of our lives.  My roommate gave me a verse last night and I just read and it makes total sense to me.  What do you think? 1 Corinthians 10:13 "No temptation has seized you except what is common to man.  And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear.  But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it."  Yeah, I know I'm tempted and lots of times I give in because it seems easier.  But, in reality, it is destroying my relationship with Him.  I mean, yeah, I'll still watch tv and movies but as soon as I start putting God on the back burner or pushing my quality time with Him out of the way, I know I need to say no to the world.  There are times I can handle it but this last week has not been easy. 

I'm already taken

Leslie has a friend who made a commitment at a young age that she would not give herself in any form to any guy who crossed her path.  She had a philosophy she lived by and prayed about and kept to it.  "As for guys pursuing me for temporary relationships, my attitude is 'I'm already taken.'  Until God brings my future husband along and I know it's him, I'm not available."  This is an amazing philosophy to live by.  I never said it was easy, but it's amazing.  It makes total sense though.  You want to be able to give yourself to your future spouse regardless of what you have been through.  But, if you take yourself off the market until God has decided that it's time for you to meet your future spouse, then you will never have to go through the mess and heartache that every other person that you can probably think of has gone through.  Instead, you can give yourself away to a person that you have waited your whole life for as well as continously growing in God and what He has in store for you.  I say that's the best decision that anyone can make.  God never said anything in this life was easy, but He did say that we would not be alone while we went through it.  I'll pray about it, but I like this commitment and I may implement it into my life so I don't get carried away with the first casanova who walks my way.  As Leslie says, "He'll have to win [my] heart!"

virginity

I always thought that being a virgin meant not having sex before marriage.  Well, it does but I just had the conviction that being a virgin means not giving yourself to people or materialistic things in a physical manner that could make you feel guilt or ever just dirty.  The examples I'll give you are watching a movie with lots of nudity (that's not the dating part) or being with someone of the opposite sex and giving EVERYTHING to them without having intercourse.  I have not dated more than one guy in my life but looking back on it, I do remember having thoughts of I shouldn't be doing this right now when we were making out.  Making out, you say?  That's nothing.  But, it was to me.  I felt uncomfortable but I did it because he kept kissing me.  I had given that emotion to someone I knew even before we kissed for the first time that I would not be spending the rest of my life with him.  Why would I do that?  I was young and I didn't want to hurt people or make them upset with me so I just didn't say anything.  In fact, I am still very much like that (keep my feelings inside type of person) but when it comes to giving pieces of myself to people, I can say I have experimented with the idea without it having to be a person.  I sit here thinking how could I have thought that nay of that was okay?  I am disgusted with myself to think that I made excuses to make the bad decision a right one.  No matter how many ways you spin the bad decision that you are about to make, it still makes it bad.  It's like a wolf in sheep's clothing.  It may look appealing but deep down, everything is wrong about it.  I wish I would have learned that sooner.

why is abstinence so rare?

I grew up in a household that shared and talked about the importance of staying physically pure for our future spouses.  My parents kept telling me that when they were in high school, most of their peers were sexually pure.  I mean, there were the occasional people that were no longer virigins by the time they left high school but it was uncommon to meet someone who had sex while they were in high school.  But, the tables turned when I was in high school.  It was rare to find somoene who had not had sex yet.  People were caught all over the place having sex.  In the drama room, cars, and even at church during youth group.  I know, crazy!! When I recently have told a few men that I was still a virgin, they thought there was something wrong with me or I was a prude.  I mean, why can't a girl this day in age be sexually pure without being looked down upon?  I do know of girls AND guys who grew up in the church and declaring their love for God and then I find out that all along they were playing the game and having sex on the side.  As naive as I was, I never thought my friends would do something like that.  I thought we all had the same thoughts on what "saving yourself for marriage" meant.  I guess I was completely wrong.  With sex being just another thing you do, I see other physical encounters heightened in my life as something that I want to save for my husband.  There are women and men out there that will kiss anything that breathes and moves.  I see kissing as something very personal and intimate.  I still need to pray about it, but I might be saving almost EVERY aspect of myself for my future husband.  I don't want to give myself or any part of me to someone who did not wait to have, just me.  In a way, I find it repulsive.

I do know that there are some girls out there that have the lack of a father figure in their lives and so they search for it in someone who gives them the time of day.  Some girls and guys want to know what it feels like to have sex so they know what to tell their future spouses what they like.  I'm sorry but isn't the reserved for both the husband and wife?  Aren't they supposed to learn together?  That's the part that is exciting and fun.  I just think that it is sad that it is more rare to find someone who is saving themselves for their spouse in every aspect of the word.  I just wish that men and women could see themselves the way that God does and realize the precious person that they are.  They would then be able to see that saving themselves for their future husband or wife is something that they should strive for, not throw away.

blessed are the persecuted

Matthew 5:11-12 "Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me.  Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you." 

These verses hit me as I read them.  I remember times in my lie when people would call me names and make fun of me because I declared myself a Christian.  I felt beat down and humiliated when I was never seen as Lindsay but as that "Bible thumper".  At the time it hurt, and I do not wish that upon anyone.  However, if you look at the history of Christians, and let's start with Jesus' day, those followers were persecuted just as I get persecuted for following Jesus.  We hear about these great prophets during the time of Jesus and we wish that we could relate to them and be just like them, but look at your life.  How many times have people put you down because you are a Christian?  You are like those prophets that Jesus trusted so much.  We are the prophets of Jesus and we need to make sure that when others persecute us, we take it as a blessing that they are noticing that we are Christians and they are verbally recognizing the love that we have for Jesus.

choosing sin over Jesus

Yeah, I know what a horrible thought!! Honestly though, who has not done this?  You are presented with one of your temptations or addictions that you just cannot seem to say no to.  But, what if Jesus were physically standing there next to your temptation?  Would you still say yes to the sin?  I know you hear the cliche "Would you do that if Jesus were in the room?"  Uh, HELLO!!! He is in the room!! All the time!! Watching every move you make and knowing what decisions you are going to make but praying that you would make the right one.  I still cannot believe for years that I would choose my temptations and sins over someone WHO GAVE HIS LIFE FOR ME!!!!! This past March, a friend of mine and I watched "The Passion of the Christ," and we delved ourselves into a 3 hour Bible study (on accident) but we were so grateful that we did.  We studied God for three hours straight and started changing one of our shared sins because it clicked in our heads what Jesus did for us.  We have been able to keep each other accountable with this change and I am glad to say that the sin is just about if not almost gone.  I still feel horrible that the temptation is still there but it's so much more subtle now and that just means that I'm getting closer to God because the desire for Him is growing and the sin is disipating. 

However, this last week I have said this before, but I have purged things in my life that were hindering me from having a relationship that I desire with Jesus.  For those of you who know me well, I LOVE MOVIES!! But, I started questioning, do I love movies more that Jesus?  No, I do not.  I can honestly say that I have gotten rid of SOME of my dvd's that were not good for me to be watching.  I refused to sell them to anyone because why would I get rid of sin and give it to someone else when I could get rid of it completely?  I want to better the world not just pass off the sin to someone else.  That is just ridiculous.  Now think about your temptations.  I know we all love to do this.  But, what is keeping you from giving yourself completely over to Jesus?  Could it be something as simple as watching tv?  Or could it be the other extreme and be something that no one knows about and you WILL NOT share with anyone?  I have those too.  But, no more.  They are so last week.  I challenge you today, to rid yourself of the things in your life that could be keeping you from having the relationship that Jesus desires to have with you.  It's hard, but when has the right decision ever been the easy one?

purity

Today, I was looking up purity rings online.  I actually had one before but lost it when I was helping my sister move into her new house with her husband a few years back.  I know dramatic.  But, today, I was thinking about it.  First off, my right hand ring finger was itching to have a ring on it.  Not just any ring.  A ring that symbolized my purity and love for not just my future husband, but for God Himself.  I had been thinking about this this past week and what my purity really meant to me and my future husband.  Well, I had strayed for a few weeks trying to find "love" in all the wrong places (at least for me).  Online.  Yep, I said it.  Online dating.  HA.  Bad decision.  I found this guy who seemed to be an okay person until he opened his mouth.  He had been married before and had a son.  He claimed that he was a Christian and that he valued that in his future wife.  Well, once I started talking to him more (thinking we had the same values) I realized how completely wrong we were for each other.  Where my values lied (purity, strong Christian man, great father [at least for him], respect, etc), his did not.  He boasted about having women lined up around the block to sleep with him on any given night.  Well, this threw everything that I just named in parentheses out the window. 

I started questioning the kind of guy that I really wanted to be married to.  Well, as you can see, we stopped talking.  Yeah, not a hard choice to make.  I started listing the qualities that were important for me to have in my future husband.  But, then what about me?  What am I doing that could make myself better for him?  I can tell you that I am a virigin in almost every aspect of the word.  But, I was not living a pure life.  With it only being a week, I am still struggling but now what I found acceptable (even though I was hiding it) last week, I now cannot believe that I even thought in certain ways.  I'm almost repulsed by myself.  If I cannot live with myself, how can my future husband even look my direction?  Now I can honestly say that having that purity in God for my future husband is one thing that I am so glad that I have never given up to any man.  I reserve it just for him.  And I am proud to say so.  Long story short, I need a purity ring, stat.  But, what about you?  Are you thinking of your future husband/wife and their purity AND yours?  I long for purity in my future husband but how much I love for him to have the kind of purity, wouldn't I want him to have the same in me?  Are you giving yourself to every person that walks through that door or are you keeping yourself pure for the one that you can eventually call your husband/wife?  Eric Ludy mentions a conversation that he has with God in this book.  He felt God tugging at his heart asking Eric, "Just think, Eric!  If you desire purity in your wife, how much more do you think she desires purity... in you?