struggling to trust God

Althought this title may seem like I have this issue at this moment that I am writing this but I don't.  I actually am trusting God with more than I ever have and I have not waivered (yet).  I do know that there have been times that I do waiver in my trust of God.  As a sinful creature, it is very hard to trust something that is so beyond our comprehension that we find it easier to stray sometimes then to seek God more in the times that we are struggling to grasp Him.  I have been a Christian for 23 years.  I know it's a long time.  But, it's not.  I think of myself as a veteran in the age maybe when it comes to how long I have "followed" Christ but I still consider myself a newborn Christian in finding more out about myself and God this past week.  I know that I have trusted God in the past more than most people have ever had to.  But, I knew that He would take care of me but I didn't really know that He was taking care of me.  It clicked this week that God has all my ducks in row when I thought that was my job.  HA.  Nope.  But, even though I am getting to know my Creator so much better, I know that I am going to falter in my trusting that He is in control.  I know I am going to get angry with Him sometimes.  Actually, that's how a relationship gets stronger right?  The fight and then the working through it? 

In the past, I have struggled with many other things that I feel shamful of mentioning at all because I would just like to wish that away.  But, in reality I have.  I struggled with the idea that God would let me go through something that either I thought I wasn't ready for or even the idea that He was letting people I care about struggle with something that no one could help them with.  Why would He do something like that?  There are so many questions that people have asked of God and trying to get answers that they cannot get answered (right now).  I believe that God has His own timing on things and even though we may not thing we hear His answer, He has and sometimes it's a no but sometimes is a not yet.  We are a right now society and we are very impatient when it comes to something that we really want.  The one thing we have to keep in mind is that He is there and taking care of us even when we may not let Him sometimes.  We may be going through something that we think we cannot handle, but God has a bigger idea than just us.  We have to remember that we are here, on this Earth, to glorify Him.  If that means going through something that is so hard for us to endure, it just means He knows that when we reach the other side the struggle with be totally worth it and we can thank Him when the struggle does end.